Loyal [boyxboy]

Don't Look Back

Lucas sat out on the back step of the restaurant, staring down at his hands. He let out a long breath and watched it turn into a fog in front of him. Joshua had dropped him off over an hour ago, but Lucas had yet to go inside or go upstairs. He wasn't quite sure he could face Nick yet.

Lucas closed his eyes for a few seconds, recounting the night behind his eyelids. How did he explain to Nick about feeling numb?

He wasn't sure what he was feeling, if anything. He had been nervous almost to the point of puking as Joshua drove them to William's apartment. Joshua had handed him a gun with a silencer and explained that it had been cleaned, stripped, and had no paper trail. A gun was not Lucas' weapon of choice regardless.

Joshua had waited outside and sent Lucas in. It hadn't taken as much force to actually pull the trigger as he had thought—not in the amount of physical force, or the emotional trepidation. As soon as he had got it into his head that William had been talking to the police, it was easier than he wanted it to be.

How could William betray the people that had pulled Lucas out of hell on the streets? It was easy to do it then. And for a brief moment, Lucas had seen his father in it too. How could someone betray family?

Lucas looked up at the moon radiating in the sky, the cold weather seeming to make its halo even brighter. His eyes stung, and he wasn't sure if it was the cold or tears sneaking up on him.

Either way, Joshua had given him a proud smile back outside the apartment as they ditched the gun and left. It would be known that William was tied in with organized crime, but without physical evidence, it would only be speculation about how or why he had been killed.

The bile finally came back, and Lucas turned off to the side to empty his stomach, making his eyes water. He spat out the last of the foul taste and tried to swallow. He swore to himself and finally went inside, taking a cup of water out of the back of the restaurant.

He couldn't go upstairs yet.

Telling Nick about an accident over a year ago was one thing, but this had been deliberate. This was Lucas proving his loyalty in a way Nick wouldn't understand, and he knew it. Lucas closed his eyes and stroked his hair back with his hands, letting out another slow breath.

This was something separate from him and Nick. What had happened was only business, and it was nothing Nick needed to know about, not yet. If Nick found out he would never look at Lucas the same way again, and Lucas couldn't let that happen.

Nick would get there eventually, and then Lucas would be able to say what he had done. He took another long drink of water before carrying himself upstairs to the apartment.

Nick was asleep on the couch, but it looked like he had been trying to stay awake by the awkward way he curled up against the arm rest. Lucas couldn't help but smile to himself, just watching for a few minutes before going over and nudging him awake.

Nick startled and sat up quickly. "You're finally home," he breathed. "What happened? You disappeared there for a while."

Lucas swallowed hard. "It was some business," he answered as evenly as he could, stroking back Nick's hair around his ear. Lucas' hand was surprisingly steady, and he felt proud of himself for it. "Let's go to sleep." He didn't think he could handle anything sexual right then, not without his found sense of neutrality turning dirty.

Nick yawned in agreement and followed him into the bedroom. Nick simply collapsed down into the bed and went back to sleep while Lucas slowly pulled his clothes off down to his boxer briefs before sitting on the edge of the bed. He put his right ankle up on his other knee and rubbed the sole of his foot, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room again.