Soft Body

19: Open Door

I got weak in the knees, which was something I thought only happened in the movies or some crappy YA novel where the female protagonist is just so clumsy.

I got weak in the knees and it was embarrassing.

"Oh my God, I am so embarrassed," I said, lifting myself off of Tucker's body, desperately hoping that I hadn't blushed.

"Hah, no, it's... It's fine," Tucker said, straightening his shirt. "I just hadn't expected that strong of a reaction. You must really like when a door opens, huh?"

I wanted to die, or have the building catch on fire, or something in that moment to separate me from Tucker and never have to see him again. Mortified didn't even begin to cover it. He had felt my full body weight on his. He felt the softness of my belly and back. My fat had fallen on his beautiful, hard, muscular body and I wanted to die.

I grimaced in response, forgetting that I usually laugh when I make an ass out of myself. I felt a pit in my chest sink into my stomach.

Tucker flipped on the lights in the office, which was really a glorified broom closet with a desk. There was thin, cheap, navy blue carpeting and a folding chair across from the desk.

"Sorry, I usually do office work from home. It's a lot more comfortable. More light. Natural light, anyway. I hate fluorescents, don't you?" He tossed the keys on the desk and sat behind the desk chair. By instinct, I shut the door behind me and sat in the folding chair.

I was painfully aware of the space I was taking up in this tiny room. My butt felt too big for the chair, yet again, and I could feel parts of myself slipping out of the back of it. I began to notice what Tucker meant about fluorescents.

"Yeah. It also smells dank in here."

"Like I said, I don't usually use this room. Have you ever seen Jackie use it? It doesn't even have a phone."

I looked down at the contents of the metal desk. There was a flat calendar, a stapler, and a cup of pens and pencils.

"Why would you?"

Tucker rubbed his hand over his head, back and forth. "I don't know, really. I had plans for it."

"Oh."

We sat in an uncomfortable silence for slightly more than thirty seconds. I know because I counted after he didn't reply right away.

He tapped his fingers. I felt sick with a nervous excitement. I was humiliated, yet somehow optimistic. He'd been waiting to get me alone for a while.

"Maybe I should just come out and say it?" He offered. Tucker groaned and exhaled. "I should just say it."

The butterflies in my stomach fluttered harder and faster, but something told me to give him a hard time.

"Are you firing me?"

"Firing you? No, why would I fire you?" He got out of the chair and came around the desk, leaning his butt on the edge, his feet touching my crossed ankle.

"You'd have to tell me. I don't know, maybe I haven't done something you've liked? I'm not good at reading people's minds, what they secretly think and feel. I only know what's blatantly told to me."

He nodded his head.

"Do you have something to tell me in an obvious way? That's the only way I'll get the message."

He pinched his nose and took a deep breath. "Look, yeah, I like you."

"Well, I like you too! You're really nice to me... I like when we work together," I said, feigning obliviousness.

"No, no," he shook his head. "No."

"No?"

"No. I mean, yes, but no. Lately I've been trying to figure out what I mean when I say yes but no or no but yes and I figured it out."

Tucker was more neurotic than I was. It was comforting in a strange sort of way. Here was this man, so handsome and outwardly confident, struggling to get a couple thoughts off his chest.

"So what do you mean?"

"Don't make me say it so blatantly. You'll make me blush." He blushed. I suddenly felt very hot underneath my clothes, from the backs of my knees to the center of my chest. He and I were sharing in the awkwardness.

I decided to spare him.

"No, I think I get it. It's okay. And I... feel the same way." It was a small relief to get the weight of it off my shoulders, but panic immediately set in. What was I doing?

The tension is his shoulders released and his hands fell on his lap. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Can I ask you a question then? I'm just curious so don't feel like you have to answer."

"Shoot."

I listened to the lights buzz waiting for him to ask me what he needed to ask me. At this point, I had no clue what direction he was taking me.

"There's not anything between you and Ben, is there? I don't want to-"

"No," I interrupted. "There's not. Never really has been either! He's just nice to me, like you are."

He looked away as if to think about believing me or not.

Tucked lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine. They were so damn blue.

"Okay."

"Shouldn't you be a little more excited for a man with that much anguish?"

"No, cause I'm usually not that obvious. Are you free later?"

I smiled, still ready to play hard to get. "How later?"

Thank you all so much for reading this chapter and keeping up with the book! If you liked it, please remember to give it a vote and drop a comment! I love and appreciate all of them <3