Tick Tock [short story]

full[ ]fear

Friday, August 16th, XXXX ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀21:33

United States of America

NXX XXXX

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I haven't recorded for a while. It itched me while I was doing almost anything this week. But there have been things to do. School has kept me busy. And I'm afraid of writing at night. It might become a habit, and I would rather it not. I really, really treasure my sleep.

But I've been waking up more and more often on most nights, even when I do manage to drift off to sleep. Nothing helps. I tried taking sleeping pills, drinking those cough syrups that are supposed to make you drowsy - I tried every resource I had available to me. I even tried breathing exercises.

I know I'll need to tell my mom eventually. But not now. I don't want to be put on medication. There's a different meaning to a person who is labelled as "crazy" to take medication. Because then, they are officially beyond help. They are insane. You can't reason with them, and you definitely shouldn't approach them if they haven't taken their medication yet.

I don't want to go to a doctor. My sleeplessness will just become yet another symptom in the next edition of the DSM.

I'm not descending into madness as my counselor thinks I am. I am descending into a madness that everyone else has imposed on me by labeling me. I don't want this.

But writing about my fear of visiting the doctor has only confirmed it.

I am slowly, but surely, growing fearful of the world.

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first update in a long time! c: