d r o w n i n g [a zoella fanfiction]

w a k e u p ; z o e

The sun rose above the few few covered hills around my home. It was quiet, empty. I was, after all was said and done, the only living Sugg. The house groaned in the wind. I suddenly missed my brothers loud music, my mothers piano, and my fathers newspaper, all the little noises that used to make up my life.

I looked over at my camera, which sat alone on my mantle, a thin film of dust forming on its screen. It hit me then an there. I was screwed. That's when it sunk in. No more YouTube, no more family, no more friends, no more fun trips, no more babysitting, none of that. I kind of, deep inside, wished my seat belt had jammed, my door had been locked. I wished for the same fate as everyone else in my van.

The clock read 6:40 AM. Jim's, Louise's and Darcy's funeral were today. I had to attend, after all, I did kill them, didn't I? I looked out my window, and saw the sunrise had exploded into a gradient of warm, beautiful colors. But I didn't feel warm. The house felt cold. I felt alone. I felt guilty. I felt worthless, hopeless, ruined, angry. It hurt. It really did.


I did my makeup and got dressed in my black dress. At exactly 10:00 AM a car pulled up the long drive. I headed outside, slamming Caspar's door, siting in silence. We drove across the countryside towards London. Sitting in silence. I waited for the funny, sweet Caspar I knew, but some part of me felt him drifting, thinking about his friends, and how maybe, I could have gone instead, maybe they would have survived. I quickly shut that part of me up, promising myself Caspar would never wish for me to die.

After the hour trip; we pulled into a charming houses driveway. A sign adorned the front. This was the funeral home. I gulped in the cars fumes one last time, opened the door, and mustered the courage to walk out.

I stumbled in my heels and got glares from Jim's family on the steps. Caspar slowly followed me, wiping his eyes. Inside, we found our seats and sat quietly. It was peculiar, that I went from sitting in a crowd of my friends at events and weddings, to sitting alone at their funerals. The seats slowly filled up, but I strained my eyes to see Tanya slide into her seat. She had a black veil over her face, her normal perfect makeup was just a bit smudged from tears. The service began and I sat quietly. We went up, I put my white rose on the casket, and sat down again. It was blur, tales of Jim's life, his family, Tanya, YouTube, and most importantly, his death. Jim had unbuckled me before he died. He was trying to get Darcy out as well, but ran out of air before he could. I felt cold stares on my back.

Everyone looked, but Tanya, how still stood next to where Jim lay. Her family stood up, trying to get her to come back, but she remained there until the ceremony ended. We began to leave, but I turned back. Alone at the front of the church, Tanya's forehead lay on Jim's coffin and she crossed her arms above her head. She was sobbing, a new thing for her. I headed back. I stood next to her quietly, an arm around her back, a few tears running down my own cheeks for not only Jim, but Tanya.

"Do you think he misses us?" I was startled by her raspy voice.

"I know he does." That was the end of my last conversation with Tanya. Where ever she went, I have no idea. Sometimes I check her beauty channel, and blog, but it's frozen in time, from the day before the crash. I've emailed, but she's changed addresses. I've lost a friend, not like it's a new thing for me.