d r o w n i n g [a zoella fanfiction]

e m p t y ; z o e [ p o v ]

Caspar drove me to the next funeral home, and headed out for a bit of food. There was an hour until the service. I took a peak into the funeral home. Only one person sat there. Matt. His head was rested in his palms. It was an odd picture. The two coffins in front of him felt wrong. My best friend and her daughter were there. Her three year old daughter. He wanted one service, he couldn't afford two. This picture is still engraved in my mind. Louise and Darcy, Matt. A family portrait of some sort. I sat at the front row, a few seats away from Matt. I started to sob. I couldn't help it. Yes, I missed Jim, I ached for him to come back, but Louise was my best friend. Darcy was like the child I never had. I always thought maybe one day Alfie and I could have a little Darcy of our own, just like her. But Alfie was gone. Darcy was gone. Louise was gone. Matt seemed halfway there.

I sat down next to Matt, looking at him intently.

"Do you ever just wish you got a choice?" He said so quietly I almost missed it. "You choose what horrible things happened and what didn't?" He looked at me with terrifying, bloodshot eyes. This was the Matt I never knew, the one that spent every day hopelessly in love with his life, his daughter, his job, his house, and most of all, his wife. He has his dream life. I only knew the quiet Matt. I never realized how kind he was, how amazing of a husband he was to Louise. He had helped her become who she was. But then he was a mess. "You have such high hopes Zoe, I hope you stay that way. You brought out some of the best of Louise, you took the old her and showed her how not to be afraid anymore. You really did." He looked away, wiping a tear.

"You have always been the most amazing man Matt, I remember, you always have been this way, and I know you'll stay this way." With that I stood up. That was the last sentence I said to him. Matt did not stay that way. He attempted suicide 14 days after Louise's and Darcy's deaths. 14 was Louise's lucky number. Another 14 days later, he succeed at his second try. His family did not invite me to the funeral.

Love like that didn't last forever. Their love crashed and burned. One after one the little family that came from nothing, the one that everyone waited patiently to watch every Sunday and Tuesday, disappeared.

All I though about during that funeral was how beautiful Darcy would have been. I imagined her on her first communion, her prom, her wedding, all with Matt and Louise behind her, aging, but still smiling widely as their pride and joy grew up before their eyes.


Before I left that day, I shook my head. It seems like a stupid thing to do. But I shook my head at myself. I wasn't feeling enough pain for these deaths. I felt as if I should have been crumpled on the floor, falling apart, dying inside.


But grief doesn't always come quick, sometimes it takes it's time, stays with you day by day, following close behind.




[yes, an incredibly short chapter, too short for some peoples likings, but I got my point across, and I think I needed this chapter to be like this. I didn't want to add Matts suicide at first, but I felt as if it might give their family a little closure, even if it's a horrible way to get closure. Okay, so I'll be posting again soon.