"Well this is nice, mom." My mom suggested after our first meeting at NCIS, that we go out for dinner. It really was nice. Great, even completely amazing if we were on a date, but she’s my mother. It was a dimly lit room with fancy wines, soft table clothes, music quietly playing in the back ground. When you first walk in there is a huge grand stair case leading to a second floor of wining and dining. Heavy chandeliers hung from the ceiling, making the place look that much fancier. Full of deep red and soft blacks, with crème colors floating off the walls. Yes, this place would have been top dollar for a date. Either way it was nice to just sit in her presence after being apart for so long.
"It really is." she replied, we have barely spoken at all and we arrived separately. She looked nice, she had her short shoulder length brown hair curled and she wore a long sleeve chocolate brown dress to her knees, with a seemingly deep V-neck. Simple, but elegant. I had my brown-blonde hair down and curly. I had on a dark blue flowy dress that came just above my knees with a halter for the straps.
An awkward silence fell. I had no clue what to say or what was appropriate. So I stayed quiet, awkwardly sipping my white wine, looking around the place.
"This is a nice restaurant." I offered for conversation to try and ease the silence.
"Yes, it is." she said then took a sip of her water, she’s such a conservative. Water over wine, coverage over bare skin, simple over fierce. We are exact opposites.
I guess she didn't want to make this easy on me. The whole night has been like this, only hitting on random subject that lasted 5 seconds. I really don’t want to ruin this, I want to build on this. How are we supposed to have that awesome relationship, if we can’t even have a conversation? "So, you became director 2 years ago. How’s that been?" I asked hoping talking about work would give us more to talk about.
She smiled while saying, "It’s been really great. Overwhelming at times, but really great." she seemed off in her own little world as she said this, reminiscing. To see her like this made me smile. I have always loved my mom, whether she ever loved me even half of what I loved her was the question. "How did you know I've been Director for 2 years?" She asked curiously.
I smiled sadly as I said, "Just because you never went to anything of mine, doesn’t mean I never went to anything of yours." She looked hurt and taken aback by this comment. I took a sip of my wine before continuing, "I went to your Directors induction, but I left during the meet and greet."
Mom got all teary eyed and put her hand over her mouth. I could barely hear her whisper, "Ohhh my." She just stared at me, as I stared back with a small sad half smile. A single glistening tear escaped the corner of her eye. She quickly wiped it away and quickly saying, "I...uhhh...ummm...I have to go." She got up, grabbed her purse from around her chair and left, she just left. I watched her glide past the maze of tables, and people having a nice dinner out not being left. I was completely stunned as I sat and watched her leave the building.
I sat there for a while just staring at where she had sat. I slowly got up to my feet, and downed the last of my wine before walking out of the restaurant door my mother already vacated. I walked to through the parking lot till I got to my Ford Mustang. I got inside and grasped the steering wheel tight, my mind was spinning. I could feel the soft cold cashmere interior below me, calming me. I really don’t want my mom to be upset, but if we want some kind of relationship she needs to know I didn’t just leave to leave. Sure I had my problems, but she was a big factor too. There has to be some change, to fix all these years of damage and neglect.
I shifted my car into drive and drove away. I didn’t want to head home just yet, my stomach craved comfort food. I drove toward my apartment, it was a good 35 minutes away. On my way I pasted the NCIS headquarters building. It looks so different at night, all dark and spooky.
