Change for the better?

Chapter 8

Aunt Sarah knew about him. She was there when my mother had him. Everyone knew about Paul, and everyone knew he was going to be put up for adoption. I have some resentment towards my family now. Surely someone could have kept him until my parents grew older and more mature. Instead, they let him fall into the hands of people we didn't even know. They kept him secret and away from me. I've vented to Aunt Sarah about not having a brother or sister to depend on. All she said was

"It's alright you have me." Yeah well apparently I had Paul too.

I decided I couldn't be mad at Aunt Sarah. She kept it from me because she wasn't sure if I could handle it. She wasn't sure if it was the right time or if my parents would've wanted me to know. I don't know what their motive was and why they wanted to keep it from me but i'm sure it was a good reason. Maybe they felt ashamed about their decision. I'll never know though, I can't pick up the phone and call my mom. Even though I wish I could. Heaven doesn't have long distance. Heaven doesn't have AT&T.

Today I have group for the first time in forever. I don't feel like going. I don't feel like having to talk about yet another death to the stupid counselor that's never went through what I have. His parents struggled with addiction. They lived. They live in an half a million dollar house. Yeah, growing up was hard for him. But now his life is great. He can't relate to me.

I throw on my black Under Armor hoodie and pick up my journal from the bed and head downstairs to eat dinner. Group today was from 6:30-9, it was later because the counselor needed to rest or whatever he had to do. His text wasn't very detailed.

"Rigatoni tonight, Garlic bread in the stove. I can make some milk shakes for dessert if you want." Aunt Sarah yelled from the bathroom.

"Wash your hands first." I joked and put a huge glob of rigatoni in my bowl. It tasted great. So I helped myself to seconds. And than to thirds. I haven't been eating much lately. Today was the first day I really splurged.

I put my bowl in the sink and rinsed it out. I wouldn't do that at my own house but Aunt Sarahs' is different. She's been a single mother for as long as I can remember. Uncle Joe left her right after Macy was born. Aunt Sarah was then only working at McDonalds so she had a rough start, but shortly after she got the state job and has been moving up ever since. She's the boss now.

"Have a fun time at group!" She simpered.

I locked the door behind me and stepped into my car. It feels like I haven't driven in forever. I turn on the radio and instantly turn it off. All they play now is trash. Mainly pop music or justin beiber. Neither of the things I like. I prefer either Alternative or Hip-Hop' R&B. I know it's a weird combination but any other kinds of music are just no.

Pulling into the parking lot of where we meet I noticed that there were more cars than usual. That means they've added new people. Great. I hate large groups, especially when they make us speak out. I feel like everyone is judging my life.

"Hey Raleigh!" A girl whose name I don't know waves at me.

"Hi-Um-" I said, trying to remember her name

"It's Carrington."

"That's it! Sorry i've had a bad memory lately."

"Don't be sorry, a lot of people don't remember my name. It's pretty unique."

"Uh-huh." I gave her a slight smile and sat down at my usual desk.

The girl with the wheelchair wheels her way in and I stifle back a laugh. I know that sounds mean but it's just her facial expression she was making and how hard it was for her to move around.