If Happy is Her.

Stone Cold

Dear Him,

I've liked you for 9 years... since the day we clicked and friendship blossomed, when you shielded me from the bullies, when you made me laugh...

Spending our childhood years with two of my best friends was the happiest of my life, I grew up with a perfect family only to be destroyed when the time came. Remember playing family? I was the mother, you were the father while my two best friends were the sisters? 

I envied you for having such a perfect family.

You left me during fourth grade. Alone, and with a piece missing from my heart, I leaned on the shoulder of my remaining best friend after the other also left but kept in touch with us. You didn't.

Fifth grade. I was courted by one guy, he said he loved me and I remembered you and realized after all these years I liked you.

Sixth grade. I was on the verge of moving on, then a miracle occurred,  I was invited to represent my school as the representative of the cartooning category and somehow a friend told me someone was waving from afar. It was you.

Two weeks later, we met coincidentally at downtown. 

Me, My Mother, and her stupid lover. A broken family

You, Your Brother, Mother, Father. A perfect family

The summer after graduating elementary, I visited my old music school, I was told you were taking classes there... I soon enrolled after learning many more friends were there.

I sang "Red" by Taylor Swift, coincidentally it was your favorite color. We were soon as close as before... maybe even closer.

The next show, I sang "Stay the Night"...were you really gonna stay in my life? Did you ever get the hints that I liked you?

Christmas that year, I sung the song "You Shine" a song about my love for god. I remember watching you from above as your mom tried to tie your white necktie. I also will never forget you showing of that Krispy Kreme donut in front of us voice students and the fries that we ate before performing.

The next show you weren't there, I sang  "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry... were you ready for a perfect storm?

Almost a year after singing "Red", I sqng "Applause" by Lady Gaga, you were there...a pounding sound resonated below my chest.

The next recital you disappeared, again. I didn't question it... maybe it was family matters or so... I sang the song named "Unconditionally".

I remember the lines of that very song, "I will love you, unconditionally". What did I really feel? I was to young to say that words, I was to inexperienced.

Christmas was next, I sung the song "Sana ngayong pasko" (I hope this Christmas) which was quite breezy.. I remember wearing red like the last christmas recital but because I remembered you love the color. Remember me feeling ill before my performance and laughing at how my temperature  was to warm? Remember the time when the children asked who was Mrs. Claus and how Bethany looked at me? When did you see these signs?

The next time we saw each other was better than ever, I was chosen to represent my school in a pageant and you came, you held my banner and kept on taking pictures of me onstage, backstage and even after the event, my cousin wouldn't stop talking about it. You even joined for dinner, you asked me if my voice teacher was good and that you were thinking about joining the voice students... I was thrilled.

Remember singing Meghan Trainors song at the back of the car that was so full? 

Two days later, February 14, I was buying a valentines present for mom with my cousin. She told me how fun it would be if we met during valentines, and around 1 minute later a voice called my name, I turned around and it was your father calling me, you were smiling at me.

Two weeks after that I returned to the music school after a month of missing classes, my friends told me that you enrolled for singing, I smiled and was thrilled inside.

April rolled in and the next recital came, I sung "One last time" by Ariana Grande and you danced behind me with the others. If you didn't knew, your mother gave me a hair clip after my performance and it matched my hairstyle perfectly for some reason.

May followed and you were invited to my birthday after my mom told me to invite you, yet you couldn't come since you had a camping. But it was fine since you greeted me on my special day.

The final days of May we were busy preparing for the next show, then you said you wouldn't be a the general rehearsal for 2 days, the night before the general rehearsal, a friend of mine told me to post a message for you by the "Dear _letter of name_" I told you to keep on breaking every girls heart, but I didn't say that I like you after feeling something I couldn't describe...maybe confusion? fear? shyness?

You arrived late the day of the show during the technical rehearsal and sat next to me, my friends left the both of us alone and that's when you told me something... something I didn't answer.

When one of my closest friends learned about it she went to talk to you which I didn't really know why and then pulled us out and made us sit face to face until you decided to break the ice, and then it said the words.

"I like you too" before waiting for our friend to close the case and then ran back to the make up section... I felt sad for some reason... I felt like betraying someones trust... I was happy... But I was loyal to my word to never say I'm in love until I'm older...

That conversation was so affecting that I didn't know what to do after... I then watched you from afar when my friend sang "Stone Cold" during the rehearsal. I was angry at her for what she did but was more grateful for her actions and saw my friends in a better light, the lyrics of the song hit me hard and made me want to cry... But I stayed strong.

The girl you liked made contact to me a few days ago, we are still great friends by the way, she heard about what happened and we talked, then she dropped a bomb on me.

She confessed to you last month.

And she told me your reply and I somehow laughed amidst the pain in my heart and the guilt... 

She told me that she would move on and find someone else... I was guilty and I told her that and also that I feel like I've stole someone important from another... she replied that I didn't and that they are just friends. She also told me that I have her support. My guilt tripled and I felt so awful about what happened to their friendship.

You know... You really have a habit of breaking a girls heart without knowing it...

With the mixed feelings in my heart I did what I had to do.

I invited her to the next recital.

When I friend of mine learned about what I did, she told me that this was the reason why she adored me because of my kindness, that even how hard it would be for me, I would always think for others. 

June 10, that's what my electronic clock says right now. 7 days after what happened. 7 days since we last talked. I miss our friendship... I miss our short messages... I hope that you are happy.

Even if happy means someone else, I'm happy for you.

Sincerely,

Your Friend