Diary of an Average Nebraskan Christian Teen Girl

January 24th, 2016

A/N: Hey guys, above is a picture of Jennifer! (Yes, I used former Dance Moms star Paige Hyland. :)

10:55 P.M.

Hey God,

This week didn't feel as great as last week did, hanging out with Madyson was great, but I just kept thinking about Emily. I haven't talked to her in more than a month. I hope that she isn't going back to being mean to people, and that she remembers that You're always with her.. Verve and youth group and everything was great, so I'm not exactly sure why I feel like crying right now. This week wasn't THAT bad. I mean, social media does show that Chad is hanging around Jennifer more, so she's not just Emily's friend. I can't help but wonder if he likes her. Even when he texted me last Thursday, it didn't really feel like we were close friends, more like acquaintances, and Jennifer is so pretty. I'm trying not to be jealous or anything because that's not good, but honestly, I feel ugly in comparison to her. I know that I shouldn't compare myself and I shouldn't be jealous, but all of these thoughts are circling around in my head and I hate it. Chad did say that he liked me because of my personality, but I don't even know what Jennifer's like, I just know that she and Chad went out for ice cream today, alone, and ice cream was what the three of us always had, and Chad I only hung out alone that last day, or when the circumstances made it that way, not purposely. He has to like her as a friend to do that, but does he like her as something more? She seems to like him, I can just tell. He's hard not to like, his sweet smile, gleaming eyes, corny jokes, the way he can make anyone laugh, the way he can make me laugh.. his love for You, just all of it, I miss him so much. I wonder if Jennifer even knows who I am, I talk about Chad and Em a lot to people here (Although I haven't told anyone that I like him) , I wonder if they ever even talk about me anymore. I saw somewhere online that talking about someone to someone else is a sign that you love them. I shouldn't be worrying about all of this, I'm so young. Ugh, I just need Your help and comfort, show me how to not be jealous, and to leave this in your hands. I know that I shouldn't feel this way and that it's horrible, but something inside me wants to hangout with some boy, like Aaron from youth group, just to make Chad jealous. I'm not going to do that though, it's just a thought, a very bad thought. Anyway, I'll talk to You soon, thanks for always listening, I love You, goodnight.

~ Chloe E. Almond