The Change

Epilouge: Undying

To be honest you can skip this chapter if you want too, I was half asleep when I wrote it and I didn't even know what the plot to the story yet. This chapter just sheds light on her struggle with depression.

The first four chapters of this story are mostly just antsy thoughts and thoughts from the main character, if you wanna skip those bits go straight to the interesting parts then that's okay just skip to chapter four!

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Safron was her name, she had a pretty good life... at least she thought it was, I mean she had a roof over her head, food in the cupboard, a kind mother with a pretty nice family, friends, yeah life was pretty good.

So why did she feel like she was dying? Every day she felt..this thing, she can't find the words to explain it except the word: Empty. Yes that's close enough she thought, empty. Every day she felt this lingering feeling of absolute emptiness, and she couldn't do anything about it, it was always there, shadowing over her, mocking her. It was always there and whenever she thought maybe, just maybe she was happy it came back, even stronger than before. She doesn't know when this feeling started, but what she does know is that when the feeling came, the gremlins came with it. The gremlins were her name for all of the dark, brooding and frankly depressing thoughts that go through her brain every single day, they were just like gremlins, don't feed them after midnight or else shit happens(and by shit she mean she won't get to sleep till' four am.) they always find a way to get food anyways, no matter how hard you try they'll always come back for an awful sequel and finally at first you think they won't do any harm until they ruin your life. At first they weren't that bad just small insecure thoughts like 'their lying to you' or 'they don't really care they just pity you' or 'you look fat in that shirt take it off', then they got worse, she can't even explain it but every say she's doubting herself, she doesn't know what to do, she's lost all hope and she sure as hell has lost all motivation to even get up in the morning. She doesn't know what to do her grades are slipping, she forgets to eat for days on end sometimes, it's taking over her life and controlling her and she can't do anything about it. Every day it's more and more doubt, once she even thought she had found a best friend, so blinded by excitement she opened up to her, telling her secrets that she hadn't even admitted to herself yet, she gave her everything and she could potentially destroy her with the click of a button. And when she realised her stupid mistake she freaked, distancing herself immediately, scared that if she made one wrong move, it would be the end of her and that all scared her shitless. She realised how awful this person was and she realised she wasn't really happy around her (but does she even really know what happiness feels like? How can she be so sure?), she barely ever talks to her now. This thing has taken over, she's so scared of the gremlins, she's scared that they'll come back even bigger than last time, worse than last time, she spends her time distracting herself she does whatever it takes to make them go away but it never works.

She's terrified...and it's pathetic.