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Snow was in abundance the day that Sophie decided to visit her father. It was like the world was telling her not to go visit her father because that would entail that she accepted his death, that she finally knew that he was no longer around and Sophie didn't want to let go. Not yet. But she had to because all those conflicting opinions that she was keeping locked inside was eventually going to destroy her and Andrew didn't want that for her. She didn't want that for herself so she took Andrew's advice and decided to visit her father.
"You didn't have to come," Sophie said softly as she looked hard at the headstone of her father's grave.
Andrew squeezed her hand, "I know but I'm not going to leave my girlfriend when she most needs me. What kind of boyfriend would I be then?"
"Not a cheesy one," Sophie replied instantly.
"Please, everybody needs a little cheese in their life," Andrew shot back, sticky out his tongue childishly.
Sophie rolled her eyes. He was such a kid. She turned towards the headstone again and then took a deep breath before she bent down and squatted so that she was at eye level with her father's headstone. Andrew squeezed her shoulders in encouragement before he stepped back and allowed Sophie her moment of privacy.
"Hey Dad," she whispered then laughed. "I probably look really stupid talking to a grave but Andrew said it would help. Remember Andrew, Dad? The guy you didn't like?"
"Anyway, I'm not really here to talk about Andrew and I." Sophie took a deep breath before she began. "I was angry at you, for everything you had done. I understand that you loved Mum and I, and that you wanted to support the family but Dad, you had it all wrong. You did it all wrong. Dad, thieving wasn't the answer. Stealing, robbing, it's all wrong. You knew it was wrong and I understand that you just wanted to be there for us and provide for us because Mum was sick and she didn't want to work as long as you could. You know what? Maybe I'm not angry at what you've done. Maybe I'm just hurt because you never told us that the fancy job that you had been offered was to actually be a criminal. Maybe I'm not angry, but hurt, because you lied to us. You didn't even flinch."
Sophie could feel her blood begin to boil, her eyes to burn with angry tears and she could practically hear her heart shattering all over again. "You were stupid, Dad. Obviously I don't approve of you robbing people and thieving around no matter how pure the intentions behind your impure actions was. But seriously, Dad? You went after a bank? That's when you got caught, that's when the world found out about you. You're a shit Dad, by the way."
Sophie sniffed, her nose red from the cold weather. "I can't believe that you were actually wanted by the police for a few months and Mum and I had no knowledge of it. You spent seven years in jail and the reason you were dismissed early was because you were good behaviour. Good behaviour, huh?" Sophie scoffed. "Do you know what you made us go through? Mum was lonely for seven years, Dad. You abandoned her when she needed you. I mean, she has me and she understands that but she needed you, and I wasn't you, Dad. It made me so bloody angry. What you did...that's unacceptable. I guess this is the part in movies or stories where the protagonist realises that what her father did was actually good. That he wasn't entirely a bad man."
Sophie sighed, fingering the snow and feeling the chill travel up her body. "But you were a bad man, Dad. You did the wrong things and I don't give a shit that your intention was pure because yeah, maybe your intention started out pure but it's human nature to be greedy. You were greedy, Dad, and I guess that's your fatal flaw. That's what got you caught."
A sudden urge to cry overtook Sophie and she found her lips trembling uncontrollably. Pressing her lips together, she shut her eyes tight and breathed in the chill air. "I want to be angry at you. And a part of me is convinced that I am angry at you but I know... I know that I'm not entirely angry at you." Taking a breath, she continued, "you just came back. You came back as a changed man and sure Mum and I were still struggling because she was working as a waitress in a restaurant and I worked part time in a café and that never really brought us much income, but we were better off without you. You waltzed right back into our lives promising us that you would do right by us this time around and you did. You struggled to do so but you didn't let those difficulties deter you. You did become a changed man." She sniffled. "I was just too late to realise it."
Tears blurred her vision and when she tried to blink them away they rolled down her cheeks silently. She wiped them away fast, brushing at her cheeks and the rims of her eyes quickly. She wasn't ready to cry. Not yet.
"For a long time I looked up to you. You were my father and you were a stunning man. I aspired to be just like you. Did you know that, Dad?" She gave out a watery laugh, one that was void of humour and full of brokenness. "Imagine how humiliated and embarrassed I felt when I found out that my dad was a fraud. You don't know this, Dad, but you ruined me. You tore a little something about me into pieces and tossed in the trash can that would be never be recycled. And when you came back... I couldn't forgive you. I just - I couldn't. And now that you're gone I can see that you were true to your word, that you did do good by Mum and I. I always wondered if she was crazy because she accepted you just two weeks after you got out. But she saw the changed you before I did. And when I did see the changed you, when I finally noticed, you weren't there. You were dead. You are dead." She sniffled for the hundredth time. "I guess I'm not at angry at you. That was an excuse because I'm more angry at myself. I'm sad because I could have spent more time with you before you left this world but I didn't because I was all too caught up in my hatred. I'm sorry, Dad. You weren't a horrible father. I was just a bad daughter. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. So very sor-"
And just like that the tears came pouring out, ugly sobs breaking free as Sophie Carmella fell down to her knees and broke down into a hysterical mess. She instantly the warmth of familiar arms around her and she knew that it was Andrew that was hugging her tightly, offering his eternal support.
And Andrew Smith hugged his girlfriend with all his might, hoping that his embrace would protect her from the cruelty of this world. He pressed his lips to her forehead and closed his eyes. This was an emotional moment. It was sad and depressing and not the slightest but happy but despite all the sadness that dampened the atmosphere Andrew sensed the emotion of hope.
