XX - Endless Cycle

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 Within a week, a blood test was done to confirm Imogen's suspicions, Avalon was pregnant.

The fact did not register to her, that there was something, someone, growing inside of her. Sure, she was able to explain a lot of what she was feeling by this revelation, but it didn't make sense in her brain. She didn't look pregnant and she was already past three months along. Avalon was a third of the way there and she hadn't even known.

Of course, it was her dumb luck that she would become pregnant the first and only time she had sex.

Avalon felt like crying, this was a frequent feeling for her now. Even with the unwavering support of Imogen and Melissa, she felt completely alone. She thought of Luna Elizabeth, who would have just recently given birth to her son, and wondered how she had gotten through. Alpha Alexander was never around, and it had sounded like he didn't even want children in the first place. Through it all Elizabeth never seemed to stop smiling. If she could make it though with a shaky core support system, Avalon could too. She would have to.

During her appointment for an ultrasound, she could barely look at the screen. The sonographer was listing the important facts to their assistant, but they all went over her head. Avalon didn't know what to feel, or how to handle the appointment.

The one thing that she did understand was the baby was developing well. That there was nothing out of the ordinary for this pregnancy. That was a relief at least, knowing that even if she was unsure if she even wanted this child, she would not have the added stress of things being wrong. She would still worry, of course, everything was changing so fast.

She was sixteen weeks along, far enough along to know the sex of the baby if she wanted. She didn't want to know. She didn't want to think. She couldn't process. She did not even want to look at the scans.

~

"I know what it's like, getting pregnant with your first heat and your mate wanting nothing to do with you," Margot says, her words soft and gentle. Avalon had been spending more time at Imogen and Margot's apartment, not ready to face her roommates, afraid to know how they would react. At least when she was here, she was surrounded by people who could mask their judgment.

Imogen had left at some point, claiming to have errands to run, leaving Margot and Avalon alone together. The two of them got along well enough, but she couldn't help but feel like she was bothering the older girl. Avalon had no real reason to be hanging out with Margot when Imogen wasn't around. She was glad that she wasn't being completely blown off.

Margot looked a lot more intimidating than she actually was. The dark hair and the plethora of tattoos made for a specific impression--that she was not really someone to be messed with. But when she was at home, in her loungewear, glasses on, and hair pulled up, she seemed much more relatable. More approachable.

"I can't imagine what you're going through, but just know that people care for you. No matter what happens, you have a village here," Margot continues, her words more comforting than Avalon thought that they could be. She had quickly grown used to being told that things were going to be okay, that things will work out, but it didn't have the same impact as being reminded that people care.

"You know what it's like?" Avalon's words are barely a whisper. She did not like to think about the pregnancy at all. When she wasn't forced to be actively discussing it, she put all her willpower into forgetting for a little bit. She wasn't really showing yet, someone had commented that the baby was sitting further back and that she would 'pop' eventually.

"Yeah," Margot says. This was the first time in the three months that Avalon had known her that Margot did not sound confident. She sounded almost sorrowful. It was common for people in Kingston to tiptoe around their past, and this was the first hint that Margot had ever given her. 

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