Bandom Crack Fics

Classic Princess Story (Ryden)

Princess Sarah Orzechowski had been locked away in this tower ever since she was a young girl. She was now 23 and still had not had her prince charming rescue her. She was constantly told by her step-brother, Ryan Ross, who was also held captive, that one day someone would come and save her.

But that day had yet to happen and Sarah was becoming doubtful.

"Ryan, are you sure someone's actually going to save me? Because it's been 18 years and still no luck," Sarah asked her brother one day.

Ryan was getting sick of Sarah asking him everyday when her prince would come so today he finally lost it.

"Alright listen Sarah, at least you're a girl. Princesses get rescued way more often that princes do, and do you want to know why that is? Because the majority of knights are male, and the majority of men are straight. So that means the majority of knights would love to come and save a beautiful princess because that often results in her hand in marriage. So how about you shut the fuck up because at least we both know you're getting out of here sometime while I'm destined to be in this god-awful tower forever," Ryan finished angrily before sitting in the corner.

Sarah was shocked. She had never seen her older brother this angry before in her life. He was always such a happy-go-lucky guy who never really raised his voice. That's how she knew she fucked up and she probably shouldn't persist any longer.

She walked over to where Ryan was sitting and sat down next to him. He looked up briefly but then back to the wall.

"Hey, chin up kid, I'm sure there's a female knight just waiting to save a handsome prince like you. Or a gay male knight, you know, whatever works," Sarah added. This caused Ryan to smile just a little bit. I mean, he still faced the wall and didn't bother saying anything to his sister but hey whatever he still smiled.

Actually, he did say something to Sarah after a while. He turned to face her and said "Wait, I'm older, why are you calling me 'kid'?"

Sarah smacked his arm and stood up. "By half a year," she reminded him.

Suddenly, there was a yell from below.

"Hello? Is anyone in there?" the voice yelled. Ryan and Sarah looked at each other before Ryan smiled again.

"I guess your knight in shining armor has arrived."

Sarah rushed over to the small window in excitement. She never thought this day would actually come! After years of sitting in a dark room with no company besides her brother, finally another human was around and trying to reach out to her.

When she looked down she saw the most beautiful man she had ever seen in her life. Although granted the only other men she had ever seen were her uncles Damon and Graham which she hadn't seen in 18 years and her brother so the standards weren't very high.

Regardless this man was everything she could ever want and more. When he saw Sarah, his eyes widened and his mouth hung open.

Sarah waved and he waved back, still staring at Sarah's flawless appearance. He then realized oh shit how the fuck am I supposed to get up there?

It's alright though because prince Ryan to the rescue am I right?

Anyway yeah Ryan had a rope.

Don't ask where he got it because frankly I have no clue.

Ryan tossed the rope to Sarah and she let it down. It was just long enough for Brendon-er, I mean, the knight who they don't know the name of yet-to climb it and hoist himself into the castle.

That's when hOLY SHIT IS THAT GUY HOT AS HELL.

Yeah Sir Brendon was not completely 100% straight.

Actually if we're being honest he's pretty fucking gay but he'd settle for a chick if she were the right one you know?

But yeah no this prince was way hotter than the princess in Brendon's eyes.

And Ryan totally thought the same because dAMN WAS THIS KNIGHT HOT AS FUCK.

Yeah so basically they were thirsty for each other.

But like

secretly.

Because Sarah was still in the room.

And trust me if she weren't Ryan would be all over Brendon right now don't get me wrong.

"So, who might you be?" Sarah asked, interrupting Ryan and Brendon's basically staring contest at this point.

This caused Brendon to snap back into reality and stop looking as this beautiful boy and focus on the pretty girl he was sent for.

But he was definitely going to get back to that boy later.

"What? Oh, uh, I'm Brendon Urie-Sir-Sir Brendon Urie, because you know...I'm a knight and all," he fumbled. Yeah he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about just in case you couldn't tell.

I mean he still had that sir title.

Because he was a knight.

But Brendon sort of forgot that for a moment.

He was too busy looking into that man's beautiful brown eyes to remember his own middle name to be honest.

"Hello?" Fuck, Brendon wasn't paying attention again and he was snapped back to reality by the princess.

"Sorry what?" Brendon quickly asked.

Sarah sighed. "I was asking why you were here."

"Oh, right. Well, I was sent by the king to save princess...who are you exactly?" Brendon asked, realizing he had no idea who he was actually saving.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "I'm princess Sarah Orzechowski and this is my step-brother prince Ryan Ross," she introduced.

Ryan Ross, Brendon thought to himself, that has a nice ring to it.

"Well then I'm here to save princess Sarah on behalf of king Dallon...but if I'm being honest I'm more interested in prince Ryan over here," Brendon said with a wink.

Ryan could feel his face heating up as Sarah's eyes widened.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"I mean, I'm supposed to be saving a princess but like I didn't know there'd be a prince here. The king will be pissed if I don't bring back the princess though so I guess I do have to save you," Brendon explained.

Ryan frowned a tad bit while Sarah beamed. She was finally going to be free! She could finally see the real world and speak to other people rather than her older step-brother!

But then something completely unexpected happened.

Well, not completely unexpected if you actually knew Brendon.

Brendon leaned over and kissed Ryan, completely ignoring Sarah.

Sarah stared at the sight in front of her. What the hell was going on? This isn't how the story was supposed to go, Brendon what the fuck are you doing?

Brendon stepped down from the kiss and grabbed Ryan's hand, pulling him towards the window. He nudged Ryan out the window and Ryan obliged, climbing down the rope.

Brendon then stepped out the window and left with nothing more than a "Bye princess!" for Sarah.

Sarah then went back to her bed and sat down in frustration.

This was not how the story was supposed to go.

This was not anywhere near what was supposed to happen.

Especially according to Ryan.

Who now, ironically, was probably on his way to sir Brendon's castle where he would live happily ever after with his new boyfriend while Sarah had to sit and wait for another knight to come around.

Goddamn it Ryan.