Chapter Four: A Series Of Firsts

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     Canada reached the safety of his home and layed on the couch trying catching his breath. His mind going a million miles a minute thinking all about that loud and obnoxious and wonderful Prussian man. This was the first time he's ever experienced anything like this. And Canada knows, he knows what this feeling is. But he's scared. He's scared that he'll be forgotten. Scared that he'll get hurt. Scared that he's just not good enough. And scared that he won't love him. Yes, Canada is terrified. He's terrified of love.
       Canada didn't know when he fell asleep but the unending ringing of the doorbell from his house woke him up from his snooze. Canada stood up and briskly walked to the door. Before opening it, he looked into the peephole and his heart stopped. The afternoon daylight shined down upon the person standing on his porch. It was Prussia. He took a few breaths and slowly opened the door just wide enough for his head to pop out.
"How do you know where I live?" Canada asked involuntary. He winced and quickly turned his head down.
Gilbert watched this Canadian with an amused expression. "Scheiße he's so cute." Gilbert grinned and bent down so he could look up at Canada's face.
"Hallo Mattie! I totally didn't follow you home or anything like zhat. But look, I have something for you. Aren't I so awesome?"
Too close, too close, too close. Canada could die right here at this moment. And he was seriously contemplating it. His face turned red as a tomato as he blinked down on this stupid Prussian. This man called him by his other name, and as a nickname at that. He possibly followed him home, and he was bending down to look up at him, while flashing that stupid grin that made his heart thump faster.
"Mattie? Eh... nevermind, what did you want to give to me?" Canada mumbled. He tried to look anywhere but Prussia's gaze. Prussia, still hunched over, reached for something behind his back and pulled out a small, white, and struggling polar bear.
"Zhis is yours, ja? I found it while I was... walking. It said your name so it must be yours. And zhe awesome me could not simply just leave it on the ground! Oh! At first, when I picked it up, it tried attacking zhe amazing me. Und mein Gilbird flew away, sometimes he can be unawesome in the face of danger. So anyways I grabbed the things' neck und--"
  Canada wasn't really listening to Prussia speak. Sure, he looked at his face, mostly lips, as Prussia rattled on. But his mind was elsewhere. He thought about what would happen if he just leaned in a bit more to brush those lips with his own. He thought about Gilbert's reaction to being confessed to by him. Would he be disgusted? Shocked? Would he hate him? Canada almost did let those words slip out. So he could finally give up on Gilbert. Because Gilbert does not love him and he'll get rejected. Then he'll start the lonely journey of moving on with his life. But instead, Canada grabbed for his bear and slammed the door shut. He's not afraid to admit, he's a coward. However, Canada did not know, that at the last second, Prussia put his foot on the threshold to stop the door from closing shut.
"Oh ficken! My foot is dying!" Prussia cried out, grasping his foot and falling to the wooden floor.
"Oh my g..god. I'm terrible sorry, Gilbert. Ice? Ice! I need to get ice," Canada dropped Kumajiro and knelt down beside Prussia. He was a shaking mess trying to take off Prussia's shoe to inspect the damage.
"I'm fine now," Prussia hummed. "You're basically touching me und even called me Gilbert! Anyways, nations have magic healing powers, ja?" Canada leapt back, embarrassed by his actions and how he completely forgot that nations heal.
"I'm really sorry about that.. But really, you should know better than to put your foot there when someone closes the door. And seriously, you didn't actually follow me home, eh? You know nothing about me! I can't believe how irresponsible and troublesome you are!" Canada gasped in horror at his own outburst. He noticed that Prussia was already standing up and he followed suit. He stepped towards Prussia with every intent on pushing him out of his house but faltered when the man was also stepping towards him. Gilbert's gaze on Matthew was intense and sent chills down his spine. Gilbert's eyes never left Matthew's as he inched closer to him, until finally, he was close enough for Matthew to touch.
"Mattie," Gilbert's voice sounded uncertain. "Can I.." Canada closed his eyes and waited to hear what Gilbert would ask of him. To never be in his life? To never attempt contact with him again? He wasn't sure what he was going to hear, and was quite scared to find out. But those piercing red eyes tinted with what looks like.. hunger?maybe, just maybe..
"Mattie... Can I.. kiss you?"
Matthew's eyes shot open. His cheeks were tinged red as he stared up at Gilbert with a look of surprise and his breath caught in his throat. Gilbert's face was a mixture of want and doubt. Matthew kept staring at Gilbert, shock clear on his face. Is this a joke? How was he supposed to answer that, when that's what he's been thinking about ever since they met? The silence stretched on and Gilbert's expression turned to one of panic. "Oh, I should probably g-" Without thinking, Matthew pulled down on Gilbert's collar and kissed him. They were both shocked at the sudden impact and Matthew pulled away quickly. His face turned scarlet and his voice shook, "Sorry! I don't know what-" Matthew gasped when Gilbert pushed their lips back together. At first, Matthew didn't move, but Gilbert started slowly and gently, almost as if he was afraid this wasn't real. And then Matthew was kissing him back and Gilbert responded by kissing him roughly, almost devouring Matthew. Gilbert wanted more, needed more.  He ran his hands through Matthew's hair while Matthew left feather soft touches along his back that made him burn. Gilbert licked Matthew's bottom lip, Matthew stilled for a moment and then opened his mouth. Gilbert moaned into Matthew as their tongues met and their kiss deepened.
    Matthew was breathless. This. This is what he wanted since the first time they met. Matthew's first kiss is more than perfect, it feels wonderful. Feeling Gilbert like this and touching him, its like a dream come true. Matthew broke the kiss for air and tried to calm his ragged breathing. He flushed when he realized he was holding Gilbert, they were both panting. Gilbert grinned, which caused currents to shoot along Matthew's spine. Matthew looked up at Gilbert through half lidded eyes.
"Gil.." He breathed. Matthew's mind kicked in and he quickly froze and backed away from Gilbert. "He's only doing this because he was curious and then you forced him to k..kiss you and now you expect more? If you keep going you're going to get hurt. He probably thinks you're disgusting already."
"-Tie, Mattie? Are you okay?" Matthew looked up at Gilbert's confused expression.
"You need to leave now," Matthew whispered.
"What?"
"Please, just go," Matthew was on the verge of tears. He didn't want Gilbert to think he was more disgusting by seeing him cry. He stepped towards Gilbert and pushed him out the doorway much to the Prussian's protests. Canada could be strong if he wanted to. Before he shut the door on Gilbert, he could see the look of pure confusion on his face. But Matthew knew that Gilbert would know in time how disgusting he is.
   Matthew shut the door and leaned against it. After awhile, he heard footsteps leave. That's when he let out his tears. He cried for a few moments and hiccuped when he was done. He stared blankly at the space Gilbert just occupied and let out an empty laugh. That was the first time he told someone he loved to leave him.




      AUTHORS NOTES:
Lol crappy chappy
what is even plot or conflict or anything for that matter.

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