Forever Trust In Who We Are

Chapter LVXVII

"I don't know, man. You were already punching the guy on the floor when we arrived," Kirk explained to James, busy coiling a cable.

"But how did it happen?" James insisted, placing the last cymbal inside it's case. Since Secret Studios didn't open on Mondays, James and a couple of Spastik Children had to go on Tuesday to pick up their equipment and settle the bill for the venue.


"You were like a fucking bull, man! It took a while to calm you down. And he was high as a kite, y'know? The poor bastard didn't even fight back."


"And then?"


"Then? Well, the dick ran away bleeding, and we finally convinced you to get in the car, and dropped you and Kristen home."


"And that was that?"


Pursing his lip for a second, Kirk bit an involuntary smile as a quick flashback of James' ridiculous drunken proposal played in his mind. But he drew a deep breath, before he asserted, "Yeap, that was that."


"Mhm... really?" James eyed him through narrow slits.


"Pft, of course!" Kirk insisted, trying sound more convincing, determined to honor Kristen's request of not telling James anything about it. After all, it had to be her choice to tell him about it, if she was interested in discussing marriage with him, wasn't it?


But Kirk's response simply made James even more suspicious, especially after Fred's own evasive answer to the same question a little earlier. Which also was given in the most annoying, mocking, tone, "Fucking Het, you really don't remember anything? Anything at all?"


Only that, when James questioned him further about the details of the fight, he simply replied, "I ain't got a clue! As if you ever needed a reason to start a fight when you're shitfaced, dude."


James's mood darkened several shades. They were keeping something from him.


Like her.


Kristen had been the first one to dodge the question, begging him not to make her remember that moment anymore. And he couldn't exert more pressure on her because he still felt like a brute after what he did to her. Besides, she also had this way of disarming him with one look of her beautiful eyes. He had always had a weak spot for pretty girls, but nothing compared with the way his will was bent by this one... In a matter of seconds all his weariness had turned into a desperate need to kiss her, to prove to himself she was still his. He had tried to make her look at him, to find unspoken answers  in her face, but, inevitably, his sight had dropped on her full, parted lips, and he couldn't stop himself.  He kissed her with desperation until all emotion was drained out of his chest. When he finally came back to his senses, and opened his eyes, he found her there, barely keeping her place on the stool, out of breath, staring perplexed at him, with that huge thing around her neck, and he felt like a beast again, for forcing his feelings on her that way. And made a quick exit, trying to give her space, determined to find the truth on his own. But now he was even more irritated and confused.


Not oblivious to James' frustration—which was hard to ignore, especially when he started to throw the gear around with anger, as he packed up—Kirk looked to soothe his bad mood, approaching him cautiously.


"Honest to God," Kirk began explaining, "I don't know the exact reason why you were kicking the shit out of that dude, but I was under the impression he disrespected Kristen someway, because you kept yelling at him to stay away from her."


"Was I?"


"Yes. If she doesn't wanna talk about it, maybe you should ask Jason. He was the one with Kristen, while the rest of us tried to reason with you. And, by the way, have you heard anything from him?"


"Jason? No, I've been too busy taking care of K."


"He was supposed to go with me to this horse breeding farm in Yuba County yesterday, but he never showed up, and I haven't found him anywhere. No one has seen him since Halloween."


"Who knows, maybe he went to see Judy in Phoenix."


"I thought so, I've been calling there too, but she isn't home either."


"Weird, maybe they're together somewhere else."


"Maybe, but he could have let me know, didn't he?"




Trying to distract her thoughts from James, Kristen spent a good portion of the evening studying the work sample Caroline had sent her, attempting to sketch some designs on her own. At the beginning the superb quality of the work had been a source of inspiration for her, an exciting challenge to emulate the precise, dynamic, and stylized lines of the designs. But eventually, faced with her own drawing limitations, it became a latent reminder of her, still undeveloped skills, and she ended up putting the notebook away in frustration.


Besides, she couldn't fool herself, since every thought she had always went back to James and why she just couldn't confess everything to him, trying to measure the consequences of her silence. Why couldn't he understand she was trying to put all that behind? To come back from it, not so scarred... at least not in his eyes.


And then, there was that unexpected kiss, that had left her absolutely dazzled, flushing from head to toe. He had left so quickly, that didn't even give her a chance to react. Since then, whatever peace of mind she might had left was lost. He left her burning from inside out every time she evoked the memory of it. The heat was so overbearing, soon her neck brace became asphyxiating, and even clothes became hard to bear. Eventually she ended up semi naked, wishing, against her better judgment, he came back and picked on from where he had left off.


At least she had managed to keep Rose from coming over, which hadn't been an easy task, and Kristen was forced to lie to her all the way. In the end she had a bit of a hard time taking care of herself all alone. At one point she really missed being pampered by her mom, but Lars' crutches had been a great aid, and it filled her with a sense self accomplishment to be able to survive without the help of anyone. Plus, she believed James—and her—needed a break from her mother's intruding presence. She had to talk to him, to make him understand that she would be open to move on, if they gave the matter a rest.


Bored and unable to find a TV show that would release her from her chaotic thoughts, Kristen decided to give her brother's Nintendo a chance, and unhooked her leg from the suspender, to drag herself to the opposite side of the bed, and reached the console. Since all the cartridges were scattered on the floor out of her reach, she ended up trying the action game that was already inside, named "Contra", that she had seen Timmy play. In it she controlled a Rambo like character breaking inside the enemy's head quarters.


Unexpectedly, soon she found herself absorbed in the shooting adventure for hours, in wait for James, until the tips of her thumbs hurt and her eyes were burning.





"Is it all?" Kirk inquired, dusting off his hands, as they placed the last piece of equipment on the rented U-haul truck.


"Is it all?" James echoed his question with a bidding intonation to Tony, the roadie they had brought to help them around.


"Yeah, I think."


"You think?" James snapped. "Go check!"


"Okay," the long haired boy nodded, and ran back inside the studio, while Kirk laughed under his breath at James' exertion of power.


The sun had begun to sink in the horizon, coloring the world in orange and gold.


Sitting over an amplifier, to rest momentarily, James stared in silence at the flower shop across the street, considering if it would remain open for long. After that impulsive kiss, he really was in need of a bouquet now.


"Where's Fred?" Kirk broke his trail of thoughts.


"He's settling the bill," replied James with a sigh, rubbing the dust from his hands on the sides of his light blue jeans. "Wanna go for a drink afterwards?" he asked Kirk.