Dark City

Day 1, Monday

FYI --- is representing static.

Welcome listeners.
Today is Murder Monday. Be sure to murder someone today or get murdered yourself or you shall face the consequences by way of sacrificial ceremony. If you are under five years old you do not need to participate in this holiday because it will not be amusing to watch you kill people. That announcement was brought to you by the high archery of Dark city, you know the ones who shall never be called by name. Now back to the news.

Before we get into some of the events going on in Dark City, I have prepared a little something for you.

Here is a list if things that should never happen and hopefully never will
Chocolate
Melting.
Cars
Melting.
People
Melting.
Cities
Not
melting.

And now an update in news
Farmer Steve of Steve farms had a heart attack yesterday.
Luckily his wife was there to try to save him.
She saved his heart, she did not however save his body.

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There is a pack of mules running through the town,
We advise you keep your children inside and safe form the stampede.
If you are responsible for all these mules please come down to the high archery's administration's office or the H.A.A.O for short. They claim to have a present waiting for you in their office.
And I mean who doesn't like presents right? Right?
(Deep growling voice) You will like presents. You will like presents.

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Sorry about that guys.
That was just -ummm-the voices- okay, moving on.

The beach is looking nice and sunny today. It's a great day to bring your kids down to the beach. Remember, if you forget your kids there, you get a bonus of $25 on your paycheck. Also always apply lots of sunscreen so not to burn, don't look directly in the sun, shield your eyes from ultra violet radiation with sunglasses, and don't swim unless there is a lifeguard folks.

Journalist Maria Coopers, you know Maria with those nice kind eyes.
Those NICE KIND EYES...
Yes that Maria coopers has been investigating the mule stampede. She says the mules are nonexistent and nonrenewable. She says if you see a mule please tell your doctor, because the problem is you. Thank you and good day.

Now a sports update,
H.A.A.O have been making some changes. This years football season is undisturbed by these changes. Except for the fact that football is now a game that involves two teams fighting to the death for a ball shaped like a foot. There can only be one winner. May the best nonhuman win.

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THOSE KIND EYES

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And know for today's fortune,

You will know what you do not know and more do not know, until you know it so much, you unknown it.

That was today's fortune.

Today's forecast is, uhhuhhuhjuhuhuhuuhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj.
That's what the forecaster said, then again he is also a zombie so what'd you expect?

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George Higgins has claimed responsibility for the mules. Though firmly stated imaginary, George Higgins says he still forced them into people's Brains. He is going to get his present, good luck Higgins, good luck.

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Now a message from our sponsor

Have you ever walked into a room and thought
"Why is there blood on the wall?"
Well no more.
Just don't turn around and you'll never see it.
It is a method you use for everything.
And save the whales.
Sponsored by the Marine life foundation.

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Listeners I have some scary news to report. George who went to get his present, has not returned, to the Higgins I am sorry for your loss. But really, present? You should've know better George. Shame. Shame.

Now the weather
Tomorrow it will rain parrots, and wizard babies. Then sunny skies.

---
The president of the H.A.A.O had a speech at the end of the murder festivities to mourn the losses and congratulate the winners. She said, "People who have died,Josh, Jacob, jack, Jordan, Jamie, Jason, Jill, Janet,Jane,Jeremiah. Everyone alive is a winner."
When a man asked her why all the people who died started with a J, the president replied, "by no such reason are you to draw the conclusion there is a conspiracy, you are not to think in it or even talk about it. This is simply preposterous, and has nothing to do with the overpopulation of people who's names start with J's."
Seems pretty believable if you ask me.

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"What me?"
"Yes that is a picture of Maria's eyes."
"Yes I did take it when I hid behind the bushes last night."
"Wait Am I airing this?"

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Listeners you WILL forget what you just heard there and if by any means you speak of it again. They're WILLING be consequences...

That was Dark City's Daily Broadcast.
Till next time, goodnight, and even if you aren't tired close your eyes anyways.
The monster under your bed feels safer thinking your asleep.