Mind Of A Slave

Lost and Sad

"CASS? IS YOU leaving? You can't leave..." Hannah says, urgently. But I could leave. I could leave if I wanted to. There is no one to stop me. I could leave and never come back.

Leave Noah.

Leave the Plantation.

But I'd have to leave Amos, too, and Hannah and Beckey who have become my family.

"No," I say.

She throws her arms around me and starts to cry.

"Hannah," I say, alarmed, "I ain't leaving."

"I knows," she cries, "But I was thinkin' you were gonna an' I were scared. I loves you like a sister, Cass."

And that, I realise, is why I can't possibly leave. I can't leave Hannah, who loves me like a sister. I can't leave the people who know me the best and who depend on me every day, just like I depend on them.

I can't leave.

As I hug her, something hard presses against my hand. I take the knife out of her pocket and hold it between us. Her body tenses when she sees the knife in my hand. She looks down at the ground, avoiding my eyes.

"Why does you have this?" I ask.

She shrugs.

"Why, Hannah?"

She continues to stare at the ground. Then eventually she lifts her head and her eyes lock onto mine.

"I thinks 'bout leavin' too sometime," she says in a voice no louder than a whisper.

She glances up at me expectantly, fearfully, as if I'm about to scold her.

I put the knife flat on the ground and step on the blade. Then I pull the handle upwards and the blade snaps. I pick up the two pieces and throw them into the bushes.

"Knives ain't gonna do nothin' for you," I say. I grip her hand and we walk back to the gates. They are threatening, ominous, impending. Weeds crawl over the iron bars, choking them.

"You thinks we fit?" Hannah asks me.

"Think so," I say, "We can try an' if it don't work we can goes back to the fence like all a the others an' we'll fit through there."

"Ok." Hannah turns herself sideways and slips through the gate easily. She extends her hand for me. I hold it as I push my shoulder into the gap between two bars. Slowly I squeeze my body through until I am half way there. I'm bigger than Hannah and the bars press into my back and chest as Hannah helps me through.

"Ow!" I say as she finally pulls me free.

"Sorry," she says. She rubs my back with her palm. "OK?"

I nod. "We gotta go. Roun' the side, so Noah don't see us."

We run to the edge of the Plantation and stay close to the fence as we make our way to the bottom of the field. We pass men and women and children working amongst the cotton plants. They lift their heads to watch us but they don't say anything.

We have almost reached the cabins when I hear a noise from behind the bushes. I duck behind a tree and pull Hannah down beside me.

"What is it?"

"Shh."

"Soun' like somebody cryin'" Hannah whispers. We shuffle closer. She's right. The sobbing gets louder. I stand up silently so I can see the back of the person's head. A small blond head. And I know who it is.