Mind Of A Slave

"You's safe here"

27.

MORE MEN IN uniforms dash past us. They run through the cotton fields and down towards the cabins. Fire sweeps across the plants and soon the entire field is burning. They're destroying the plantation.

"Maybe her family are already gone," I say.

"Maybe." Amos nudges me forwards. We start to walk.

"Where we goin'?"

"It's too dangerous here," he says. "I gonna take you back to your cabin."

"Wait." I pull him to a halt. "What about Julia?"

He doesn't answer.

We look up at the house at the same time.

He opens his mouth but I put my palm over his lips. He doesn't need to tell me. I know its too late.

I pray that she's out of the house, that maybe her family have already escaped, that she's safe, because I know that if she's trapped inside that house there is nothing we can do to save her.

Nothing.

We make our way along the edge of the field, in the direction of the cabins.

Beckey is standing with her hands on her hips, watching the commotion. We run over to her.

"This ain't good," she says. "This ain't good at all."

"But we gone be free," I remind her.

"What good's free gonna do us if we ain't got land to live on?" She says.

"They's gonna give us land," I tell her. "Them soldiers, they gotta leave we slaves somethin' when they free us."

She shakes her head and wipes sweat from her brow. "It ain't gone be enough," she spits. She looks over my shoulder and suddenly her eyes widen. "Cass, get your stuff," she says slowly.

"What?"

"Jus' get your food an' your things. Get 'em real quick."

I turn around and squint at where she's looking. Behind me, the cabin at the end of the row burns against the dark sky.

"What's happening?"

"They's burning cabins," says Amos, "right?"

"Jus' get your things," Beckey says.

I run into my cabin without further hesitation. I gather up my possessions, retrieving them from under my bed. My headscarfs. My clothes. The remains of my food rations. I don't own many things. In fact, everything I own can be carried in my arms all at once. The alligator necklace hangs around my neck. The coded paper is still in the pocket of my dress.

Beckey takes my things and puts them into a bag, which she slings over her back.

"Where you takin' all a it?"

"To the cabin at the end. It's Agnes's. She gone look after the bag for us for a little while," Beckey replies.

"Ok." I figure my things are safe in Agnes's hands.

She leaves just as Amos runs up to me.

"Amos, you ain't got your things. Go get 'em, quick, an' Beckey can give 'em to Agnes to protect. Run an' you gone catch her up."

He doesn't move.

"Amos, go! You don't wants your possessions to be burned, does you?"

There's a long pause during which Amos stares at me with such force that he seems to hold me in place. Then he says, "Cass, I got the air I need to breathe an' the girl I love right here wid me."

Something inside me crumples when he says 'the girl I love'. I feel a little dizzy, maybe because I've never heard him say that he loves me before now.

"But, what 'bout your...things?" I say.

He looks down. He digs his foot into the ground and shifts the dirt around with his toes.

"I ain't got nothin' else."

"Nothing? No... special objects or... old clothes or..."

"I got nothin', Cass."

Suddenly he pulls me forward and we hurry towards the burning cabin. I stop running when I see a small girl standing outside the door, her face in her hands, crying. And I realise that this cabin is Hannah's home. I walk over to her and grasp her hand as Amos helps to extinguish the flames.

"My Mama," Hannah cries, "My Mama's inside."

I look at the flaming house, made entirely of wood and all of a sudden I'm standing inside it, shrouded in smoke, wondering if I'm going crazy. I hear Amos shouting behind me. I try to call to him but my lungs fill up with smoke and the heat presses into me like a hot stone wall. I push further into the cabin and squint around. A person lies on the floor to my left. I squat and shake her shoulder. She doesn't move. I begin to feel dizzy and I don't know how long I can stay alive in here. I hoist the woman into my arms, but I've only walked a few steps before I have to put her down. My lungs are screaming for air. The muscles in my back are taught and sore. Everything aches. I grip the woman's arm and drag her across the floor. I'm almost there. I can see faces outside the cabin. I can hear voices. I begin to cough and then I can't stop. I drop to my knees. I can hear the flames and I know they're near by. Soon they will burn me if I don't get out. I need to get out of here. But Hannah's Mama won't survive if I don't help her. I start to drag her again, inch by inch, across the floor. I can't let Hannah down. I'm almost there. I reach the doorway and Amos pulls Hannah's Mama onto the grass outside. Then he grabs my hand and I stumble after her. I collapse on the ground. Someone throws water over me. I cough until my throat is raw. My eyes sting. Sweat trickles down my face. I lay my head on the grass until somebody hauls me off the ground and I hear Hannah yelling "We gotta go!"

I walk blindly in the direction of her voice. An arm curls around my waist, holding me upright. Amos's breaths are heavy in my ear. He doesn't let go of me and he whispers although I can't understand what he's saying. I try to open my eyes and I see fire everywhere. Its like the world has turned orange. Sharp voices turn into spears which pierce my ears.

I feel as though I am walking through an endless tunnel of noise. People rush past me carrying baskets and piles of food and small children who cry silently. Amos calls to a uniformed man. I think he's asking for help. The man ignores him. The spears continue to dig into my ears.

I hear gunshots followed by screaming.

I let Amos lead me away from the flames and the spears and the chaos. We reach the fence and Amos helps me over it. I can barely keep my balance as I stand on the other side, free from the fire and danger. I can still feel the smoke in my eyes. My ears must be bleeding from the spears.

I lie down on the ground and close my eyes. I don't know how long I stay there but when I finally move, my limbs are stiff and my throat is parched.

Amos smiles and tells me that everything's okay but I know that it isn't. The Union has arrived and they are destroying our home.

I try to speak but I end up coughing until I am exhausted.

I'm vaguely aware that the sun has risen and it is no longer night.

I don't know where Hannah is. Amos lies down beside me. I sit up slowly and I look into his kind brown eyes. I see him as a boy who has nothing in the world except the clothes he wears, yet he never feels sorry for himself. I see a boy who is strong and hopeful and loyal. I see a boy who I never want to lose. Then I lean forward and I kiss him. I don't know why, but amidst the background noise and the smell of smoke, I kiss him. Maybe I want him to know that he's got me, and I'll never leave him.

When our lips part, his eyes are closed. His hand tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"You's safe here," he says.

I wish I could believe him.