Smothered (bxb)

Trash

All night I worried about him, wondering if he got home safe, if he ended up being okay, If he was even able to breathe. I wouldn't eat, well... I couldn't. I felt sick to my stomach with worry over this boy I'd practically just met. My mother definitely noticed and tried to pester me about it, but I just told her it was nothing and to leave me alone. She didn't take that very well but decided to just agree with what I wanted and not to argue with me.

As I lay brooding in my room I decided I needed a shower to cool off and clear my thoughts. I got off of my soft bed in the corner of my huge room and walked over to my bathroom. As I took off my clothes and started the shower to get the hot water running, I looked at myself in the mirror. The bags under my eyes were more pronounced and my eyes drooped in a saddened state. I stared at the pronounced muscles that grazed over my toned body, and how my chest and stomach weren't flat, they rippled with small muscles under my tan skin. And even though I saw a good looking guy in the mirror, on the inside I felt so...so ugly. The way people looked at me, stared and quickly looked away, the way that those football players assumed I would hurt their girlfriends, and how their girlfriends were afraid of me by just taking a look, just by glancing at the surface; that is what made me feel ugly. It made me feel unwanted, judged, belittled, stereotyped and rejected. But inside I am kind, I have feelings just like they do, and I am compassionate, I worry for others and I care about how others are doing. Why does nobody see that? As I took another look in the now foggy mirror I remembered how Gus made me feel. He brought out all those hidden characteristics so he could see them, he noticed them and even when he didn't know me, he gave me the chance... he gave me the chance to be myself. Freed from the stereotypes and judgement.

I stepped into the hot water in my shower and let the water trickle down my toned body feeling the warmth spread throughout me like a comforting campfire. I calmed down and relaxed my muscles and my mind under the warm embrace of the water encasing me in itself.

The next day I walked up to the elm tree at lunch and Gus wasn't waiting there like he usually was. This made that knot in my stomach triple. And by the end of lunch he still hadn't shown up which made me feel like I was going to be sick again. Where was he? Was he okay? Did his asthma attack... oh my god... what if he never made it home? These thoughts were running constantly like a skipping record, over and over in my head all day. It made me hate how I never thought to get his phone number, and how I had no way of reaching him. I was beating myself up over being so stupid... but how was I to know? How was I to know that I felt so strongly about this boy. He was probably just skipping school today, he was probably fine... but my mind kept jumping to the worst conclusions. I was completely and utterly infatuated with Gus, a boy I had met nearly two weeks ago, a boy I knew next to nothing about, yet a boy that made me see the inner beauty in things and most importantly, the inner beauty in myself.

That night I fell asleep staring at the two pictures Gus gave me. I put the new one up next to the one of me under the tree reading that was taped to the wall by my head. As I fell asleep my last thoughts were of Gus and how much I hoped he was alright.

In the morning I got up late and dressed quickly into my typical black skinny jeans, a navy blue t-shirt and my leather jacket. I hurriedly grabbed an apple before running out of the door and towards school, not without getting a death glare from my mother for being late. When I approached the school, class was already in session and I entered my Math class in the middle of the lesson which earned me a detention after school... Great. After Math was over (which helped to calm my nerves for the anticipation of lunch) I went into English and Mr. Kinns kept asking me questions about the damn novel study (which I was behind on because I preferred to read my own books) and I kept getting the questions wrong or I didn't know them which made my nerves come back and also made me very irritated. That definitely didn't help the stares I was getting from a few of the girls at the front, because it meant that I ended up glaring at them until their faces turned a shade of white and the whipped back around to face the front of the room. Jeeze, I was not in a good mood. By the time the lunch bell rang, I just about passed out from worry and anticipation. I quickly walked outside of the school towards the tree and that's when I saw him. I saw a tall, lanky, long haired boy leaning against the tree facing me. I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding and walked up to meet him. But as I got closer I saw them... Gus had bruises and scratches and gashes polka dotting his perfect, pale skin. He nodded to me in greeting and motioned me to sit down. I was dumbstruck and mortified by the marks that scattered his body, from his arms, up his neck and to his face.

"Gus..." I started but then he cut in.

"Stop." He said in a serious tone as he looked away from me, turning his head so all I could see was his long hair serving as curtains, blocking his face from view. "I don't want to talk about it okay?" he said quieter and his voice crackling with emotion.

"I was so freaking worried, Gus." I told him under my breath. I look over at him and I can't help but reach up with my strong hands and gently brush his long, wavy hair out of his face and tuck it behind his ear, revealing the small pink ear piercing. I know I shouldn't have done it, It was weird, but I couldn't hold it back. I just wanted to comfort this sweet boy, and I felt like I couldn't because It would be too invasive as a friend. He looks over at me with confusion in his eyes at my action, but then I guess he disregards them because he sighs and hunches forwards grabbing onto his knees and rocks back and forth in the fetal position.

"I... I know, I'm sorry I left you like that. I was fine, really." He whispers and I roll my eyes with slight irritation.

"Gus, you're such a bad lair." I scoff as I gesture to his bruises and cuts, "You definitely are not fine. Now please talk to me, tell me what happened, I was so fucking worried, and now you won't even tell me why I needed to be that afraid for you." I say as my voice starts to rise and speed up in frustration. He looks over at me with wide eyes and I see him flinch at my words, but it could have been my imagination.

"Why were you so concerned anyways? It's not like you've known me for a long time or anything." He says in a hushed voice while looking at his feet, not meeting my gaze. Taken back by his question I try to think... I know why I was so overly scared for him, I know why. But should I actually tell him? I contemplate for a few seconds before deciding against it. It was too early.

"I care because you're the only person other than my mom who gives a damn about me. You actually talk to me, and seem to like me, and I care about you because you are the only friend I've got. You are my friend, and friends care about each other! Jesus Gus, can't you tell?!" The last part slips out, and I quickly snap my mouth closed waiting for his response.  I hear him shift around next to me and that's when I feel the soft pressure of two, long arms wrapping around my shoulders in a warm embrace. My heart beat explodes at the sudden contact and I melt into the hug. I wrap my arms back around his lower back and feel his body quiver with the beginnings of a sob. I pat his back lightly, trying to comfort the distraught boy in my arms. I hear him hiccup as he tries to stifle another sob. I rub soothing circles along his warm, thin back with one of my palms and that seems to work to help him control his crying.

"Thank you." He whispers quietly into the crook of my neck where his head is gently rested. "Thank you for caring." I nod at his soft words and keep rubbing gentle circles on his back until he regains himself and pulls away from our embrace. He looks flustered, but smiles apologetically at me as he notices the wet spots left on my t-shirt. I laugh slightly and we both break out in small smiles. He goes to sit back in his usual spot and leans his head back against the trunk of the elm tree, letting out a massive sigh.

"It was my foster guardian." I look over at him not understanding what he meant. "It was my foster guardian who did this to me." He looks over at me and stares into my eyes, piercing me with pain-filled emotion.

"Why?" I whisper to him quietly.

"Because I forgot to take out the trash in the morning." He replied looking at his arms that were covered in cuts and gashes. "I forgot to take out the bloody trash."