Snakeroot

7. Insidious

As the weather grew cooler, the work got easier on Juan, so he came around more often. Those were the very best of days, because with Juan there we all knew we were safe from Daddy and Uncle Henry. It always gave my heart a thrill to hear his car pull up. Sometimes Megan and I would run out to greet him before Tara could even get out the door. He always hugged us and said, "Here are my girls!"

I loved seeing him with Tara. He was very sweet and gentle with her. He looked at her with such tenderness that there was no doubt of how he felt about her. He had a certain way of pushing her hair back before kissing her that made me sigh. Tara said it made her sigh, too.

Juan didn't let us walk to Ms. Linda's house anymore. Instead, he picked us all up in the mornings and drove to Ms. Linda's house so Tara could drop Tommy off, then they dropped us off at the elementary school. Then it was off to the high school for him and Tara, and he came to pick us all up whenever he was able to get off work in time. He fixed broken things around the camper and made sure not even a breeze could get inside. He said that he wanted us all to be warm since winter would soon come.

You see, that was the great thing about Juan. He loved Tara - he loved her like the desert loved the rain. but he loved all of us too, and with him around it wasn't so hard to imagine that there was still an ember of hope buried deep within my soul, just out of my reach. He was the bright spot for all of us.

But he couldn't always be there. And when he wasn't there, we weren't safe. Those were the worst nights. Sometimes Daddy would come stumbling in, drunk and pissed off about this or that, and leave the mark of his temper on our little camper. Sometimes he just upended the table, but other times he ripped things apart or knocked things off the counter. Megan and I would always hide in the sleeper with Tommy while Tara yelled at him to get out. Megan always cried, but I didn't. I couldn't. I just sat there with my body curled protectively around them, seething with rage and hatred that I couldn't express.

He didn't hit Tara anymore, and he didn't come at me either. Tara said it was because he was afraid of Juan. Daddy was taller, Tara told me, but Juan was stronger and Daddy knew it. But Uncle Henry was far more insidious. He slithered into the camper any time Juan wasn't around, pestering Tara to walk him back to the trailer if she wanted him to leave. Sometimes it was awhile before she came back. I didn't know what happened, but whatever it was, she never wanted to talk about it. That alone told me it was bad, because now that I was getting older Tara was always honest with me about stuff, even if it was ugly. I knew that whatever happened in that trailer must have been uglier than anything if Tara didn't want to tell me about it.

She was proud, for certain. She took pride in everything, from the little bit of money she made to how clean she kept the camper. She always fussed at us to never be ashamed of what little we had because we'd come by it honestly. But juan made her swallow that pride on Thanksgiving.

"Come to my house," he said. "My mother will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Besides, she wants to meet the kids."

"I'm gonna cook here," she protested, but we all knew what that meant. Juan knew, too. He knew better than to say it aloud and I knew better than to utter the words but I was secretly glad we were going to have a proper Thanksgiving dinner instead of crackers and pasta.

So Tara made us all dress in our best clothes, and we all piled up in Juan's car. He lived on the other side of Snakeroot, in the same area where Ms. Linda lived. He had an older brother who was married with two children, a younger sister that was Tara's age, and another younger brother that was six years old. His mother was named Rosa. She was no taller than me, but she was clearly the queen of her little castle. She hugged all of us kids in welcome and told us to make ourselves at home while she finished with dinner.

Juan's family seemed huge to me. They were loud and all over each other, squealing and laughing and talking. They were all friendly and very welcoming of all of us. Juan barely let go of Tara's hand the entire time, and Juan's sister dragged me around to show me all the bedrooms. It was loud, chaotic, and crazy. I had never been happier in my life. I started to wonder if maybe one day I'd be able to get a boyfriend like Juan and end up with a great big family like this.

But, like all bright times, that day had to come to an end. We all went home around nine that night, and as soon as Juan was gone Uncle Henry came around. Tara had to walk him home again, and when she came back, she was crying.

"What did he say to you?" I asked over and over, determined to know why this day had to end so badly.

"Nothing, just drop it," was all she would tell me.

I dug deep for my little ember of hope that night, but I couldn't feel its warmth anywhere.