"Haphephobia (also known as aphephobia, haphophobia, hapnophobia, haptephobia, haptophobia, thixophobia) is a rare specific phobia that involves the fear of touching or of being touched."
Mama keeps telling me,
"Little one, do not let men touch you, it is not good!"
I do not know why
Except that it is bad
Bad, bad, bad.
Dirty, sinful, impure.
She says,
"It is your only valuable asset."
I do not know what
She is talking about.
Was it my face? My skin?
Today, I ask curiously,
"Papa touches me when he plays with me sometimes, he even kisses me! Is that bad?"
I do not say it out, but sometimes I do not like it, because I feel painful between my legs when he plays with me.
Mama's face pales, and she cries as she drops on her knees in front of me.
I do not understand why, but I wipe her tears.
I do not like to see Mama crying.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Mama is sorry, monkey. Mama is sorry for not protecting you from the pain your Papa gave me all those years ago. Dear, this is why you do not let men touch you."
What pain? When?
I do not understand yet again.
Too many questions,
I'm only seven!
"Mama, I do not understand."
I confess.
"You will in time, child. You do not need to know why now."
I watch Mama put on a stone cold face, and return to house chores.
And though I do not understand,
I know this;
I cannot be touched.
If it caused Mama so much pain,
Maybe, maybe, maybe
It will soon stop the stinging between my legs.
YOU ARE READING
The Book of Fears
PoetryA book representing different phobias in the form of poetry or prose.
