Pandemonium Thoughts {Niall Horan AU} [REVISING]

Chapter 33

After all I been through with you

I lost

Trust

In people, my family, and myself

I feel so afraid

I can't tell people the truth about anything

I'm hiding in my shell for safety

There are good people you can

Trust

There are people you can't

Trust

People you hang with is who you can

Trust

There are other people not in your group you can't

You share secrets, replied on that person, and won't backstab you is people you can

Trust

Eventually they do it without you knowing

Trust

I feel like deep in my heart I lost my

Trust

I wake up to the sound of rain pelting against the window. I can tell it is going to be another rainy London day. Niall is still holding me from the night before. Our bodies are intertwined. My legs are locked in between his and his arms are around my waist. I don't feel like moving out from under the covers knowing that that I will feel the chill of the house when I leave the bed. I could stay like this forever. Just in the arms of him keeping me safe and warm. Nothing else could get me here or hurt me. In reality though I know that won't ever happen.

I remember that I promised Alec that I would get coffee with him today, but I'm a little weary after Niall told me to stay away from him. I wonder if they have had some kind of fight or disagreement. It sort of scares me that they both don't want me to be around each other. I don't know who it believe. I really want to know what is so bad about Alec. I am also still annoyed by the fact that everyone that I see when I am with Niall judges me. They need to learn that he isn't as bad as he seems. He makes me happy. Well most of the time. What is so bad about that. Looking over at the clock I see that it is around 8 in the morning. I know He won't want to get up, but I will if I'm going to meet Alec. I still need to tell Niall about that.

I roll over so that I am facing him. When he sleeps his lips are always parted. I just find that so irresistible and I just don't even know hwy. Well he is irresistible to me. I kiss his forehead and his eyes slowly open. "Morning babe" I say.

"I have a question why are we up this early?" He says in morning voice. I love that voice.

"Because some of us didn't stay up as others" I smirk. I'm sure he can tell even though his eyes are closed again.

"Can we sleep a bit longer?"

"You can" I laugh and then finally motivate myself to get up and get ready for the day. I undress myslef and sit my clothes in the hamper in our room.

"You know you are such a tease?" Niall's says while still laying in bed.

"You know, I'm really not?" I tell him before shutting the door to the bathroom.

I take a quick shower and then dry off. I quickly step on the scale to see how much i weigh. I look down and see that it read 113 lbs. I use to weigh 105lbs so this sort of shocks me for a moment. I really shouldn't have had that salad yesterday. It did nothing for me expect make me look worse. I can't stand feeling big. I can feel that extra weight. I stop worrying for a little and grab my makeup bag from the cabinet. I grab some of my foundation on apply it to my face. I have gotten really pale lately. I don't know why though. Next I get my eye liner out and line my eyes. I do the cat eye effect because it is one of my favorites. Next I grab my mascara and apply a fair amount to my eyes. I don't really have to put much on since my eye lashes are already dark. When I'm done with that i finally take my towel off my head and shake out my hair. I am really to lazy to style it today so I just let it air dry. It will be super wavy since it's raining. I think I may be more hung over then lazy actually. I feel like my head is going to burst.