Living with a Disability ✔

Chapter 3: Dealing with Grief

The thing is people have often said that I have the mental age of a child and that I can be a little immature..

Perhaps for that reason is why I can get along with kids more than adults?.

I find kids are way more fun and they don't judge you.

The thing is I find it difficult to make friends at the best of times. I get over excited and I've been known to be called "Overbearing." And "Hardwork."

So through my life I've searched for someone anyone who would have my back as I have theirs and always stick up for me.

Because with my vulnerability.. I'm more weaker than everyone else.. Physical wise and I'm not a confrontational type of person unless of course it's a debate!

But when I met Sofia of course everything changed. We used to play as kids but I don't really remember it.

I told her in tears that I didn't think anyone would come to my birthday. As I have experienced people letting me down at last min or wanting to go home after the first day.. When I had invited them over for a weekend.

Anyway she pretty much told me not to be silly and I'll be your friend etc. And I told her about my disability etc and finally I had met someone who understood.

She had a hard time herself.. Her mum had about 10 kids or something and most of them ended up in care including her.

She told me she went through a rough time after her boyfriend died. At the time I was thinking how rough she might be feeling right then because my birthday is on Valentine's and if your boyfriend died.. It must be pretty difficult to get over.

Anyway my life turned upside down in July last year. She took her own life and I was distraught.

I turned to Facebook for my solace and wanted to find out more about her but no one wanted to know..

I was writing nice messages on her Facebook page and tagging her friends etc to share their memories and I'll share mine etc so we could all help each other through it..

Anyway they went behind my back and told Sofia's sister about it to ask me to stop rather than asking me themselves..

This is when it all turned nasty and she was bullying me saying I only knew Sofia for 5 mins and I wasn't allowed to talk to my own friends about her or write on my own wall about her without bothering people and atop tagging etc.

My parents found out before me.. They told me not to go on Facebook and did I listen no!..

Ergh now the hardest thing ever is that I lost a friend in that family and one of her sisters I became friends with.

I found out shortly after she died.. Her boyfriend had died the same way. Both of them hanged each other and apparently they had a suicide pact.

Sofia had mental health and was in and out of hospital and they let her go.. They didn't really help her you know?.. I don't even think she ever had counselling.

But what made it worse for her is that the courts thing her boyfriend changed his mind half way through it so they recorded it as death by Mis adventure. He had texted her saying I'm doing it etc but she was too late he was found in the woods.

I had a text from her the week before she died talking about Tunisia.. We never did get to meet up after my birthday.. Or see her flat.

No one knows whether she died on the 8th or the 9th of July as she went missing late on the 8th and there was some text messages on the late hours of the early hours of the 9th.