Living with a Disability ✔

Chapter 6: life

Here's the thing.. When you have a disability you look at other people and think why can't I do that?..

I see people everywhere everyday having kids at my age and stuff like that and I think.. No way would I be confident enough to do that..

But where sex comes into it.. I feel I dunno a bit reluctant.. Is maybe the word?.

Because then you can't possibly get an sti or get pregnant right?. Besides I don't fully trust tablets and comdoms etc.

That's probably what scares me the most.. I get pregnant and the "dad" leaves?.. That's probably worst case scenario for me.

But I don't even think I'd be able to cope with that. As you know I struggle with pain at the best of times and I don't think I'd cope very well with the birth.. And I hate operations and needles.

But to be quite honest.. In my experience I think guys make a big deal out of it.. In my experience they are like let's have sex.. And that comes out of nowhere.

What ever happened to letting it happen naturally?.

Personally all I want is the relationship aspect first before we even start thinking about that.. Is that so wrong?.

And when it comes to dumping.. What is the right or wrong way to dump some one?.

I've had two exes who used the deaf card.. One dumped me twice on the phone because I couldn't hear him and then he asked my American friend to dump me and then of course he dumped me over Facebook chat.

My second ex dumped me via email on the day of my driving test. He told me about a blood test that he had in his room.. That had turned out to be a DNA test and turned out he had a daughter.

So I guess I had a lucky escape there and then he said he wanted me to meet up with him and his daughter?.. So when I refused he went running back to his ex who he engaged.

Another ex didn't bother dumping me to my face.
Facebook status he wrote was this:
I'm so glad to be single.

My jaw dropped. I'm like oh my god this is the first I heard of it.. It took me a while to figure out he had dumped me.

God knows what he told his mother though because his mother gives me dirty looks as if she's gonna beat me up which caused me on one occasion to run out of the shop.

That's the thing though as time goes by.. You forget their names.. I do anyway because I'm like dory lol from finding nemo. Maybe it's because of my cerebral palsy and my brain damage who knows?.

I've been dumped so many times whether it's by text or email or Facebook..

You'd think because of my kind nature I'd be able to get a boyfriend right?.

Getting a boyfriend is easy but keeping them.. Not so easy..

I think the reason why I'm so reluctant to have sex is because the sex education classes completely scarred me and put me off..

When we was in year 6 they put a video on of a man and a woman who were in a cartoon having sex..

Since then I asked my mum to take me out of sex education classes because I felt uncomfortable.

So they did and they didn't do anything with me so they just left me sitting around being bored until the class had finished.

The thing is I'm sort of mentally younger than everyone else.. I have to scramble to catch up.. I understand some things slower that everyone else but I know now it's not really a race.

So on top of that being bullied by both deaf and hearing people.. I guess helps you have a thicker skin.. Which is why I'm Facebook I'm more grown up now.. I'm tagging people less and just chatting to people.

I had one person say, oh so your a famous writer now so you don't have time to roleplay anymore..

I'm like oh please.. Firstly my circumstances have changed what with my step father leaving and now I've had to step up more to look after my sister.

Secondly that's all I do have time for.. Updating books chapter by chapter and saying a quick hello with someone for half an hour. I'm kinda gutted I don't have time to help people on seven cups of tea anymore.

Which is a one to one chat with a listener and of course I'm a listener.. So maybe I should delete it? What do you think?.

I've not been on to it for a year now so I've probably got thousands of messages.. Your supposed to reply back to them when you can.

But in between my sister and my books I can't really.

I have a kind nature and I guess people can take advantage of that.. Id do anything for anyone.. I always listen to people and give awesome advice apprently..

If it wasn't for you guys and my friend Sofia who sadly took her life last year well I wouldn't be here.

I've always said if my sister was never born maybe by now I would have had the courage to do it.

Because I feel like I have nothing.. But it's like I said I've been through a lot in the past year and I'm determined not to let anything bring me down anymore.

Not anyone or my past.. A year can really change someone.. Whatever you throw at me.. This time I'll be ready.. I'm done crying..

I'm more mature than my family think.. Because I interact with kids rather than adults because kids don't actually think I'm boring.

I don't know what I'd do without you guys.. I wanna thank each and everyone of you for spamming me out of this dark hole.

I'm no longer searching who I am anymore.. I know who I am.. I'm Colette the girl who is the most awesome friend ever..

I'm done with my father and I'm totally done with drama.

In the last year or so I was desperate for friends and desperate to have a boyfriend.. But not anymore.. I'm proud of the friends I have..

I may not have much to be proud of but I'm proud of you guys as my friends and I'm proud of each and every one of my books.

If I can write this story to inspire others and convince one person not to bully other people and of course inspire others to get through depression and stuff and of course to tell their story then I've done my job.

Thanks again for everything you've done and for all your lovely messages of support and for helping me with my books!

I take on board everything you say and I hope by the end of this book you have gotten to know me better as a person and better as your favourite writer.

And most importantly it means a lot to me, Every vote and every comment brightens up my day.

Thanks again for reading if you've enjoyed this book please read my other real life books:
Being deaf
The hazard of being me
And some of my music books.

And it would also mean a lot to me if you check out all my other books.. I hope I've inspired you and I hope you love all my other books.

Love always Colette ❤️😘🌹