Soul Eater: The Next Generation

Chapter 39

Ellie’s POV

I settle in the library, with my book and obnoxiously large Beats.  It’s just first period and I already want to shoot myself out of boredom.

I flip through my playlist, and settle on “Alibi”, by 30 Seconds to Mars.  I turn the volume way up and begin to read my book.

The library is filled with people, but I can’t hear a word.  I only can hear the singer’s raspy voice, echoing throughout my body.

It hits a part in the song where the singer is screaming, “I FELL APART.”

I look up from my book and look around the room.  It feels so surreal.  The lyrics blasting what I’m feeling, so loud it’s almost unbearable, but can anyone in the room hear it? No.  No one can hear or see my pain.  If they see me, or hear the faintest cries of the song, they ignore it.  No one listens. 

Spike put this song on my iTunes without my knowledge.  At first it pissed me off.  Every time it came up on shuffle, I skipped it.  Stupid Spike, putting stupid songs on MY iTunes. I refused to listen to it.  He shouldn’t have gone on my phone. But something in the bottom of my heart didn’t let me delete the song.  Then, one day, after the accident, the song came up.  I let it play, finally.  By the end of the song, I was sobbing.  I listened to it on repeat until I fell asleep that night. After awhile, the song became less about the lyrics and more about being close to Spike. 

I stopped listening when I couldn’t take it anymore.  I wanted to tell him about how much I love the song, how amazing it is, how much I love him.  I couldn’t listen to it without crying.  I was such an obnoxious bitch.  I should have listened to him and just played the amazing song. I should have listened to him in general. 

But, something’s been bothering me lately.  Something’s been tearing at my heart, and I just want to feel close to him in some way. 

The song switches to “Dead in the Water”, by Ellie Goulding and I stop the music.  Every freaking song.  Every song reminds me of my emotions.  Isn’t music supposed to drown that stuff out?

Love songs- Spike.

Break up songs- Spike.

Emotional songs- Spike.

Hard rock- Spike.

Alternative- Spike.

I didn’t realize how versatile his playlist was until I turned it on one day. Again, I cried.  I didn’t know him that well, did I? 

Anytime I think about it.  Not knowing him well… Not being as close to him as I thought… It makes me emotional.

Everything makes me emotional.  I don’t talk with people.  I don’t go to class.  I don’t play games.  I don’t sit on rooftops.  I hardly eat. 

People that have known me for years have become strangers. 

I walk through the hallways, and faces are a blur. 

Everyone was content avoiding me.  Then HE came.  Yes, HE is what is unnerving me.

HE comes up to me and treats me like a normal person.  HE has a perfect, confident smile.  HE jokes around.  HE is adorable in his slouchy, surfer clothing.  HE listens to different music, stuff you won’t hear when you turn on the radio.   HE is a scythe.

HE is exactly like Spike.

And I hate it.

I refuse to be near him.  I refuse to talk to him.  I tried last night.  I really tried, but then he had to go-

No, stop Ellie.  None of this is his fault.  You’re the one who is shutting the world out.  He’s just a new kid, who is really nice. 

But, you can’t get attached to him. You can’t Ellie.  You’re good right now.  You still get jobs assigned to you by Lord Death.  You don’t need a new partner.  You’re fine.

No one can ever replace Spike.  No one.

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