Andy's Plan

Chapter 5

I now truly believe what Andrew Matthews said; that happiness is a decision. We always wait for a perfect time, perfect place and perfect circumstances so that we can finally be happy but we ended up waiting in vain. We delude ourselves into thinking and saying “I’ll be happy when...” and when it doesn’t happen, we lead ourselves to depression but when it happens, we set another expectation to our happiness.

We should make a decision and take into account that life is not perfect and that we only have limited amount of time so we should make the best out of it.

***

I was anxious, hesitant and unsure about our night out this coming evening. My friends were counting on me to take my chances and hook up with some guy later on but my conscience and my goody-two-shoes old self would not waver. I was torn and I had this jitters like having cold feet because of the consequences of what my actions tonight would create. 

I went to a certain place that could give me peace and visited a person that would clear the cloud of doubt in my head after I was out of work. I haven’t talked to her for a while and I was more than sure that I would get an earful from her.

And she did not disappoint.

“I would lecture you about immorality and all but I know you knew what you’re doing for you’re old enough to know what’s right from wrong,” Sister Sarah told me.

She’s a mother superior of a certain orphanage in the city and we met six years ago during one of the events held by a foundation helping women fight against breast cancer. I volunteered in the said organization even though my condition was a benign one because I could empathize with them. Sister Sarah on the other hand had a stage IV breast CA already and was doing her finest to live her remaining life as best as she could. She did not undergo any chemotherapy after she had her double mastectomy and the disease spread already throughout her body. If I was given such news, I would be sulking and depressed right now but not her, she seemed at ease and happy with herself.

“When I was younger Andy, I was a silly curious girl also. I tried something that you would not imagine me doing it but I did out of curiosity and interest,” as she smiled at me obviously reminiscing about her past.

“Really? And what were those things if you don’t mind me asking?” I asked interested as to what were those things she did before she entered the convent.

She chuckled and then gave me a full grin showing the mischievous girl she once had been.

“Just don’t tell someone else especially those kids,” as she paused and I just nodded at her. “I was once a rebellious teenager sort of a black-sheep in the family. My family was an old-fashioned one but I was always curious and fuelled with teenage hormones, I explored the forbidden things. I did some drugs when I was in high school.”

My jaw dropped at her revelations. I mean, seriously? I didn’t even try it.

“If you ask me about pre-marital sex...then yes, I did it,” Sis. Sarah continued while waiting for me to digest what she just said.

I almost choked on my own saliva.

“Don’t look at me like that Andy,” as she chortled at my reactions. “I was just an irresponsible girl then with no care whatsoever in the world. That changed when my father was crippled with some chronic illness. I was devastated and blamed myself for what happened. I loved my father so much and I didn’t know what to do. One day I passed by the community church and went inside it. On that day, I knelt down and asked for forgiveness and help. I cried and cried inside the church and went home with puffy eyes. My family didn’t even questioned why I cried because we were grieving at that time. The medicine technology wasn’t that advanced during our times so in the end we lost our father. I mourned and promised my father that I would change. In the end I entered the convent and found the solace and peace I was looking for,” she finished sombrely.