Dead!

Chapter 55

Chapter 55

While I was there, I took out my phone. I was simply trying to comfort myself, but it wasn't working at all. That sinking feeling in my stomach just wouldn't go away, and I couldn't push away the idea that maybe I had made the wrong decision. Adam was almost certainly mad at me now, and what had I gained from it? There was a very good chance that I would never see Jordan again anyways. I tried to distract myself by looking at my newsfeed on Angel Wings, but nothing interesting was happening to anyone else. The last few posts were Raj complaining about some hockey team losing, Samantha ranting about feminism, and Henri reposting a video of a French Horn player that he thought was good, none of which interested me. I gave up and looked at my texts.

It turned out that I did have a few of those, all of which were from Chloe. I opened them up and started reading.

April 7th, 2017, 11:17 PM: I'm still wondering how Heather was able to see you last night. She said that she was trying to summon a demon or something, and she got you. I told her that maybe I'd try that, but she said that it wasn't a good idea. I'm just so desperate to see you again. I'd do anything.

April 9th, 2017, 5:49 PM: I just got back from seeing my therapist again. Her name is Amelie - isn't that a stupid name? She hasn't been helping much. She just told me that this was a normal part of the grieving process, and it would pass eventually. She doesn't seem to recognize that I'm not grieving anymore. I'm only talking to you because there's nobody left for me to talk to. Amelie's not helping, my mom's not helping, my friends are gone, and you're the only one that's left. The only problem is that you can't listen to me. You're dead.

April 9th, 2017, 6:02 PM: I wish you were still here. You shouldn't have died - you were far too young to die. When I was little, I thought that only old people died. That was until Jack Snyder's mom died in a car crash. She was only in her forties, but now Jack himself is dead too. It's sad really, but they're together now (maybe). I'm still not sure if Heaven or God or any of that stuff is real. Anyways, you had your whole life ahead of you, and now it's gone. It's not fair. This is probably horrible to say, but sometimes I replay that day in my head, and I wish that I had died instead of you.

April 12th, 2017, 2:42 PM: Raj's sister Kyra sat next to me at lunch today. We talked for a bit, and I think we have a lot in common. She introduced me to her group of friends, and they seem really cool. They even asked me if I wanted to sit with them tomorrow. I might just take them up on that offer.

April 13th, 2017, 6:23 AM: Hey Sara, are you giving me a ride today?

April 13th, 2017, 6:25 AM: Sorry, wrong number. You and Sara have such similar numbers. Maybe you should change yours.

April 13th, 2017, 6:26 AM: Oops, I forgot. You can't change your number. You're dead.

April 16th, 2017, 6:13 PM: I had another appointment with Amelie today. This one wasn't so bad, I guess. She gave me some tips for making new friends, since she thought that my friendship with Caroline was "unhealthy." Sadly, I have to agree with her. You were the best part of our old friend group, and now that you're gone, everything is all wrong. Caroline is like some sort of awful dictator, and the rest of us are only following orders. I can still tolerate being around Sara long enough for her to take me to school, but everyone else hates me all of a sudden, just because Caroline hates me. I still don't get what I did to deserve that. Amelie said that maybe they're still hurting too, but I don't believe that. They weren't as close to you as I was. Also, Amelie is still a stupid name.

April 18th, 2017, 3:33 PM: I just got home from school, and I'm heading over to Starbucks to hang out with Kyra and her friends. I'm just glad that I have friends again (kind of). At the very least, they're not teasing me or excluding me. That's an improvement over my old friends.

April 19th, 2017, 8:29 PM: I had cheer practice tonight. I still love cheer, but it's a lot less fun now that Caroline isn't really my friend anymore. The fact that cheer is the one place where I have some authority over Caroline makes it a little bit better though. I wish you were here with me. You always made cheer fun. By the way, I had an awesome time last night with Kyra. You would have enjoyed it too.

April 21st, 2017, 7:03 AM: Now that I think about it, maybe therapy wasn't such a bad idea. I feel a lot better already, and my life is certainly more stable than it was before. I have some real friends, and even though I have to see Caroline and the others for cheer, they don't bother me as much anymore. Anyways, Amelie said that I needed to let go of my obsessions, so this is probably going to be the last text that I send to you. Just know that, wherever you are, Ivy, you'll always be in my heart.

I was glad that Chloe had finally moved on, but at the same time, reading the texts made me feel even more lonely. Chloe had a life now, and it didn't involve me. We were probably never going to see each other again, and that just made me even more sorrowful. As much as I wanted Chloe to move on and live her life, the thought of losing one of my few connections to Earth was too much to bear.

I attempted to dry my tears as I got up from the bench and started to head towards work, which I was late for already. I should have been happy. I really should have, but I was selfish. I wanted a friend, and while Chloe hadn't left me exactly, her texts were comforting in a way. It was undeniable proof that there was someone left on Earth who still cared about me. My life hadn't entirely been a waste.

On the other hand, Chloe did say that I would always be in her heart. That did mean that someone still cared. Someone still cares about you, Ivy, I told myself. Someone still cares. Someone still cares. Someone still cares.