gasoline ;; phan

two

Only an hour into the flight and Phil had already fallen asleep; his head resting against Dan's shoulder and soft snores escaping from his lips. Dan smiled at this - it had been so long since Phil had seemed so content, and Dan was just happy that he was there to experience it. He recalled sleepless nights next to Phil, the raven-haired boy tossing and turning, screaming and shaking. Dan had lost count of how many times Phil had woken in a cold sweat, eyes wide with fear. He cursed PJ for what he'd done. It wasn't fair that Phil - his beautiful, amazing Phil - was the target. His personality was too kind and trusting and, because of this, it allowed PJ to manipulate and destroy him.

  It had been a cold afternoon in November when Phil, smiling and blushing, had come to Dan, who was sitting in their usual spot in Starbucks. When Dan had asked him what had happened, Phil giggled, then out slipped the words: "I met someone." At first, Dan was happy for him - he loved seeing Phil smile - but, at the same time, he felt something in his chest, an ache of sorts. Brushing it off as a strange muscle movement or something, Dan smiled along, finding out every detail of Phil's new crush. The two were like schoolgirls at a sleepover, laughing and blushing as they revealed secrets to one another.

  "So, what's his name?" Dan had asked, his fingers trailing round the rim of his cup. Phil grinned, his face turning a deep red.

  "PJ Liguori."

  Dan felt his teeth pierce his lip, the taste of metal flooding into his mouth. He didn't say PJ, did he? He couldn't have...

  "Oh, nice!" He laughed, attempting to hide his shock. "What- what's he like?"

  Phil sighed dreamily. "Oh, Dan, he has these gorgeous green eyes, and his hair is like- oh his hair is so cute, it's all curly and-" But the words had become lost as Dan couldn't bare to listen anymore. He studied Phil's face as he gushed about his new crush, the boy was absolutely smitten. Dan noticed how his tongue poked out when he laughed; how his icy-blue eyes lit up with excitement as he spoke; how his lips looked so perfect...

  "God, Dan, I just really like him."

  "I know, Phil," Dan had smiled, sadness glazing his eyes. "I know."

  Phil tilted his head in confusion as he caught Dan's dejected gaze, he had opened his mouth to speak; to question whether Dan was okay or not, but thought better of it and let out a small sigh instead. He thought Dan would be happy for him; finally, someone had taken an interest in him. It filled him with confidence and happiness, someone actually liked him - like liked him. Of all people, Phil didn't once think it'd be Dan that would have that reaction. He seemed almost... disappointed. 

  "Hey," Phil broke the silence suddenly. "How about we get Chinese tonight? My treat." He reached out for Dan's hand and, once he felt the cool skin of his friend against the heat of his own, he squeezed it. They'd been friends for so long and Phil didn't want anything to come between them, especially not a boy - no matter how amazing this boy made him feel. He always put Dan first. 

  Dan breathed out slowly, a smile forming on his lips. "I'd like that, Phil." Phil grinned and rose to his feet, knocking the half-finished cup over and spilling coffee all over the table. The two stared at the table for a moment, the lukewarm brown liquid spilling over the edges to the floor and forming a small puddle. Their eyes slowly shifted from the coffee to one another, their eyes locking for what seemed like an age, before both erupted with laughter. It was this that Phil loved: moments of clumsiness, laughing over the silliest things, just being in Dan's presence... 

  Suddenly, Phil was lost for words. The laughter had died down and the two were now silent - desperately trying to clean coffee from the table and floor before anyone noticed. Phil was usually fine with silence - he and Dan would usually sit comfortably together, no words exchanged between them, just savouring each other's company - but this was different somehow. It felt awkward.

  "Shit, I- I just remembered," the younger boy bit his lip as he finished wiping the surface of the small wooden table. "I promised Evan I'd help him with something tonight. I'm so sorry, Phil... Maybe some other time?"

  "Oh, uh- yeah, of course," he forced a smile. "Some other time..."

  "Thanks, Phil, you're the best!" Dan grinned, picking up his bag. "Look, I gotta run, so I'll speak to you after. Hit me up if anything happens between you and Peej, alright?" He winked, giving a small wave as he left. Phil sighed for what seemed liked the hundredth time that day as Dan disappeared out the door, a dull ache in his chest apparent as he watched the chocolate-haired boy rush off. Meanwhile, once Dan was out of Phil's sight, he couldn't help but allow hot, angry tears to slip down his cheeks. His heart ached as he thought of Phil - his Phil - with someone such as PJ, but he couldn't have let Phil know about that; he didn't have the guts to tell him and that, Dan now knew, was his first mistake. He had caused all of Phil's pain by not warning him; by letting him be with the man he knew was a monster; by not stopping it before it had begun.

  And, for that, Dan would never forgive himself.

~

A/N: Hey, I finally updated lol. Idk where I was going with this and I'm a bit eh just now so I apologise if it doesn't really make sense. I haven't proof read so it probably has a ton of mistakes (please point them out if you see any so I can fix them lol). Alright, I hope you guys are having a nice day. Remember, my inbox or kik (jetblackhowell) is always open if you wanna chat about anything or vent or whatever x

Also, I'm lowkey excited about this fic omg. I can't wait for you guys to find out about all the backstories and stuff and to see what's in store for the future!