Looking Through Me | Attack on Titan Fan Fiction

Chapter 5: Broken Bottles

Three Days Later

I kept my legs extended, spinning a full 360 before launching another clawed hook into the castle, pulling me again. With a grin on my face, I spread my arms out and closed my eyes, straightening my legs to become more aerodynamic. My body plummeted, and I felt the air whistle past my body. The ground magnified at an alarming rate, and my eyes snapped open and launched another grapple inches before my face touched the ground.

Flying through the air again, I flipped forward, opening my legs up in a soaring cartwheel. As I went flying up, I reached my peak that was stories above the castle. For a moment, time stopped. I saw the red and pink sunset, with honey highlights between the clouds. My braided hair flew up, and I started to fall again, with the sunset as my last sight.

This time, I flipped forward, pulled my arms back and my leg out, to rotate my body in a sharp semi-circle, until I reached the walls of the castle.

To think that in just three days, with all this practice, I was flying about. The gas supply that we had was nearly depleted thanks to me, but I'd gotten my use out of them. From that first day when I finally balanced after a thousand tries, my enthusiasm and experience with 3D Maneuver Gear had tripled. Now, I felt like a bird, soaring through the air, free.

Mikasa and Armin had to help me put on the 3DMG, but I'd recently been able to do it nearly all myself, minus the fact that Mikasa still had to do the buckles on my back harness. Sometimes, when I thought about it, I realized that I was living the dream. But like so many times before, the thought of foreboding death cast a shadow over my happiness.

Compared to the others, I wasn't half bad. I had races with everyone, and I had determined them to be at different levels. The easiest (but still challenging by far) was Armin, then Mikasa, and Eren, the master of all things speedy. I had beaten Armin by a few spare feet, whereas Mikasa and I had actually tied. Her strength was extraordinary, but she wasn't fast like Eren. I'd tried racing with him yesterday, five laps around the abandoned castle, but he beat me by nearly half a lap.

It disappointed me, but when you took a step back you realized that I had as much 3DMG experience as someone practicing for 3 years to get where they were at. That fact alone was pretty damn amazing, I thought. Not to pat myself on the back, but I thought that the pace I was learning was exceptional. We had another twenty-five days left! From what Armin and Mikasa had told me, that was the easy part, though. I had to actually learn about Titans. As in, school learning.

But until that day, I was going to continue flying like a bird. I wasn't given any blades yet, at least not until I learned how to use them. Therefore, my gear was nearly five times lighter without all the spare blade and metal containers. I was happy that I didn't have the blades yet, because I had no experience with... Now that I thought about it, they looked like giant boxcutters. Why did they look like boxcutters?

Anyways, as I flipped into the air again, my feet above my head in a backflip, I saw another claw grasp the wall next to mine and another blur come around the corner, rocketing into the sky. I watched, and latched onto the wall of the castle as though I was rock climbing with only my boots holding me back from colliding with it. I shielded my eyes from the sun when their silhouette went right into the bright light, and I saw the outline of their body slowly flip before they reached their peak and came flying back down.

The grapples let go, and grabbed the rock closer to mine. The blur flew closer, but came in too fast, as I realized a second before what happened. They crashed into the wall, and I flinched as their body practically pancaked. It was a miracle that their chest didn't cave and their ribs didn't crack.

The blonde head peeled back, pushing away from the wall. I sighed. "Armin, you of all people should know not to go flying into brick walls."

He let out a small laugh. "We all make mistakes." Armin stood, balancing on the wall next to me, our 3DMG the only thing keeping us from falling to our deaths. "So, what's up? You seem to be doing pretty good," he said.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's been really good. I'm finally getting the hang of this, but I might recommend to you guys to let me move on before I use all the gas."

Armin smiled. "Yeah, I'll tell Eren and Mikasa that."

He looked down, and for a moment, I saw a look of sadness flash through his ice-blue eyes. I leaned over, and looked at him. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, and he looked at me in surprise.

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

I narrowed my caramel eyes. I knew from years of abuse when someone needed help. I recognized the look of wanting to tell someone something you couldn't, waiting for someone to care enough. I never had the chance, and I'd always longed that someone would pause their day to ask me, "What's wrong?" The chance never came, and I wasn't about to allow Armin to brush it off.

"I saw that look." I crossed my arms, and moved closer, saying in a softer tone, "Tell me... Tell me what's wrong."

Armin looked down, clearly knowing what I know meant. "Do you really want to know?" he said solemnly.

I nodded. "It'll make you feel better."

He looked up at the sky, turning around, and I followed his gaze.

"Whenever I'm out on the field, I just... I remember my parents. They always said they wanted to see the outside world, and never did."

I leaned closer. "What happened?"

Armin looked at me, his blue eyes cold. "They died on duty when I was little. Then, I was handed off to my grandpa."

I knew where this was going. I remembered what happened.

He averted his gaze downward, at the ground that was seemingly hundreds of feet below our boots. "After Wall Maria was breached, my grandpa had to join the military. He was forced to. Their squad was sent out to 'retake Wall Maria' when in actuality it was to reduce the population because Wall Rose couldn't feed us all. He left, and...I never saw him again," he whispered.

I patted his back. Most people, after a story like this, would say "I can relate," when they had no idea. They didn't know what hardships were. Of course, Eren and Mikasa could relate.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I can relate."

Armin looked at me. "How so?"

I turned to my side, and pulled down my pants slightly to reveal my hip, and pulled my shirt up. Between the two was a puckered scar, ugly and never completely healed. Armin gasped, and I smiled emptily. "Ugly, isn't it?"

He shook his head. "No! It's not that, i-it's just that—"

I held up my hand. "It's okay."

Armin stared at it, and eventually looked back up into my eyes. "How did it happen?"

My empty smile faded. "When I was 7. My dad... My dad beat me. He always has, but that time was one of the worst."

Armin gasped again. "Jennika, I'm really... I had no idea that..."

The corners of my mouth turned upwards. "It's okay, really. Do you want me to continue?"

He shrugged. "Well, only if you're okay with it."

I waved it off. "Yeah, it's fine. Anyways, my dad came into my room, drunk off his rocker. He started his wasted babbling about how it was my fault that my mom left. I was scared for him, but when I went up to him, he screamed at me.

"'Get away, bitch!' he yelled. I took a step back, and when I tried to comfort him, being the innocent little 7-year-old that I was, he bashed the bottle on the wall. Half of it was shattered, and I remember the feeling of broken glass raining down on me. I backed into the corner, and I don't think I could've made a worse decision.

"First, he hit me with the blunt end. Got some nice nasty bruises along my shoulders and back, but it was the next part that scared me. He took the bottle and threw it at me. I remember it breaking as it hit my arms, but one shard was stuck in my hip.

"He walked out, and I nearly bled into a coma that night. I tried pulling it out, and after nearly half an hour, I finally just grabbed it and ripped it out. I think I did lose consciousness, and it sealed overnight when I didn't clean it. That's why it looks so puckered and raw."

Armin looked at it again, before I rolled down my shirt and tucked it back into my pants. "I know how you feel, to be hurt by ones you love. Whether they leave and never come back, or take their pain out on you. It's all the same," I said.

Armin gazed at me, and I patted his shoulder. "I have a new respect for you, Arlert." I smiled.

He put his hand on mine, and offered a lop-sided smile. "You too, Jen."

After smiling like idiots for a minute, I finally let my hand fall. "Feels good to get it off your chest, right?"

He nodded. "Sure does. I don't think I've ever told anyone before; especially not in detail... Anyways, do you want to keep practicing?"

I nodded my head, my braid bouncing in the wind. "For another hour or so, yeah. Then I'll come inside, okay?"

He smiled. "Whatever you'd like. I'm going to get the rations ready for us. For supper."

"'Kay. See you then!" With that, I sprung back into the air, flying around the corners of the castle like a NASCAR racer.

The stones were nothing but blurred streaks rushing past me as I gained more speed. My motivation to get better was to beat Eren, or at least tie with him. I could, and I would!

"Woohoo!" I cried as I flipped around again, laughing and spinning, completely carefree.

My body angled for the next turn, and when I dashed around it, my eyes widened. I changed my course, and crashed into the building.

In front of me was an enormous toothy grin, with beady, mocking eyes and greasy patches of hair. And it was staring at its next meal, frozen on the spot with no means to defend herself: me.