Looking Through Me | Attack on Titan Fan Fiction

Chapter 18: Dreaming Reality

I concentrated, and it felt like as soon as I closed my eyes, another pair opened that wasn't exactly my own. Blinking rapidly, my line of sight cleared as I saw the lush bushes of the forest and thick trunks of Stellacinque's trees. Was I really back?! Yes, I was. The scent of pine and ash filled my nose, and I took a deep, but refreshing, breath. Rubbing my eyes, I finally saw what stood point blank in front of me.

Light reflected off of the smooth silver blade that was less than a centimeter from the exposed skin of my neck. I could feel the cold radiating from its metal. Following the blade, my eyes were drawn from the hand holding it to a person I hoped I'd never have to meet in person, even if it mean my life—and it did.

Levi. Corporal Levi.

He glared at me, and it made me wish that looks could kill. I would've been out of my misery. Just behind his dark and short head of hair was another, lighter one. A blonde one, and pale blue eyes that looked right to my core. Annie Leonhardt stood right next to his side, a few feet behind him. What the hell was Annie doing here?! She was wanted nearly everywhere!

But further behind, and below even her and him, was an entire squad. The Scouting Legion. At least two hundred men and women, waiting for the command from Levi.

"I've been waiting awhile," he said, not showing any emotion. "You've held us up long enough. Now get over here and make this quick."

He held his blade steady, and I took a step back, towards the Lima unit. "W-What? Where is everyone? What have you—mmph!"

Someone clamped their hand over my mouth, and I felt Levi's hand lower the blade and put it back in the holster with his stainless spares. They grabbed my wrists, and began to shove me forward like I was a doll. Levi led the way, and Annie smirked from over his shoulder.

"It's a shame that this squad abandoned us," Levi said, brushing off dirt from his 3DMG. "They were good kids. Then you came along..." His gaze narrowed, and he tsked. "Over there." He motioned to the Alpha tree, to my shabby little tent.

As I was pushed past the other branches, I gasped and I felt my pulse crash. Inside every tent was a person, namely one that was a member of the Setllacinque district. I saw Sasha bent over in one, her wrists bound to a pole that was used to support the middle of the tent as well. Jean was in another, keeled over and breathing heavily. It was evident that these guys had put up a fight for this place. The one that scared me the most was Mikasa. She leaned against the pole, breathing lightly with bruises covering her face. She was still calm in the worst of it. They hadn't gone down easy, and definitely not without every last ounce of energy they had.

But one tent was missing: mine. It was falling off the Alpha tree and ripped along one side, like a tree branch had knocked it off. The only thing that left it hanging was one peg. One tent on the Alpha tree was intact, however, and inside was the most heartbreaking sight I could imagine.

Eren slouched over, breathing heavily, his wrists being strapped behind his back by ropes similar to everyone else's. I saw sweat pouring down his face, and blood splatters below his head that was shielded by his brown locks. It made me want to cry. Of course, it was self-explanatory. Levi was obviously pissed at Eren and the entire squad, but especially Eren because he was "humanity's weapon against Them." While I agree that Levi had some heart in him somewhere deep, deep, deep, down, he was the type of guy that put duty and business first each and every time.

The man behind me, whom I didn't know the name of but had a firm grip, pushed me into Eren's tent, and I slammed to the ground at Eren's feet. I saw his head snap up, and his body strained against the rope and shook the pole.

"Jen!" he yelled, and glared daggers at the man who shoved me in.

He knelt down, grabbing my wrists before I could even comprehend it, and dragged me across the thin fabric floor to the back of Eren, who was still struggling. I saw the ropes making deep cuts and welts on his hands where he was thrusting and pulling them apart. My back was slammed against the pole like Eren's, and my hands were put next to his. I felt the same rough hands grab for my wrists and wrap rope around them tight enough to cut off the circulation. He kicked me for good measure, and I hit Eren's back and the pole with my spine. Eren was still pulling with all his might, but the man walked away briskly with one last last phrase. "Be ready for the questioning."

The flap of the tent closed, and all that we could hear was our ragged breathing; namely Eren's.

"Jen? Are you okay?" he asked softly, and I feebly nodded.

"I-I guess. What happened? They found us? How? Actually, are we going to get hurt? What's Levi—"

"Jen," Eren interrupted, "I don't know."

I bent forward, letting my nose gently scrape the ground as I tried to swallow back sobs. Our home...our place to escape... It was gone. We knew they would come after us, because we left obvious evidence, but so quickly? And how did they even see through the camo tarps? We'd never know...

"Never mind that," Eren murmured, "where were you? You left! For a whole week... We thought you were dead at first."

What would I do? Would I tell them?

Before I could explain and say that I was sorry and that I'd never leave, the flap of the tent opened and in walked two boots. I had to turn my head and look over Eren's shoulder to see who it was, because my back was still against to his. I wish I didn't look. Annie walked in, a prideful smirk on her face.

"You!" I growled, and tried turning around.

Her grin widened, and she walked past Eren to me. "Well, well, well... If it isn't the Invisible Titan."

"What are you doing here?! You were practically incarcerated the last time anyone heard of you!" Eren yelled, and tried to yank himself out of his bindings.

"Eren, stop," I whispered. "She's trying to get to you—to us. Don't let her ebb us on."

Annie clapped. "What a wonderful solution."

I sat there stoically, Eren mimicking my actions. No matter what she'd say, we wouldn't budge, even if it struck a cord deep, down within us. There was obviously the option of turning into a Titan, for Eren and I, but that was too risky. All of their men could take us down, and we'd be opposing them. Right now, all we wanted was to abide by the rules and show that we didn't want to fight. That took turning into a Titan off the table... But what other options were still there?

"Now you're ruining my fun." She pouted, and crossed her arms. She truly was insane. A void of sanity, in fact.

Like a predator mocking their prey, Annie circled around us, until she came to Eren's side. "Now here's an idea..."

We both looked at her, me having to peer over his shoulder again.

"Sorry, but you'll have to be out for this one." She giggled, and my heart dropped. She couldn't have meant...

Annie swung her leg forward, and the toe of her boot caught him right in the ribs. He let out a strangled cry, and I knew he'd been winded.

"Eren!" I cried, trying to turn around as she continued her brutal assault.

She kicked him in the side next, and then stomped on his leg. It cracked, and he screamed. It was broken. For her own entertainment, Annie snapped her right leg from the left side, hitting him in the neck with her heel with a crunch. Tears built up in my eyes and I desperately tried to hold them back, but it was hard when I heard Eren's grunts, groans, and cracking bones.

Annie laughed maniacally, and I finally started crying. "Eren..." I sobbed, and bit my lip. "Stop hurting Eren!" I screamed, and thrashed as much a possible.

The ropes made cuts in my wrists, but I continued wriggling and attempting to rip my hands from behind the pole. I still heard Eren's cries as she beat him, and he leaned over against my shoulder.

"Stay strong, Jennika. Don't tell them anyth—" He was cut off as Annie pulled the finishing move.

She brought her knee up, and then let her leg snap upward. The boot caught Eren's chin, and I heard a deadly snap as his head flew back. I screamed, and finally, Eren fell limp onto the floor.

"He's a strong one, isn't he?" Annie joked, and I knew she was trying to reel me in.

Stay strong, stay strong, I thought to myself. Eren wanted... No, Eren wants me to.

"Just you and me now," she said with poison. "I wanted to talk with you...without any distractions."

I didn't reply. I continued to stay silent, tears quietly rolling down my cheeks. Honestly, I was scared. I was frightened. I didn't want to be there anymore, and...truthfully, I didn't even know if Eren was still alive. She had nearly broke his neck with the final kick, if she hadn't already.

"Not going to talk? Fine, then just listen." She tapped her chin, and presumed stalking me in predatory circles. "First of all... Let's get to know each other." Annie leaned against the tent's wall in front of me.

"You're insane," I murmured menacingly, and kept my sight trained on her. "You're batshit crazy."

She laughed and waved her hand. "Okay, so far we know that you have anger issues! At least we've gotten that far. The others didn't say even that much."

At the mention of the other people, I dug my fingernails into my palm hard enough to draw blood. Did she do what she did to Eren to everyone else? That explains their injuries.

"Here, I'll let you in on a little secret," she whispered, and got down onto one knee. She held her face just to the left of mine, and whispered in my ear. "I killed Darius Zackley."

It was like everything was snapped into perspective. Every flashback, every memory, it all flooded back and made sense. She was The Shadowed. The one that tried to kill me after claiming her first victim in the same room. The Shadowed stood in front of me.

"Levi doesn't know. I didn't tell him," she murmured.

Annie stood straight, one hand on her hip, and let herself have a triumphant smirk. "I knew you weren't...from here, per se. You're not normal. I'm here to set things right," she said, all remnants of her carefree attitude disappearing. Now she was dead serious.

"I mean, you didn't know anything of Titans! How? We've lived in fear of them for more than a century, and you claimed that you'd never even seen one. And you call me batshit crazy," she continued.

"How did you kill him?" I asked quietly. It was evident that him was the judge.

"Oh, you're still concerned over that trifling matter?" Annie placed her hands on her hips again, before sighing and leaning down. "With this."

I looked up, and saw something that she held between her thumb and index finger. It appeared to be a shard of glass, but I knew better. It was actually a broken piece of the hardened skin that Annie could grow over her body. Hard as titanium, sharper than any blade. It was two inches long, and had the blue glaze over it. Some blood splattered it, and I recognized it to be Zackley's; of which she didn't bother to wash off.

"I'll make sure you don't tell anyone my secrets. Especially Levi."

I swallowed thickly. "You... You framed me."

"And how long did it take you to figure that out?" she questioned sarcastically. "Of course I did! And it was easy, too!"

My eyes became blurry with tears again. "This whole mess... It's your fault!"

"Now now, calm down," Annie hushed me. "I don't want you here. You're an issue. It's like this isn't even your own world."

Oh, if only she knew how true that was.

"How... How did you make this happen?" I asked, my voice breaking at the end.

She grinned. "Well it wasn't easy, and I can say that confidently."

I stared at her, waiting for my answer that I desperately needed. Annie frowned, her blue eyes getting darker.

"Fine, fine. I busted out of that crystal, and if you don't know the backstory of that, then too bad for you. Let's just say that I have a few black marks on my record." She laughed slightly as the tension grew. "I heard that after you arrived, as the strange girl that knew nothing of Titans, that all of the 104th Trainee Squad bailed. Ditched everyone.

"When that happened, I slowly started to gain freedom. It was simple to tell the jury that I lost my mind and had amnesia. That I supposedly forgot what I did when I was a Titan and couldn't control myself. When you tell a lie, all you have to do is believe it. They believed it, and I behaved and minded my manners. I was a good girl.

"On the day that you were in court, I had loosened provisions. Because I wasn't acting out, security around me was loosened; just enough for me to sneak out in all black and hide behind Zackley's desk. Sounds like a piece of cake, right? It was! The sentencing began, and I stayed quiet until the last moment.

"I killed Darius Zackley right away. When people were panicking, it was the perfect chance for me to try and kill you. After all, if you were panicking, would you pay attention to the guilty convict, or your own safety? People choose themselves every time. Then I snuck back to my dorm where I was held, and no one knew the difference.

"Levi was pissed, obviously. His squad—his weapon for humanity—turned their backs on everyone so they could rot. And all because of some teeny, tiny, meaningless girl. Because I was the last member that never left, it was my perfect chance!

"I walked up to him, asked if I could help. He agreed, and asked if I knew anything of the trial. I lied, because I was apparently in my dorm at that time. This is where I told the biggest fib yet. All I said is that there were accounts of people that said you tried killing people. I obviously know that you didn't want to kill anyone, but I said you were overdosed on bloodlust. You wanted to see them burn.

"So Levi gathered a squad and took me as his second-in-command, the last of the 104th Trainee Squad. We rode out here, and easily pinpointed where you'd be; in the forest. It was like a game of hide-and-seek, trying to find you tricky kids. Turns out that I did find you first, and before Levi knew, I dumped gas in the nearest fresh water reserve. All those dead fish? That was my doing. A little gas in there and pop! Everyone that drinks it dies.

"When Levi figured out that I knew where you were, he made a strategy. That guy is a walking, uptight, organization-obsessed, clean freak. Of course he needed a strategy, but I didn't. So, just this morning we charged in here. There, all done!"

Annie began laughing harder than before, holding her sides and shaking her head. Blush spread across her cheeks, and she looked at my pitiful face. She was The Shadowed...she framed me...she killed Darius Zackley...she said that I tried killing people...she poured gas in the water...she wanted us all dead.

It's like something in me just...burst. I screamed bloody murder, throwing my head back, and thrashing against the restraints. I kicked out my legs, and she frowned, but I continued my tantrum. Managing to get to my feet, she took a step back, and I tried running at her. The ropes let out a small sound of being ripped, and I screamed and tried hitting her.

What stopped me was a small groan. It came small at first, but grew, and I realized it to be behind me.

"Oh, he's awake. Well, that's all the time we have! I'll be back later," she chirped, and waved as she jumped around me and right out of the tent.

All my adrenaline just drained, and I fell against the pole, sliding to the floor with a choked sob. My tears came again, and I heard Eren groan again in agony.

"Jen..." he murmured.

I turned my head, but looked back at the floor. "I'm here," I whispered.

"Jennika..." he said again, and I felt his hands move against mine.

I gently grabbed his hand and squeezed to let him know that I was here.

His green eyes opened, and he licked his lips. They bled a little, and I sat up and turned my head. "I'm right here," I whispered again, right in his ear.

Eren groaned, and I gently kissed his cheek. "It's okay now. She's gone now."

He visibly straightened, and woke up completely. "Did she hurt you?"

I shook my head. "No."

We stayed silent for a few minutes, until I thought I was going to burst. You could dimly hear the shouts of the squad below us, all two hundred people. There were some crashing sounds and screams, and I hoped they weren't from our people.

"I know what to do," Eren muttered, and I looked at him in disbelief.

"What? Really?"

He nodded. "Just as Ymir said. This is an emergency."

My mind was taken back to the first night here, when we were talking about emergencies and what to do.



"You know what I think?" Ymir burst out, almost falling over Krista as she tried to sit straight. "If anything happens... Eren and Jen should just turn into Titans! Problem solved!" She cackled like the drunk that she currently was.

"That's actually not half bad," Eren said. "When we do that, everyone can rush to Kilo, Sierra, and Lima to get supplies so we can either fight or surrender."

I nodded. "Pretty decent. Nice one, Ymir!"

"Haha!" She laughed triumphantly, and Krista sat up when she pushed her wasted friend off her.



"Right!" I exclaimed. "But... Is that really the smartest decision?"

He leaned over, and I felt his warm breath in my ear. "We have no other choice. They haven't heard our side of the story yet."

"Okay." I gulped, and positioned my nail at Eren's palm. He moved his thumb to my palm, and we counted down together.

"Three." We looked at each other.

"Two." We pressed our nails into our palms, and gave each other knowing glances.

"One."