Accidental ▷ Jerrie

05

Perrie

I unlock the door to my apartment and walked straight in leaving Jade and Luke behind me. I wasn't in the most joyful mood and I hoped they didn't expect me to. Especially Jade. I loved her a lot but sometimes she can really get on my nerves on topics relating to the wedding, my mother and how we have to keep hiding.

As much as I repetitively say that I want to tell my mother it's just such a big thing to do. I could lose Jade in a snap of a finger. I breathed in heavily and headed up the stairs to my room until I felt her fingers brush up against mine.

It felt good but my mood was in such a bitter state. I pulled my hand away and even if it slowly killed me to be doing this I had to teach her a lesson. My feet hurried up the stairs and led me to my room. I dropped my bag in the corner and grabbed a new shirt, underwear and some shorts.

When I gathered my clothing I turned the handle to see Jade by the frame. Looking at her I could feel the affliction behind her brown eyes. Ignoring her once more I nudged past her and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me before she could block the door with her feet. 

I set my things on the railing and turned on the warm water, undressing myself as I listened to Jade's soft cries outside the door.  My heart ached more each second as I stepped inside and curled into a ball on the cold floor. 

I tilted my head back, letting the drops of water mix with my tears as I thought of torment my mother would give her if I came out. Jade may be strong and fierce but coming out is a whole new level. Just imagining the agony, torture, heartache and heartbreak made me feel so isolated, a fuck up, a mistake. 

"Perrie," Jade cried softly "I'm so sorry," she trembled "please say something."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall as I shook my head. I wanted all this to be over. I wanted a simple life that would give me acceptance, freedom and the right to marry who I really wanted to. 

Luke was a charming boy. He really was. But he can only go as far as a best friend. He was like a sibling to me. Marrying Luke means I lose Jade and Luke would lose Selena. People say that if you love someone then you let them go. But do you really? If I let her go I'll also be the reason that Luke loses the only he truly loves. 

Me being the reason for that is unacceptable. It doesn't need to happen and I pray to God it won't.