The Inadequate Experiments: 1. White Noise [Rough Draft]

Part 3; Immunity - 18. Missing Person's Unit

I could feel Oliver’s arms around my waist, pulling me close to him, even in his unconsciousness. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck, raising goose bumps on my skin. I could feel his steady heartbeat against my spine; it felt like that was the only steady thing in my life in that moment.

I hadn’t heard from the twins or Thomas since Mum died. The Scientists around the Compound all offered their condolences, but promised me that her tissue sample was working well with their new technology, and that they may be able to bring her back one day. It didn’t make me feel better. I couldn’t even pretend to feel better. I had lost my mother; I had no father to cry on, and I knew the twins would never forgive me if they found out I was interrogating her before she died. I felt like I had no one; as if someone had reached their hand all the way into my chest and had torn my heart out, leaving a big, empty, gaping hole of nothing but darkness that would take over me when the sun went down.

Unlike Oliver, I couldn’t sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, she was there. The look on her face was the one she wore when I was trying to get answers I could have easily gotten off the Scientists’ servers with some help from Mark-67, but felt the need to dig out of her.

So, I lay with my eyes open, counting the seconds until the sun rose again. It had been three days; I hadn’t slept for four whole nights, and the Scientists were getting edgy.

We had been ordered to sleep.

We weren’t in the bedroom we had been sleeping in before our day’s leave from the Compound. We were in the “Training Room”. Or, one of many. We lay on an extravagant four-poster bed with silk sheets, cameras trained on us from every angle.

For three days I had been forced to sit with Scientists and tell them how I felt about Oliver. I had to convince them I loved him. They would ask me questions about a boy called Cooper who I didn’t know, and would push me to answer them until I broke down in bouts of frustrated tears as sharp pains forced their way across my forehead until I slipped into unconsciousness. I wasn’t sure if they wanted me to remember this boy, or if they were making sure I didn’t. I would tell them every session that I didn’t know who he was, or what he looked like, and that I had never met a boy called Cooper in my life. They would then ask if I thought that Oliver was my Soul Mate. I simply told them I didn’t think anything because I knew he was. The first time, I had thought that would be enough; that it would stop them questioning me about the strange boy. It just made them push harder.

For three days I had been forced to explain what love felt like, and how it felt when Oliver kissed me, when all I really felt was empty. I would tell them exactly that. That I didn’t know how I felt. That I couldn’t feel anything. That I was numb. So, they decided to give me tablets to take, like Oliver’s.

I have tablets. I remembered him telling me, when he finally admitted he had depression. The ‘cure’ they had before the Watch. They’re called anti-depressants.

But I wasn’t depressed. I was empty.

The tablets would take the pain away, but they didn’t help me feel anything like the Scientists wanted me to feel. Sure, I could feel the tiny electric sparks across my skin whenever Oliver touched me, but other than that, there was nothing. The Scientists at least wanted something, but I couldn’t give them that.

They threatened me.

I didn’t react.

So, instead, they threatened Oliver.

To their surprise, I reacted to that. But they revelled in their surprise. I was showing signs, they told me. I was getting better. I would tell them I didn’t feel better, but they would just congratulate me because I was feeling something.