Our Last Note - A Jeremy McKinnon Fanfiction

Part 19

Ember's P.O.V

Jeremy had managed to get me away from Kevin. Apparently, I had passed out and he had asked if I was ready to be taken home, which I was.

I'd woken up two hours earlier, in a hysterical state. I just decided to go to sleep.

Once in bed, Jeremy curled around me and put his arm over my body tightly, taking my hand and putting his fingers through the gaps in mine. I felt his warm breath on my neck.

"Kevin..." I whimpered continually, staring at the picture of him and his band at my bedside.

Jeremy decided to give me the gift Kevin had given him that he was saving until my birthday. It was a painting, much like Kellin's, but this had so many people in: Me, the band, Andrew, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce the Veil, All Time Low, Rosie, My Chemical Romance...all of us together, painted beautifully with bright watercolours.

This had made me bawl. It was next to my bed now, beside the picture. His pale yet beautiful eyes were brought to life in his painting. It was almost as if he were inside of the painting.

I cried myself to sleep, and dreamt of a time when I was 17 and I was being stupid and walking along a train track. At that point, I was suicidal, due to it being only two months since my mother's death. Kellin was 20 and Ray was 22.

I thought I heard a train coming. I'd stopped and looked up to see that, sure enough, the vehicle was coming hurtling toward me at blinding speed.

I was about to step onto to the track just as it passed, when someone had dragged me backwards a split second before it could take my life.

It was Kevin.

"Ember, please, don't do this. Don't take yourself away along with her." he'd said as we stood up, brushing the dirt off us.

"But I can't do this anymore, Kevin! It feels like there's nothing to love in this world without her..."

"What about me? The band? Kellin?"

Kevin looked desperate. I looked at him. I suddenly realised I was in my past self's body, but without any control over my speech or movement. I was reliving it.

"I-I..."

"You're saying you don't love us?"

"No! You guys are the only thing in this world that I love like I loved her. But you're not her..."

"I know. And I never will be. But imagine if you'd just died then? What about us? How could you purposely leave us on our own?"

I realised how heartbroken he was. Not just over my mother, who he was very fond of, but also over the fact I was going to kill myself and leave him and everyone else behind.

"I...I know. I'm wrong. I promise, I won't try to do this ever again. For you and all of those I love...I love you, Kevin."

Kevin kissed my forehead. "I love you too."

"You've saved my life. And one day, I will repay my debt. I will save yours."

My friend nodded, and when I blinked, he was gone. Instead, he was replaced with a faint outline of the older Kevin.

"As one dies, you bring him back with the life in you."

And then the dream faded and I woke up breathlessly.

I had no idea what his random last words meant but I realised what the memory dream had been trying to tell me.

Kevin had saved my life. And I'd promise I'd do the same for him. But I hadn't.

And now he was dead.

-----

Three months had passed since that day, and I was still in terrible depression.

I was comfort eating a lot, and I grew hungrier every day. I didn't remember being this fat last time I was depressed, but that was probably just a side effect. I kept telling myself to stop, as I was starting to get plump, but I always found myself back at the fridge a few minutes later.

Kevin's funeral was taking place the next day. I had been too caught up in depression to arrange it, but Jeremy convinced me to go.

Kellin was in prison for his crimes. His trial was next month, and I was to testify. I went to visit him every day, but he wouldn't say a word to me, even when I said I wasn't angry. Because for some strange reason, I wasn't.

I kept having regular checks at the hospital, as Jeremy had insisted. He seemed rather edgy. And he still hadn't told me why he was taking me there. But one day, he sat me down and decided to tell me.

"There's...something I didn't tell you. Something important." Jeremy began, biting his lip.

"Are you going to tell me why I keep going to the hospital now?" I inquired, my voice shaky as always.

Jeremy sighed. "Yes." His gaze fell to his lap. "There's a reason why I've been taking you for scans. I asked the doctors to keep it from you until I felt you were ready to know."

"Why? Is there something wrong with me?"

He looked down at my stomach. My heart leaped up into my throat. It was slightly rounder from all the crap I'd been comfort eating.

"It turns out...we didn't save just you and Zack. We saved someone else, too."

He put his hand on my belly and rubbed it gently. I couldn't breathe. Was he implying that I was...

"Remember our first time? Neither of us could remember if we used protection." Jeremy met my gaze seriously. "We... didn't."

"So, you mean..."

Jeremy nodded. "You're pregnant."