Stood Up [Camren]

Six

Camila lay on her bed, her phone in her hands. She had just sent Lauren a text about their lunch the day before, which made her heart beat a little faster than she'd like. After she and Dinah had left the diner, her friend did not stop poking fun at how Camila acted around Lauren. The phrase "whipped as fuck" came up a few times. She'd laughed in the moment, but in reality it shook her up quite a bit.

In only a week or two of knowing Lauren, Camila felt stronger for her than she remembered feeling ever before. Not for any of her friends, not even Austin. And that scared her. She remembered what her friends would say when they spoke about their boyfriends or crushes. The butterflies they got in their stomachs, the way they blushed, the way they got nervous whenever that person was mentioned. Those all happened to Camila, and her person was Lauren.

Connecting Lauren to the word "crush" or "boyfriend" made Camila's stomach drop. That idea was beyond foreign to her, and besides, she already had a boyfriend. Austin. He was her boyfriend. They went on dates and kissed and held hands and did everything they were supposed to. And she never questioned it, at least until now. She went through the motions with Austin and it was all fine. He was cute enough and kissing him wasn't unbearable if he chewed gum beforehand. But there were no butterflies or blushes with Austin. There should be at least some, but there weren't any.

As Camila lay still on her bed, a tear rolled down her cheek. Lauren made her feel so much when she shouldn't, and Austin made her feel nothing when she should. The dilemma put a pit in her stomach and heart and she was having trouble coping. What did all of this even mean? Was she... gay? Her breath hitched in her throat and more tears fell. She can't remember ever knowing a girl who was gay. And her parents? What the fuck would they think if she was gay?

Camila had to do something about this. She wasn't sure what yet, but she couldn't keep these thoughts running through her head forever. One day's worth of them was more than enough. She swallowed and picked up her phone in her hands.

---

Lauren sat on the bed in her dorm, her mind racing. She had an incredible time with Camila the day before, but she was having a hard time coming to terms with it. When she remembered their lunch together, she felt something. Something she hadn't felt in a long time. Not since Lucy. And that wasn't good.

Lauren's memory was flooded with old memories. The butterflies she felt when she first met Lucy, the way Lucy's smiles made her feel, how fast her heart beat when they were close. And how it beat even faster when they kissed for the first time. She thought it would beat out of her chest. But it made her feel better than anything ever had. Lucy's soft lips on her own was something she had waited for for so long, and finally gotten. And she could've cried from the happiness she felt then.

Lucy was surprised after, a scared sort of surprised. Lauren had asked her if what they did was okay, and Lucy said it was. And that sentence put Lauren over the edge again. Every emotion possible was going through her head and she wasn't sure if she wanted it to stop.

They kissed many times after that. And almost went even further. But Lauren was satisfied with no matter what they did, because she was with Lucy. And they did things for a while, months even. But then it all went bad.

Lauren remembers the day over winter break of their senior year when Lucy couldn't come over. And all the days after that. Lauren didn't know why and it tore her up. They were doing so well and then... nothing. A few weeks went by until Lauren pushed herself to ask why. Lucy said that it was "fun for a while," but it "wasn't meant to go anywhere;" it was "just a little experiment."

Lauren cried herself to sleep every night for a month after that. And every feeling she had sat festering inside her, unable to be shared with anyone; because the only person she would bare her soul to was Lucy.

Her mind and heart broke into a million pieces then, and they were only just starting to come back together. She was finally beginning to heal after years and years of sorrow and strife. And Camila happened in tandem.

Camila made her happy, she'd only known her for a short time but she was happy with her. The spontaneous dinner they'd had was the most fun and happy evening Lauren had had in months, years even. And it scared her.

Lauren was worried. Worried that Camila would be scared off by Lauren's feelings. Worried that Camila didn't like girls. Worried that Camila did like girls, just not Lauren. Lauren imagined everything that could go wrong. But she also imagined everything that could go right. Camila could feel the same way. They could kiss. They could fall in love. They could be happy. Together. And that was enough for Lauren.

She took her phone out of her pocket and typed a message.

Hey, do you think we could hang out again tomorrow?

Lauren's heart beat fast and her stomach churned as she sent it. But all she had to do was imagine the wonderful possibilities and her fears disappeared.

---

Camila hit send on the text she had written, and the blue bubble filled her phone screen.

Hey, I've been thinking a lot recently and I really think we need to talk. Can we meet up later today or something?

Her heart beat unsteadily in her chest and she anxiously waited for a response.

Austin: Of course, babygirl, anything for u

---
a/n

drama is coming darlings

I like never proof so this is probably ridden w typos bc I wrote most of this on a train at 7 AM after approximately 0.00 hours of sleep lol. that being said, I do like this chapter. i like the whole internal monologue thing, it's fun to write and it's different so

thanks for all the love (this story gained like 3k in a few weeks and that is so fucking cool!)

much love,

-maggie <3

PS if you're seeing the girls on tour good luck on surviving through BBW lmao