My Story

I love you daddy.

Did you see me daddy?
Did you see me on my birthday?
Did you see me in the pool with all my friends?
Everyone was there.
Everyone except you.

Did you see me daddy?
Did you see me at my swim meet?
I got ribbons!
I did the best at my worst.
I worked really hard daddy.
I worked really hard to show off for you.
I wanted you to be there so bad.
But I knew you couldn't.
I was so sad daddy.
I wanted you to watch me.
I wanted you to be there with me.
I wanted you to be there with me daddy.
I want you here daddy.

Do you see me daddy?
Do you see my broken heart?
Do you see what you have done to me?
Do you see that I am only half?
To you see me when I'm all alone,
crying till I loose my breath?

I want to see you daddy.
I want to tell you it's going to be alright.
I want you to know that I am here for you.
I want you to know that you're worth it.
You could have pulled your life together daddy!
But instead,
you chose a piece of rope.

Did you know that I called?
Did you know that I called
1
2
3
times?
No.
Because it was to late.
You were already gone.

I love you daddy.
I love your smell.
I love your laugh.
I love your big blistered hands.
I love your hair.
I love the prickles of your moustache.
I love your firm hug.
I love you daddy.
I love you so much.

I can't daddy.
I can't be mad at you.
I can't put you through anymore pain.
I know it wasn't my fault.
I know you are happy now.
I know you're in heaven with great grampy.
I know you don't have to worry about the devil knocking you down anymore.
How?
Because I had a dream daddy.
I know exactly why you aren't here.
You told me in my dream.
You told me when I thought it was my fault.
You told me when I was thinking about ending it all like you.
You came to me and told me why you're no longer in pain anymore.
You told me exactly;
"I'm tired of people being mad at me."

That's why.
That's why I can't be mad.
I can't blame you.
I can't think it's all my fault.
I can't daddy.
Why?
Because you're out of pain.
You're with Shadow and Rex and possibly Tiger.
You're in your home now.
You have Jesus by your side.
I have Jesus by my side.
But I also have you by my side.
Forever,
and
Always.

I love you daddy.