My Story

2 years later.

This is what I wrote on my notes about a week ago.

Dear Dad.
     It's been two years and six months since you left us. By us I mean your family that has put up with a lot of your shit for a lot of years. Whether it be your drinking, your lying, your lying about drinking. Although I have to say dad, this is by far the worst you could have possibly done.
     You know you really fucked me up. My mind wanders to dark places that it probably should never go. In fact I've probably came pretty close to ending it the exact way you did. So thank you for that, thank you for destroying a little part of me each and every time I hear the word "dad."
     You know what the worst part is? It's that even after all you have done to hurt me, I can't be mad. Because the moment I am, I feel guilty. Because I know that it wasn't all you. I know that you had a pretty shit life from time to time and you had demons that you just couldn't get rid of.
     Like the ones I'm fighting most with just recently. Whether it be depression or pure negativity, since you've been gone, my beliefs in Jesus have vanished. All faith has been lost. Which really sucks because if he does exist then I am so screwed.
     Although I feel it's fair to keep you updated on my life. I'm a lifeguard now. Yeah, I think its good for me. Since I've moved to Hampton and began coming to the pool 7 years ago it's all I've wanted to do. You were never a swimmer.
     Oh and I'm going into grade 11 this school year dad. Yep. Start applying to universities next summer. Ironic isn't it? Your side of the family and I have never been close, but since you left, we've been closer then ever. It's my safe spot. I feel comforted as if you're there the whole time. In fact that's why I want to apply at Mt.A. So I can be closer to them.
     The kids. Those sweet sweet kids. I've became really close to ant Phyllis. And those adorable little Tasmanian devils and I have became more and more like siblings every day. Reagan and I are close like you and her were.
     I've been avoiding this one. That's right dad, I have my first boyfriend! Don't worry, I'm not in love with him or anything like that. But he's a trouble maker just like you. He likes bikes and lives in Kingston. We have our fair share of arguments but he treats me well. It'll be 2 months on the 20th. Yeah that's right. We started dating on your birthday...
     He promised me not to drink or do drugs. It took me a long time to trust him. I love you dad but you took a lot of my trust away.
     I love you dad. I miss you dad. I need you dad. I'm sorry dad. I forgive you dad.