Forbidden (a Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

Chapt. 13

I drew in a shaky breath, slowly turning around to face him. His face is upsetting to see, dull, green eyes with slight under eye circles. I look away from his eyes, walking slowly to my seat. He lets out a frustrated sigh. He walks over, my heart races as he is only a few inches away, he crouches down, meeting my eyes. He takes a deep breath, opening his mouth to say something, but shutting it, then reopening it, this time he does say something;

"Josie, please just listen to me, I shouldn't have told you all those things yesterday, but I-," I cut him off immediately. Fluttering my eyes close, I raise my hand and hold it up as to say stop.

"Please- just- don't." I whisper, taking weary breaths. I don't think I can bear to look at him right now, even though my eyes are closed, I can still feel that he is upset.

"But please let me explain myself, I can't go another day without-," once again, I cut him off. I am not prepared to hear what he has to say. So I choose not to hear at all.

"No, I don't want to hear it ok? I just want you to leave me alone." my voice trembles. Except, I don't want that. In fact, I don't even know what I want. I reopen my eyes, his eyes still locked on mine. His jaw is clenched, and his eyebrows furrowed, his breathing quick and heavy, his face a bright red from what I assume is anger. Although I cannot understand why he is mad.

"You want me to leave you alone?," he lets out a fake, harsh laugh. His tone is sharp and cold, almost heartless. It frightens me, yet it intrigues me how his mood changes from desperate for forgiveness to anger.

"How can you ask me to leave you alone after what happened between us?" He barks. My heart aches to say that I don't want that, that I want him. But apparently, my brain has other plans.

"Us? What is us? There was never an us." I swallow the lump in my throat. I immediately regret what I said, his expression turns to hurt and other emotions I can't tell. But anger is one of them.

He steps back.

"So what was that?," He asks, whispering, his brows still furrowed deeply. I can't stand looking at him, so I look down to the floor.

"What were those kisses? Were that nothing to you? The feeling in here," he points to his chest, where his heart is.

"That was nothing? All of it meant nothing to you?" He raises his voice, my eyes glaze over a fresh new set of tears, ready to pour. My heart tightens, compressed by my ribs and other organs around it. My breathing ragged and broken. Like my heart, I can't believe what I am saying:

"Of course not, you're my teacher, I'm your student. There was no us, and there will never be an us."

I head nothing more from him, only his footsteps as he walks away to his desk where he sits down. My throat tightens, I know I will burst any second, just in time I get a text from Mum.

From: Mum

I'm here. Come outside darling. Xx

I quickly grab my stuff and walk to the door. I stop at the door, my heart urging me to turn around and tell him that I'm sorry and that it meant everything to me, that I would love nothing more than for there to be an us. But no, I turn the knob and walk out. Tears spilling out, I sprint to my Mum's car. She waits inside, tapping on the steering wheel, looking pained. I quickly wipe my tears away, I run faster to the car, my face numbs by the harsh, cold wind that smacks me in the face, like a slap. I swallow the lump in my throat, opening the door, my fingers are cold and numb by now. I quickly slide in the backseat, slamming the door shut, prohibiting from anymore of the cold gust of air to get inside. My face slowly regains its warmth, losing its numbness. Like icicles in the summer, slowly melting, turning into warm water. Except, I don't melt away like I want to. I can't just precipitate like water when they form into a cloud, I can't disappear and float away. No, I have to face my problems, even if I don't want to. I have to face them one way or another. My fingers feel as they are being pricked by needles, like in a acupuncture appointment, except my fingers are being pricked by warmth. Mum turns to me, passing me a Starbucks cup full of some warm liquid, as well as a little paper bag with the logo on it. She looks concerned, saddened, and worried, things I've never seen before since Jade has past away. I quickly push the thoughts of her away, knowing that if I thought anymore of her, I would brake down. I don't want Mum to see that, I don't want to show weakness, not anymore.