For the Love of Camelot

2. Fear

As his king slept, Merlin sat, his eyes clouded. He should've told him sooner. Things could've been different, but now... His gaze landed on Arthur, so peaceful in his sleep despite his injury. Merlin felt as though he'd been stabbed through the heart. If Arthur only knew...

The sorcerer tore his gaze from the sleeping king as leaves crunched and Gaius appeared from the trees. Worry was written on his face, his usually cocked eyebrows furrowed with concern.

"Any change?" The physician asked as Merlin stood up and reoriented himself.

"No."

"Let me see." As Gaius crouched down beside Arthur, Merlin's gaze travelled to his uncle's belt and the opened herb pouch that rested on it. There was a severe lack of herbs. Merlin swallowed as a lump formed in his throat, seeing what little help they would be.

"Is that all you've got?" The sorcerer stepped closer as the physician began to make a poultice out of some large green leaves. Gaius glanced up at his nephew, his eyebrows raised back into their usual position.

"The hills are crawling with saxons."

"There's no yarrow," Merlin began pacing, then stopped, spinning on his heel and turning to face Gaius yet again. "No lady's mantle?"

"I got comfrey."

Silly Gaius. They both knew that comfrey wouldn't do much good for a dying man. A dying man he may be, but he will live, Merlin told himself, biting his lip. "You should've gotten sticklewort! There must've been sticklewort." He bit his lip again, muttering to himself. "There must've been sticklewort..."

"Merlin." Gaius looked up from dabbing the poultice onto the unconscious king's wound, concern, not just for his king but for his nephew as well, written on his features. "Why don't you go water the horses. And make sure they're fed, we can't hide here for much longer."

"You must need me here." Merlin glanced down at Arthur again. "I could find sticklewort..."

"Where I need you is at the horses, Merlin," Gaius responded. He couldn't even tell that Arthur had awoken until the sorcerer had gone and the king grabbed at his robes.

...

"He's a sorcerer," Arthur hissed, fear apparent in his eyes. He knew the physician could see his emotions, but he didn't care. He had a right to be afraid. Magic was to be feared, and abolished. And yet Merlin was... He didn't know what Merlin was anymore. Merlin had once been his friend, and had once been something more.

"You knew." Arthur came to the realization. "You knew all along. You should've told me, Gaius. I would've accepted him."

"Arthur, he is your friend." Gaius looked down at him, his eyes deep and caring. "You still can accept him."

"No." Arthur spat. "No, I can't. I want him gone." His eyes watered as the harsh words escaped his lips, recalling what had once been. I want him gone.

"There is no need to fear him, Arthur." Gaius looked down on him with pleading eyes, eyes that had seen a lifetime of deaths, a lifetime of ills.

"Have him take word to Camelot. To Guinevere." Arthur thought of his queen, thought of the once conflicting emotions he'd had, and swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. Merlin had lied to him, and this was what he deserved.

"You cannot send Merlin. I will go." Gaius' words were so filled with determination that Arthur almost gave in. But he didn't need Merlin anymore. He never wanted to see Merlin's face again.

"I need a physician right now, not a sorcerer." The last word came out as a snarl, shocking Arthur with his own coldness. But nothing could ever be different than this. Merlin had lied to him. Merlin had magic.

"He can do far more than me, far more than you could ever imagine." Oh, Arthur could imagine. "Arthur, he doesn't just have magic... There are those who say he's the greatest sorcerer ever to walk the earth."

This day just kept getting worse and worse. How could Merlin, clumsy, loyal, hilarious Merlin, keep this big a secret from him? "Merlin?!"

"If you are to stand any chance of survival, you'll need Merlin to help you, not me." Arthur looked through the trees, the way that Merlin's footsteps had faded as he'd gone to the horses. This was all too much. Too much...

...

Merlin's thoughts were all over the place, and yet they somehow all settled on the same thing... Arthur. He thought of Arthur as he fed the horses, thought of Arthur as he stroked their muzzles, thought of Arthur as Gaius came back through the trees...

"Gaius?" That one word was so full of hope, hope that the physician had cured his king. Hope that, even though he may be outcasted, the man he loved would still live.

"He has a fragment of the sword embedded in his chest." Gaius spoke slowly, waiting for Merlin's response.

"Then we'll use magic to draw it out." It was simple then. So simple, one spell and his king would live. One spell-

"No." The word reverberated between them, snaking through Merlin's ears and wreaking havoc in his brain. "The blade that struck Arthur is no ordinary blade. I fear it was forged in the dragon's breath. It's fatal power will not be so easily denied." Merlin drew a breath, for he had spawned such evil. He recognized the white dragon's power when he heard of it.

"Aithusa."

"The blade's point is travelling inexorably towards his heart. Not even you could hope to thwart such magic. It would take a power as ancient as the dragons themselves." But what was a power as ancient as the dragons themselves? Kilgharrah must be able to help him. But it would be dangerous to summon the dragon here. There were still many things that he had not yet told Arthur.

"No. There must be something we can do, Gaius."

"Only the Sidhe possess such magic. In the midst of the lake of Avalon there is an ancient isle. That is the source of their power. You must take him there."

"He won't allow that." No, there was no way that Arthur would ever speak to him again, no way he'd ever want to see him again, not after what had happened.

"He will." But perhaps Gaius could defy the odds. "I spoke to him."