For the Love of Camelot

4. Valiance

They had only been riding for a short while when he spotted them. Two men, clothed in darkness, mounted on horses that closely matched their attire. The warlock looked at his companion worriedly, then stated the obvious.

"Saxons." He dismounted from his horse and tugged the blanket from under his saddle, throwing it over the king to make him less recognizable. Arthur gratefully took it and pulled it around his face, disguising his identity. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Merlin as the sorcerer's eyes flashed, and smoke appeared in the trees that they had recently come from. His facial muscles tightened as he thought yet again of how his friend had betrayed him. But now was not the time for such thoughts.

"I'll deal with them. Keep your head down. Don't speak." Merlin said under his breath as the two men approached and turned to face them. "Help us! Please, you have to help us. We were ambushed." Arthur caught his breath from under the blanket, peering out to catch a glimpse of the two men. His fever had passed, but he was still as weak as a fledgling and wouldn't be much use in a fight. I wouldn't have to fight, he reminded himself. Merlin has magic. He's been the one who's been fighting all along.The saxons dismounted their horses and walked towards the pair, eyes cold and calculating.

"By who?" The first man spoke.

"These two men," Merlin responded, clearly growing nervous under the other's gaze.

"What did they look like?" The same man spoke, looking past Merlin and straight towards Arthur. The king held his breath. He could feel Excalibur's hilt poking out from underneath the blanket. He should've done a better job at hiding it.

"Um..." Merlin seemed at a loss for words. "One was... a knight." He glanced behind him towards the king and their blue eyes locked. Merlin's gaze travelled to Arthur's belt, and he visibly swallowed. Arthur kept as still as possible. "They stormed our camp." He pointed towards the smoke rising from the trees, and once the saxons were distracted, crept over to Arthur and silently covered Excalibur with the blanket. Arthur released a breath as the saxons turned to face them yet again, realizing too late that Merlin had not returned to his previous spot. The saxons, however, seemed unfazed.

"You're sure it was a Camelot knight?" There was now a flicker of doubt in the man's eyes. Merlin seemed to notice and became more anxious.

"Yeah." Merlin barely had enough time to finish his response before the man had shoved him off to the side, clearing a path between him and Arthur. The two saxons approached the blanketed man, threw off the blanket, and drew their swords once they recognized the king. Never had Arthur felt so helpless.

Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur saw a flash of movement and the Saxons were blasted backwards by some invisible source, their swords flying out of their hands before they could even hit the ground. Arthur turned his head as Merlin lowered his hand, his eyes returning to their normal blue color. All he could feel was betrayal. All he could feel was thankless, unforgiving betrayal. And so he responded to the warlock's actions.

"You've lied to me all this time."

...

They had to keep going. It didn't matter how much his backside hurt, or where the sun was in the sky... they had to keep going. Two days. Two days. One day left. They had to keep going. There wasn't much longer. And yet he needed to keep Arthur as well as possible, he needed to take care of him. And so they stopped to make camp.

As the sorcerer knelt to light the fire with the flints, Arthur posed the question that Merlin had been waiting for.

"Why don't you use magic?" Merlin took a moment to consider the question. He could remember a time when magic had been almost default. That was so long ago. And yet...

"Habit, I suppose." He tilted his head toward the fire, silently asking. Arthur nodded, and Merlin concentrated, his heart warming until energy flowed out of him, through his entire being, and settled on the kindling, building up into a warm, gentle flame. He exhaled, aware of Arthur's gaze. "Feels strange."

"Yeah." Arthur's eyes followed Merlin as the sorcerer stood and walked over to the bags that had long since been removed from the horses' backs. "I thought I knew you." The words stabbed through his heart, and he contemplated yet again whether he should've told Arthur sooner, whether he should've told him at all. He turned and walked back to the king, setting his blanket on the ground.

"I'm still the same person." He unrolled his blanket next to the king and sat down, fingers playing with the dried leaves on the forest floor.

"I trusted you." Arthur's words made Merlin look up. He met the king's eyes, his own filled with remorse.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." Arthur leaned his head back against a tree and Merlin scooted around him, ending up at his feet. He yanked on the king's boots, pulling them off. Arthur looked at him in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"They need drying." Merlin moved to set the boots down by the fire, then came back to Arthur's side. The pair sat in silence for what seemed like hours until Arthur asked his second question.

"What's it like?"

"All of it?"

"All of it."

Merlin smiled sadly. "It's like hiding who you are. Because if people knew who you were, they would kill you, they would torture you in ways unimaginable." He cringed. "But when I use it, it's beautiful. Not the outcome but the sensation, the magic itself... it's a part of me that I've hidden for so long, so long that when it surfaces, it is truly amazing. Without magic, I would have no identity. It is who I am. And yet, people want to kill me simply because of how I was born, how I have been my whole life. It is woven so deeply into the depths of my being that not even I can change it." As he spoke, he stared into the magnificent depths of his king's blue eyes. Never once did his confidence in his words falter. Never once... until he finished. Arthur stared at him for a moment before turning his head to the side, his gaze blank. Merlin took that as his cue to leave. There was the ever-impending reality of Arthur's death to take care of.

...

"This will be good for you. You need to eat." Arthur tilted his head back as Merlin supported him, the king's head in one hand and a spoon in the other. A bowl of barely touched soup sat by his feet.

"Why are you doing this?" Arthur asked as Merlin set the spoon back in the bowl and gently eased the king's head back against the tree. "Why are you still behaving like a servant?" He had no need to, after all, being more powerful than any man in the world. His sweet, clumsy Merlin... he still couldn't process the information fully.

"It's my destiny," Merlin responded simply. "As it has been since the day we met."

"I tried to take your head off with a mace." Arthur almost chuckled, but then held his breath. Merlin was still Merlin, but Merlin was not Merlin. This... not-Merlin couldn't make him laugh. No matter what he had thought of the Merlin-Merlin.

"And I stopped you, using magic." The sorcerer inclined his head toward the king.

"You cheated!" Arthur was aghast.

"You were going to kill me."

"I should've." He knew those words hurt long before they left his mouth, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore, only that he had trusted Merlin and Merlin had-

"I'm glad you didn't." Merlin spoke. "I do this because of who you are." The king looked up at his sorcerer then. Who was he? Simply the king of Camelot, and nothing more. As if reading his thoughts, Merlin continued. "Without you, Camelot's nothing."

"There was a time when that was true. Not now. There are many who can fill the crown." As Arthur spoke, Merlin looked at him, so many emotions mixed in his bright blue eyes. He stroked his hand through Arthur's hair.

"There will never be another like you, Arthur." He smiled once more, that heart-wrenching sad smile, so bittersweet. "Now, I also do this..." Merlin rested his hand at the back of Arthur's head and picked up the spoon, feeding the warm liquid into Arthur's mouth. "...Because you're my friend and I don't want to lose you."