Slave Till Ya Last Breath

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"Look at ya walkin, ya daddy be proud,.................... going to be proud of you" I said to my smiling baby with his two teeth showing. Johnny had taken me to the river everyday to read with me, and I had even learned some words in French, everything I learned I taught to River, he was such a smart baby. I picked River up and went downstairs to see where mama or Journey was. I was always comfortable around the house when Mista wasn't here. I saw Chris at the table feeding Percy and frowned.

"Chris what ya doing, we're not slaves no mo, you don't hav ta feed him" Percy was a sad excuse for living, I don't know why they didn't put him out of his misery. I had never hated another person more than him, but nobody deserved to go through what he was. I would always love Trey for what he did for me.

"He my brotha, and if ya marry my other brotha, you'll be his sister, think bout that when ya lay with him next" I didn't like the way that Chris said that and I frowned.

"Johnny loves me Chris, and I love him" Chris wiped his brothers face and moved his soup away from him.

"You loved Trey too" I felt shame again, I couldn't help that I loved Johnny, was Chris trying to make me feel bad for it? He was here with a man who had raped him and he wanted to judge me. I felt myself get angry with him.

"He raped ya and yal sit here, ackin like a house nigger" I expected Chris to get upset, but his body tensed for a moment and his fists clenched before looking up at me.

"He blood Vannah, but I aint the house nigger  look at ya in ya pertty dresses, speaking lika missus, learning French, ya thank yond dis house dey see ya more den nother nigga ta be hanged, ya ain't free Vannah, no matta how many lies Johnny tell ya" I bit my bottom lip, feeling my eyes start to tear up as I held my baby closer to me.

"You know nothin Chris (You know nothing, Jon Snow, love Game Of Thrones, lol) Johnny luv me, wes go get married, and live in Paris, he tol me" Chris laughed at that and shook his head as he stood up, and started to roll Percy from the room.

"You be a slave till ya last breath Vannah, whether chained to a wall, or chained ta his bed" I said nothing as he left the room and I sat at the table. My baby rubbed at his eyes as my tears fell and I just held him tightly to me. I heard sets of footsteps and quickly got up and hid behind the closet door.

"Mr. Wilder, I do appreciate Gladys wanted to join our hands, but I have to decline" I heard a disapproving noise and moved my head around the door to see Johnny talking to who I'm guessing was Mr. Wilder. 

"Is it cause of that nigga gal ya had a baby with, boy dey not made to be wifes and care for da house, ya keep her on as a wet nurse, fuck ha when ya want, but marry a well off woman like my little Gladys, dis would be da best thang for you and fe...

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"Is it cause of that nigga gal ya had a baby with, boy dey not made to be wifes and care for da house, ya keep her on as a wet nurse, fuck ha when ya want, but marry a well off woman like my little Gladys, dis would be da best thang for you and fer da gal, slavery may be abolished, but I know some men who pay a pretty penny fer a gal like ha" my voice got caught in my throat, and I couldn't breathe for a moment. 

"Ya threatening me, Mr. Wilder"

"I'm threatening her, Mr. John, Gladys will be arriving three days from the morrow, I expect her to be met by servants and well taken care of before you announce your proposal, good day to you Mr. John" I heard walking and then a loud noise that sounded like something was broken.

"Mista............................." I heard my mother scream and then running, which made River start to cry. 

"Vannah" I tried rocking River to quiet him and Johnny moved the door out of the way. He walked behind the door and stood in front of me as I looked at his shoes.

"Always going to be a slave, whether chained to a wall, or chained to ya bed" Johnny shook his head wiping my tears away.

"I love you Vannah, I have to protect you, Mr. Wilder is a very important man and.............................he could hurt you, I won't love her" I put River down and he walked over to my mama.

"You give empty promises Mista, you tol me we wouldn't be like Mista and mama, but we will, and I'll watch and care fo yo babies, while ya make me carry mo, and I'll neva be able ta leave ya, chained to ya bed, still a slave" I started yelling as my vision blurred from the tears and I began sobbing.

"Vannah please, just give me time, please, I'm a slave with you, I don't want this, but until he dies, I ain't got a choice" he said speaking softly to me as I cried. He tried to hold me but I moved away.

"I want ta go back ta my cabin, I won't serve ha, I don't want ta see ya happy wit her, give me my shifts back" I ran away from him and back upstairs hearing him scream my name. I almost tore the dress trying to get it off, and put on one of my old shifts I kept behind the pillows. I would wait until tonight, and go back to my cabin. I pressed hand to my stomach where our second child was growing. I would ask Sister Brown if she was still here, how ta get rid of it. I was never going to be free, and I didn't want this baby inside me to ever feel that way.

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