Color Blind

Ms. Wilder

The next few days that followed were slow and long. I didn't talk to Johnny much, and he wouldn't stop trying to talk to me. I tried time and again to go back to the cabin my husband made for me, even threw it in his face a couple of times, Johnny just picked me up and brought me back to the house. Telling me it's my house, but he bringing that woman here anyway.

"Vannah, we have guests today, I expect you to be on your best behavior, ok, it wont be for long baby, but I can keep you and Riva safe this way, ok" I looked up at him and frowned before looking away.

"Yes Mista, would ya like I put on a dinna as well, gotta be a good slave serve da new madam of da house, still be here bendin ova fo ya when ya done wit her" Johnny turned towards me and sighed heavily.

"Vannah please understand I dont want her, i'm doing this for you, cause I love you and I don't want to lose you" I rolled my eyes at him as I got up from the bed, pushing the dress he brought me down on the floor.

"Send me back to mi shack, I ain't bein here why yo new woman is Johnny, I's sposed to be free member" Johnny got this really sad look on his face before running his fingers through that beautiful blond hair.

"You would leave me Vannah, after everything you would, you married another man, had his baby in ya, all I'm trying to do is keep another man from putting his hands on you, I'm not trying to hurt you Vannah, can't you see that" I wiped the tears falling from my eyes and frowned at him, I didn't care, let as many man touch me as they wanted, as long as I didn't have to see another woman touch Johnny.

"Johnny, please, I can't........................this hurt me more than Percy eva has" his eyes widened and he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling me down on his lap.

"I love you so much Vannah" I looked down at him and kissed his lips softly. I admit it, I loved him too.

"You promise me Paris and all I get is dis hell" There was a knock at the door, momma came in with the new baby in her arms and Riva holding onto her dress.

"Mista Johnny, ya visitors at the door" Mama had her eyes cut in disappointment and I knew Johnny felt the weight of that stare, as he gently moved me off his lap and headed downstairs with his head down. 

"Mama, what I do now" Mama gave me the full weight of her gaze and I saw how hurt she was for me.  

"He know ya got a baby in ya" My eyes widened at being caught, I had let myself forget for the last few days.

" Dont look so saprised gal, I see your hips swellin, nose wide, ya got anotha comin, was ya go tell em, or wait till dat baby crawlin out ya" I looked down ashamed this time, biting my bottom lip as Riva ran over to me. I buried my face in his soft blond hair, just like his fathers. His smell calming me, and I think my little man knew that.

"I was go see Sista Brown" I hadn't seen mama move but I felt her hand against my face quick. Mama had never hit me before and I was shocked.

"She da devil woman she is, ya let her take a angel out, she put a demon in you, dat baby precious" I shook my head, mama didn't understand, I didn't, I didn't want to be her. 

"I know ya like my own Vannah, cause you been from da moment I laid eyes on ya, ya think I don know how ya don't want my sit'a'tion, hell Vannah, I don want it either, if Journey wasn't here, I'd be wit yo daddy in his last days, but I gots ta make sho Mista ain't sellin ha off, I gots ta keep him occupied ta keep his mind of ya, so he don't sell Chris, I does what I haf ta, just like you will, you be strong Vannah, and ya does what ya haf too" I nodded my head and wiped my tears away trying to ease the sting in my face. I stood up and picked up the dress that  Johnny brought for me.

"Mama, can ya have Journey help me with my dress" mama gave me a small smile and did as I asked. Moments later Johnny sent a boy to fetch me. I went downstairs and held my head high, Journey had even twisted my hair on top of my head, all regal like. I tried to portray confidence but it was all lost when I saw her. She was beautiful and I could see Johnny thought so too. His eyes didn't leave her. She was a pure bred woman, she was raised in a wealthy family, you could almost smell it on her. Her red hair looked like fire and her red lips sinful. 

"Ahh and whos this pretty liitle negro gal, my help I supposse" Mr. Wilder smiled as he walked towards his daughter.

"Darling this is the lady of the house" I smiled at the both of them with a confidence I didn't have before curtsying.

"If ya excuse me Miss and Sir, my time been a lil off since findin I's is carryin again, I can show ya ta the livin area while I get ya some freshments" They both look surprised and smiled at each other before walking past me.

"So well mannered too, eva since ya neggers been free, they been a bit uppity, good ta see dis one know ha place" She petted me on the head as she walked towards the living area and I wanted to cry with the rage I felt inside. 

"Vannah, ya..............., ya carrying again" I gave the man I love and who I thought loved me a look that made him flinch.

"Cuse me sir, must be tendin to ya visitors, should I get ha room ready, or will she be rooming with ya sir" Johnny came towards me to hold my hand but I moved away from him quickly to the kitchen to serve them. After hours of being belittled, called many names and the base of all their jokes, I was surprised when they left for the night. I was proud of myself for taking their abuse and not letting it get to me, but now that they were gone, I fell to my knees on the kitchen floor and sobbed. Stopping stopping short when I head the sound of a chair, I looked up to see Percy trying his best to smile. He took a piece of paper and lead and wrote something down, then beckoned me over. I read his chicken scratch hand writing.

"You want to leave" I looked at him and around to make sure no one else was here before nodding my head. More than ever. He beckoned for the paper back and wrote again.

"I'll make it happen if you do one thing for me" I looked at Percy and a lot of disgusting perverted things ran through my mind as to what he would want me to do. I was tempted to ball the paper up and throw it at him. 

"What" He wrote really big and quickly in big letters. 

"KILL ME"