Forever

7. Talking

She had never realized how truly reliant she had become on her relationship with Edward, until she sat in her bed alone, the emptiness beside her becoming a looming shadow in her subconscious, a mocking reminder of how much she needed a presence beside her. The window was closed, and if she turned to look at it, she knew that two bright amber eyes would be staring at her, demanding and probing for an answer. It was almost haunting, and she shivered when she thought of how she used to need those eyes, how they used to make her fall into a brainless mess of words and actions; it was almost sickening. That she would so childishly need a man to keep her alive, like a child and a blanket, was she truly so sad? Was that to be her purpose, chasing after love, after a man who cherished a china doll, not a woman? Edward now represented a side of her she had learnt to leave, to abandon, a side that she no longer knew or wanted to be. He represented open windows, secrets and no friends. She clenched her eyes shut as something tapped the window, gritting her teeth. She didn't want him in here, he didn't belong in her bed, he didn't belong in her heart, he had lost that privilege when he had first left, and now he had broken it when he had abandoned her under the advantage of someone else, that he would use himself as an excuse to manipulate and deprive her. He had lost her.

Emmett was different. She didn't need him. She wanted him, that was no lie, but she had now learnt that it was unhealthy and unfair to depend on someone that much. She still couldn't call what she shared with him love, although she cared for him, and her feelings were strong. He reminded her so much of normality. His character, his personality, he presented an atmosphere of warmth despite his cold exterior, she would mistake him for human if it weren't for the obvious physical differences.

Their situation seemed almost cliché, and she laughed at how much he reminded her of a normal high-school senior. Maybe that was why she was so attracted, maybe she truly did desire a shred of normalcy in her relationship. But with normalcy came the obvious doubts. She had never dealt with doubt, never been truly unsure. But now she was, with each second she looked back, she had to wonder what he truly wanted, she had to wander what she wanted from all of this.

Her phone buzzed, and she growled, the noise disrupting her thoughts. Could he not take a simple message, seriously just go home! She reached over, grabbing the device angrily and clicking answer.

"What!" She snapped, squinting in the darkness. But the voice wasn't what she expected.

"That's a lovely way to say hello." His voice was warm, and mocking, and she knows he was teasing her. She couldn't help but deflate in relief, collapsing back on the pillow, her phone pressed to her ear.

"Sorry, I thought you were him." He laughed, and she can hear shuffling on the other end, before a door slammed. "No, sorry to disappoint, just good ol' Emmett, sadly he's sulking in his room, muttering over why his dearest Bella has shut him out." She couldn't help giggling at his impression, finding it strangely accurate. "I'm out the house, so you can speak freely."

"I closed my window, didn't think it was... Okay for him to be sleeping in my bed after everything." She didn't know if its technically okay to talk about things like this, what his stand on things were. Was he as okay with the situation as she was. Was she honestly growing a moral code after the last few days of fucking in closets, cars and other suggestive places, she figured it was a bit too late for that. He seemed to interpret her silence, because she could hear him chuckle from the other side, immediately easing her worries.

"Good, can't have him touch what doesn't belong to him." He sounded warm, his voice deep and jealous, she can feel her blood rush in her body, her limbs aching from the tinge of warmth under her skin, and she found it absolutely ridiculous how safe the sound made her feel. Edward never used to do that. Now that she thought about it, Edward never used to do anything!

"How was your day?" Its a mundane question, and she feels completely out-placed by it, her chest tightening at how ordinary it is. The last person who had bothered to ask that was Charlie, and she hadn't bothered to spend any time with him, too wrapped up in running after her fiancée. Guilt built up, and she put a mental reminder to talk with Charlie make some drastic changes over her relationship. First Charlie, then Jacob.

She rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling. "It was boring, school, homework, confused fiancé's." She listened to him hum in agreement, and grinned, "And a very sex-deprived body." His intake of breath let her know her words were taking desired effect. She continued.

"It was so boring in Biology, with Edward writing those horrendously sappy notes, I couldn't help remembering those messages I had in my phone, the ones you had sent me, and they were right below his nose." Her grin grew wider the more silent the line became, because she knew that he would only grow silent if he was trying his hardest to stay quite, to hold back the sounds. She pushed the blankets back, her body feeling trapped. The cool air brushed against the bare flesh of her arms and legs, the large, oversized top quickly hiking up to reveal a plain blue pair of panties.

"I was so turned on, he was so confused, and it was all your fault, leaving me unattended for such a long time, then sending those messages, I think its about time you take responsibility." She dragged her fingers over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, her legs unconsciously falling apart to bare the flesh between, and it was so achingly warm, and sensitive, and she really wished he wasn't on the phone.

He breathed deeply on the other end, and she shivers as he chuckled, his voice dropping a tone. There's something forbidden and achingly naughty abut doing this through the phone, the idea of being overheard, or walked in on, and not giving an actual crap, it makes her body ache, her skin tight and her legs rub together to create the impression of friction.

He seems shell shocked, from the low breaths, and she knows that she has to take initiative, that she has to stop relying on him to always know what to do, cause perhaps he was as confused as she was. She sucked in a breath, building as much courage as she could. "Do you remember what I was doing before our first time?" She breathed, her heart beating in her ear, nearly blocking out his response.

He groaned over the line, as if the memory was enough to send him over the edge. She didn't give him the chance to respond.

"Do you want to know what I was imagining?"  She breathed, letting her head fall back onto the soft down, already feeling her adrenaline build up, her body achingly ready to show him exactly what he wanted to see.