The Willow Maid & The Man Who Suffered

1

What is this story? A romantic story between two 'lovers'. Yes, so romantic. The two lovers of this godforsaken confusing era. Actually, Doc shouldn't even be in this time what the hell is he doing here? Eh, let's just go on with the story and not question the questionable.

Actually on second thoughts...he's known as The Doctor with a failed time machine he named Bitch. God knows why. Don't question him or his time machine. He has a shotgun he's not afraid to use. He actually has a lot of fun using it. Also, he crash landed in a tree in a forest in Ireland....in a time that use to be 1895 before his Bitch's engine failed and he ended up mixing eras. Oh if you know this forest and you come across a burnt tree and a time machine with D0c written with green paint...keep walking. Better yet just run and never look back. Okay ON WITH THE STORY!

Doc, a somewhat Italian man (not fully italian please do not get mixed up), was walking through the forest, with his crossbow hanging at his back and his black cape coat thing (no one understands what it is) swooshing around with every step he took, every move he made, when he heard the beautiful singing of a young woman. Okay maybe not beautiful singing. Actually it's not even singing. He handpalmed his face when he heard the painful groans of a drunk woman coming from an opening in the distance of the forest. Why was he even in the forest in the first place? No one knows. Being the curious young man he was, Doc followed the sounds he heard until he came across a young woman sitting at a willow tree...singing 'shots' while chugging on cans of beer.

"Excuse me? But are you the Willow Maid or Maiden, whatever it is?" Doc asked the young woman who, upon hearing the word, maiden, scowled. A frown growing on her face.

"A maiden? A fucking maiden? Listen here you failure of a hunter. I am a Lady. A fair lady. I don't get called a maiden by tight asses like you that wear stupid ass capes? Does thine take it up the butt? Cause the cape says you do."

Doc furrowed his brows and thought. 'A drunk... great..'. He sighed and replied calmly. "No.. I do not take it up the butt. It seems you only answered half of my question.. fair lady."

"Oh wait...maiden...willow maid? Right I forgot, I am the Willow Maid" She laughed at her own forgetfulness, just as Doc started to walk away. 'Clearly this woman needs some help..from a psychiatrist', he thought. However, Star had noticed the man inching his way out of the forest.

"Where do ya tink yer goin, li'l lad?" She questioned him, her accent morphing into a strange sounding one.

Doc took a deep breath before walking closer to the tree. "I was going nowhere, just took a few steps back to admire the...beauty of the tree! Yes, it is a beautiful Willow tree that you have."

The young lady smiled at the mention of her tree, caressing the branch closest to her. "This Willow tree is the only one in this land and tis very dear to me, wait, is that why you're here? To take me precious tree away from me??!!"

"No no no, I assure you I am not here for the tree, I was here to see if the Willow Maiden legend was true, if the Willow Maiden would in fact bring great wealth and happiness to the one who would be wed to her" Doc said casually as if here just talking about the weather.

The maiden tilted her head curiously. "Tis but a legend however. No one but I knows it it is real and I am not allowed to tell another living being about it. neither man nor toad."

"So in other words, you will not come back with me?" Doc questioned.

The young lady shrugged. "Do you have anything to give me in return?"

Doc pointed at himself. "You would have this, what more could you ask for?"

The maiden laughed. "My... that's not much" she looked at him and giggled behind her hand.

Doc sighed, trying to keep his cool. "Then what is it that the young lady wishes to have?"

"I don't know, try and win my heart, dearie, it shouldn't be that hard if you're smart enough" She took another chug of her beer.

Doc groaned and thought to himself 'she hopeless.. but I need to know if the riches are true... and her boobs are huge'

"just a hint.. I'm not a materialistic sort of woman." star said as she waved the bottle around calmly, a faint smile on her face.

"Well then, do I have a time limit to woo you?'' Doc started to think of different things that he could do for the lady.

"hmm...I'll give you a day, you should be able to come up with something in a day" The young lady threw a can of beer at Doc who then caught it. "The name's Star by the way, and don't bother me telling yours, Doc."

Doc smiled a sarcastic smile and refrained from rolling his eyes. "Of course the Willow Maiden knows all, I'll be back tomorrow m'lady. Don't move an inch." He bowed and turned to walk away.

"Don't tell me what to do you kuksugare" The young lady swore.

"What's that?" Doc asked, although he had very good idea of what that might be.

"I have no idea" The lady shrugged.

Doc nodded and walked away, mentally preparing himself for the next day.

When morning came, doc prepared himself with a bag of random shit that he thought he needed before heading over to the maiden, whom he believed was entirely insane.

Doc appeared infront of the Willow Tree after 1 hour of walking, huffing and puffing.

The maiden took a long look at him, snickering. "Jeez you must be fat if you're huffing and puffing like that."

Doc was offended but said nothing, throwing his bag on the floor.

"And what is that?" The maiden asked.

Doc glanced at her with a proud smile before leaning down to zip open the bag. "These are the items i have brought to woo you with."

She raised an eyebrow "items.. to woo me?? DO YOU NOT SEE WHERE I AM?? I live in the willow tree. do you seriously.. think that can woo me??"

'You won't be in that willow tree for long' Doc thought, rolling his eyes. He took out a plastic bag from the bag and brought it over to the lady.

"...Pancakes? You brought me pancakes to woo me?" She asked in disbelief.

Doc shook his head and continued rummaging through his bag, passing her a fork, knife and a bottle of maple syrup, which she stared at like it was alien. "I made extra by accident so think of that as your breakfast".

"Thank you...pancakes are nice"

"You know what pancakes are?" Doc raised an eyebrow, now suspicious of the creature that sat before him.

"Ofcourse I do, I'm not from the 13th century"

Doc was horrified. "....Then what century is this?"

"Wow are you an alien or something? Time has been irrelevant for god knows how long.. there are no eras.. sheesh" she leaned back against the trunk of the tree and crossed her arms.

With hearing this information, Doc didn't know what to think, he doesn't think he was even thinking anymore. What is thought? What is english? Is this even english? And he fainted.

The lady sighed, rolling her eyes before grabbing Doc's two arms and dragging him into her home...which is inside the willow tree. Yep, big from the inside.