SDMN/Pack One-shots

Confusion › Simon

based on one of my headcanons hehe x

Simon was confused.

He was straight - but he wasn't.

He wanted to kiss boys, but he would never want to engage in sex with them.

He knew he wasn't gay, or bisexual, or pansexual, or anything of the sort. Being any of those meant that you wanted to fuck boys.

Right?

He had only ever had sexual fantasies about women. And that wasn't going to change. But recently, in his mind, Simon had begun to toy with the idea of dating males.

And speaking of dating.

In the past, Simon was never able to find a suitable girlfriend. Too often, he'd find himself crushing on one of his best friends and then immediately getting friendzoned.

It kind of sucked.

And the moment he had realized he wasn't 100% straight?

When he realized that he had fallen for the one person that was utterly, undeniably, and unforgettably off-limits.

It was simply inevitable. They spent so much time together, how could anyone not fall in love at that point?

But alas, along with these romantic feelings brought questions and confusion. Simon had always thought that romantic and sexual attraction came as one package and could not be distinguished or separated. Now, however, he was questioning even that logic, which had proved sound up until this point in his life.

He had read once that writing down one's feelings on paper could help coping with the frustration. Seemingly out of ideas, and willing to accept anything, Simon reached for a black notepad on his desk.

Opening it up to the first page, he found a to-do list from December 2015. He chuckled and flipped the page. The next page was blank.

Taking a pen from the stash he had conveniently on his desk corner, he began to write.

• wants sex only with girls

• likes relationships with... boys and girls?

After a moment of hesitation, he crossed out boys and girls and replaced it with anyone.

• only falls in love with close friends

Was there anything else? No, he didn't think so. He drew back and looked at his writing from afar. He sighed frustratedly, as his handwriting had turned out to be horrendous and borderline illegible. Maybe he was just tired. It had been a long day, after all.

The more Simon looked at what he had written, the more he wanted to scream. None of the information added up or made sense; in fact, most of it contradicted itself.

Huffing angrily, and out of despair, Simon threw the pen on the ground with force. The notepad followed suit not long after, pages crinkling as they folded all the wrong ways.

He took deep, long breaths to attempt to calm himself down as his mind focused on nothing in particular. As his anger slowly subsided, the sadness and confusion returned. He hadn't figured out anything.

Simon looked down helplessly at the mess he had just created, sighed, and buried his face in his hands.

I don't know what I am anymore.

sorry if this is confusing to anyone lol oops. if i may explain, he's heterosexual but demi-panromantic. heterosexual meaning sexually attracted to the opposite sex, demi- meaning feeling attraction only when a strong emotional bond is formed, and panromantic meaning basically being able to fall in love with anyone regardless of gender.
(i'm not any of these identities myself. i'm just going along with the info that i know. if i got the meaning wrong, don't take offense but do tell me please! :)

if anybody ever needs help with figuring themselves out, be it gender identity, sexuality, or just need advice in general, message me i promise i'm not mean :')