In the Forest Where I Live

Chapter 3

I couldn't help it. I went back. I went back to her house. I watch her sleep with a straight face. Something about her is different. I can't kill her. I can't kill her and I hate myself for it.
She stirs in her sleep and I bite my lip. //Time to go...// I disappear back into the forest, blending myself within the trees and sighing softly. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I feel numb. That's my life. And honestly, that's a sucky life. The only thing that gives me pleasure is to kill. Oh what a rush. But now...this bitch! She...she's entrancing and I can't kill her. I...I want her. I want to take her with me and have her as my own and I want to.... //No! Stop it! You can't do this! You're a psychopath and you don't associate with people! You kill them!// I take a deep breath. I have to kill her.
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I settle down on a pile of leaves by the river, cold and uncomfortable, a metaphor for my heart. I laugh sadistically. This is me. A sad sad human being. I close my eyes and think about everything that's happened to me. Sure, my parents are dead, sure, I've killed about 20 people before, sure, I've never found love, but that doesn't mean I'm hopeless does it? //No! Oh my fucking god stop it!//. I slap myself a few times. //Toughen up you worthless piece of shit! Toughen up!// I sigh again and slowly drift off to sleep, a fresh bruise forming on my cold cheek.
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The noise of a blade being sharpened jolts me out of my sleep. //DANGER!// my brain screams. I open my eyes cautiously and...see her. The girl...that...Elizabeth... I sit upright quickly and reach to my satchel to grab my knife and...crap! Of course she disarmed me.  "The fuck do you want?" I ask her angrily.  She lifts her head up at me and smirks. "Good morning sleepyhead.  Guess who was stupid enough to sleep in the open unguarded? You!" She giggles at her own joke and holds the knife up to the sun. The blade shimmers in the morning light, the sharp edge reflecting the light into my sensitive eyes. I squint in her direction. "I can kill you. With or without a knife. Tell me what you want."  She laughs at me. "You? Kill me?" She stands up and walks towards me. "If you were going to kill me," She points the knife at me, "You would've done so already." She smiles sweetly. "I don't think you're as tough as you put out honey."  I growl. "Give me my knife back!" She laughs. "This old thing? I think I'll add it to my collection! Didn't notice that when you watched me last night did you?"  I bite my lip and start to stand. "Who are you...?"  She takes a step closer. "Wouldn't you fucking like to know?"  I growl and pounce on top of her, knocking her to the ground. Her head hits a rock and she swears loudly. "Fuck! You bitch!"  I pin her to the ground and bend her wrist back. "Drop it or I'll make you!" She winces and squirms under me. "Drop the fucking knife!" She holds on. I sigh and snap her wrist back, the knife falling out of her now limp and broken hand. "FUCK! FUCK OH CHRIST LORD BITCH CUNT FUCK!"  I pick my knife up off the ground and put it back in its holster. "You get what you deserve." She cradles her broken wrist in her other hand and winces softly. "Do you expect me to feel bad for you? Because I don't! Nor will I!" She gives me the slightest pout before composing herself. "Well fuck you." I smile at her and kneel in front of her, tilting her chin up so she's looking into my eyes. "Poor thing. Broken and lost. You don't know who you are, do you. Trying to find yourself? Well I'm not a fucking therapist. Figure it out yourself." I grab my bag off the ground and start walking away. "Wait! Please...help me..."  I bite my lip, and squeeze my eyes shut. "No."  And I walk away.