Never Worry About Me

Chapter 18: Old Flame

Floating... or was it falling?

Falling... or was I dying?

Light... I remember fearing it.

Dark... I would always see it.

Flashes... and memories.

Lost... and forgotten.

I swore...

Did I break it? Do you think I broke it?

I lifted my eyes, allowing the rays of light to reach them, though the light had already shown its identity.

In my dreams...

I then breathed out as realization didn't fail to greet me.

I was awake...

I hopped out of my bed and walked towards my closet, pulling out a sweater. It was Monday, which meant I had to start getting ready for school, though I didn't exactly want to.

The teacher didn't seem like she cared for anyone anyways. She would just give us nasty stares, telling us that she wished she got that "other position". Apparently, she got turned down, because the Principal believed that her presence might actually scare the students.

A minuscule smile had formed on my thin lips as I lightly giggled at the thought.

A half an hour had gone by, and I found myself lying on my bed again, looking up at the ceiling. My eyes dilated, as they got lost in the starry image from above.

I've always loved looking at the sky and the vastness of it. For some reason, I think I've always felt drawn to it.

There was just something about the sky that made me feel so at peace. So at home...

I then found myself walking towards my dresser, as if compelled to. I felt the sudden yearning to open up the top drawer and see what I had inside. My eyes widened as they landed upon a random book that seemed to occupy the entire space.

I grabbed the book, carefully grasping it in my hands, and I laid back down on my bed. I bit my lip as I slipped my fingers inside, opening the book to the first page.

It was a picture... of me. And only me.

I tilted my head to the side as I wondered where I was when I had taken it. It looked like I was in an ice ring because I could see a white round surface behind me that resembled ice. But, what made me curious was the fact that I had taken a picture of myself, all alone.

Was there no one with me? Did I really go alone?

My eyes then wandered at the empty space next to me. There was nothing there. No one.

I felt this aching feeling in my chest looking at that, looking at the emptiness as if something, or someone, had belonged there. I felt... sad. Though I didn't know why. Looking at that photo made me feel lost. I felt as if something were missing.

A tear struck my face as I had dwelled in both confusion and despair.

"What is it?" I thought in astonishment. Why am I feeling this way? I lifted my hands up and slowly wiped my tears away with my thumbs, though it was a hopeless act, for many more came, reminding me that I couldn't just ignore them- reminding me that I couldn't run from it.

I frantically flipped the pages, trying to find something. An answer. An explanation as to why I felt this way. My eyes seemed to enlarge, as hopelessness and darkness continued to fill them.

In each photo, I was alone.

There was no one. No one...

Even in the family photo, there was a gap, the size of a person, in between my mom and I.