It's been two weeks. Two weeks since the day that Glen told me that he wants me out of his life. And for the past two weeks, I have been a wreck.
I've had to pull myself together for the sake of my team of amazing artists. They shouldn't have to put up with the shit that's going on in my life. And on the big screen, I plaster the biggest smile on my face and pretend that everything is fine. Especially since everyone thinks that me and Danny are still an item. I just don't have the heart to go into the gory details and tell a million viewers that I'm in love with his bandmate who's just broken my heart. So let them think what they want.
But when I get home, I come apart at the seams. I'm either in tears or in a blind fit of rage. I'm seriously a danger to myself. So much so that Mark has decided to come and live with me whilst I go through all of this. He's the only one I can be handle being close to me right now. As much help Danny gave me the day this all happened, I can't bear to be in his company for more than in the live shows. I don't blame him for anything that happened, of course. This was all my fault. But I still can't be around him. It just feels wrong.
I don't know how Mark is coping with me. The amount of times I've freaked out and hit him time and time again before breaking down in his arms is beyond counting. And yet he has the patience of a saint. He hasn't once told me that I'm out of order. Not once told me that I'm being childish. He's just let me act however I need to and been there to pick up the pieces once it's over.
I don't tell him enough how much of an amazing person he is.
Once again, he's had to carry me to my room after a particularly violent outburst. I'm lay in his arms, completely drained after the tears and rage that overcame me. I can only just feel the little shapes that he's drawing on my back. It reminds me of Glen, and I feel the familiar dig of loneliness in my heart. But there's no more tears to cry tonight. I'm all cried out.
“How you doing?” he asks me softly.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“I know,” I hear him sigh into my hair before kissing my forehead softly. “I wish I could fix this for you.”
“Me too.”
Silence takes over again, along with the numbness. Thank God for that. This feeling never comes quick enough. I close my eyes, letting this deadness grip me as I'm falling into sleep once again...
“D'you remember the last time we did this?” I hear Mark say, dragging me back into the world of pain. I don't answer him, hoping that he'll think I'm asleep. But he knows me too well. “Before all this I mean? Do you actually remember the last time you and I shared a bed together?”
He won't me drop this. I know his game. As much as I want to just succumb to my misery, he's going to keep me bobbing at the surface. I sigh, huddling further into his neck.
“How could I forget?” I mumble.
“We were both newly single, trying to figure out how to get through this life without the one that we had been with for such a long time. And we found the answer in each other. Eight years ago. Man, time goes so quick.” He chuckles lightly, catching me off guard slightly. “I can't believe we actually fell into that trap though.”
“What else could we have done? There was pent up chemistry between us, and we were on the brink of a breakdown. If we didn't get together, we could have lost the plot completely.”
“I guess you're right.”
“I know I would have done something stupid if you weren't there.” When he doesn't say anything, I just carry on. “I don't regret being involved with you, Mark. I never will. You will never realise how much you helped me. You distracted me from the pain that I was feeling. Pain I wasn't ready to feel. Sleeping with you released so much anger and hurt from inside me that would have rotted me from the inside. You did me the world of good.”
