What you don't know

01 Plan Invisible

What you don't know (by oxala): Chapter 01 - Plan Invisible

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I don't know exactly when it happened. I only vaguely know how it happened. All the boys I knew growing up suffered some childhood injury or another: broken arms, deep cuts on the forehead, appendicitis. They all wore their scars with pride. And then there is me, I broke my brain.

As he walked toward the building for the second time, Charles berated himself for allowing his mind to "go there" again. The large three story building was actually quite beautiful, a holdover from the 1920's, recently restored to its original art deco splendor. It had been many years since any schools like this had been constructed. His previous school had been a windowless monstrosity, better suited for housing prisoners than educating youth. It didn't even have real classrooms for god's sake. Each "area" had been a large room with many little groupings of desks ostensibly serving as classrooms. Charles had detested the constant buzz of muted voices from nearby "classes". He had loathed the impersonal visage, inside and out, of the ominous grey structure. He had dreaded the inevitable interactions with overly strict administrators who seemed to take a peculiar joy in showering him with unwanted attention. More than anything else, a simple fact that he would never admit, not even to himself, Charles had hated being so alone.

Relax Charles. Nobody knows you here. Just keep your head down. Don't stand out. Don't be known. Keep to plan. Plan Invisible.

About a week prior, he had met one of the assistant principals when he came to the school to register, receive his class schedule and his locker assignment. With a little luck, the assistant principal would have completely forgotten him by now. As he fitted his lock on his locker for the first time, lost in thoughts of wishing to be invisible, he was greeted by a smiling face, a handsome smiling face.

"Hello, you must be Charles; I'm Eric."

Charles looked at Eric blankly, surprised by the sudden intrusion into his reverie.

"Um ... the assistant principal asked me to meet you here. We have mostly the same classes ... um ... I'm supposed to help you find everything ..."

Eric babbled a little as Charles seemed unsure how to respond to the friendly hand stretched toward him. Eric was a little unnerved by this new boy's iciness. An awkward moment or two later, Charles accepted Eric's hand in greeting, shaking with just the right firmness.

"Nice to meet you Eric."

Fuck! So much for invisible ...

And thus his day began.

***

By lunchtime, Charles was impressed. The school was actually beautiful. The abundant turquoise highlights, inside and out, combined with natural light, created a soothing ambiance. The classrooms all had windows, real windows, windows that actually opened. There were rows of windows in each classroom, reaching from 3 feet off the floor almost to the top of the 12 foot ceilings. Even the boy's restrooms had windows. Charles strongly suspected the girl's restrooms had windows as well, but this was something he was not eager to confirm. Of course, even with the windows, the bathrooms were every bit as dank and smoky as one would expect to find in a large urban public school.

At least I don't have to eat lunch with him ...

Eric had dutifully shadowed Charles all morning, introducing him to peers, introducing him to teachers, and just being generally friendly. Charles did his best to appear friendly and appreciative, but to his mind, it was just weird, and more than a little unnerving.

More impressive than the physical beauty of the building, was the unique beauty of the detached school cafeteria. The structure was every bit as ugly and windowless as any school cafeteria should be. The building's beauty, or lack thereof, did not impress Charles so much as its contents. There were two distinct sets of lines. One set led to the pseudo buffet of FDA approved slop. The second was a set of lines to the "fast food" windows serving greasy delights beloved of all but the geekiest teenagers. Pizza slices, fried shrimp, deep fried chicken tenders, french fries, crappy prepackaged burritos served hot in the original plastic wrapping ...

Whoever designed this menu knows what we like ... oh yeah ... big improvement over suburban hell school.

As Charles ate his fried shrimp and french fries in relative isolation, something else impressed him in the form of a question.

Where is everyone ... this school has over 2000 students ... I think there are 400 in here, at most ... fuck, it's even quiet ...

***

After removing his shirt, Charles locked himself in the bathroom he shared with his little brother and sister. As he washed the stickiness off of his hands, he observed his face in the mirror. He felt relief as the day's germs and anxieties dissolved in the lather covering his hands.

It wasn't that bad ...

After thoroughly rinsing his hands, he proceeded to wash his face, his mind still trying to make sense of his first day of school.

The kids are really fucking nice ... really nice ... even the teachers seem nice ...

Charles winced as the soap stung his face. He had shaved in the morning. He had carefully, zealously, too zealously, shaved all 50 or so hairs growing on his upper lip and chin. Furthermore, with equal zeal, he had shaved the five or six hairs that grew on each of his cheeks.

I hate this, fuck, it hurts ... I'm hungry ...

Charles put his shirt back on and joined his mom, sister and little brother for an afterschool snack.

***

Zach, Charles' eleven year old brother, was quietly snoring as he climbed into his bed. He had not shared a room with his little brother in many years. His family was living in a smaller rental, a "Townhome", as they looked for a more suitable home in the city. Atypical of brothers, Charles and Zach rarely fought. They rarely argued. Charles, however accustomed to his privacy, actually liked being so close to his little brother. He felt a strange comfort hearing the boy's gentle snoring, a comfort that allowed him to gently, peacefully, slip into his own thoughts.

Did I make a friend today? Eric is so nice ... and handsome. I hope I didn't offend him. Fuck, I was a total asshole today ... fuck.

For the third time in one day, Charles was impressed and he had to admit it, at least to himself and his sleeping brother.

I really like him Zach ... Zach, he was really nice to me, I mean, really nice. He introduced me to his friends. I really like my new school Zach ... it's nice ... the people are nice ... maybe things will be different now ...

As Charles confided in his sleeping brother, he slipped deeper into his own thoughts, thoughts dominated by Eric, thoughts he did not want to think, thoughts that simply scared him. He tried to describe Eric to himself, tried to reconcile his impressions, feelings and confusion.

Erik is stunning. He's friendly. He has very dark hair and even darker eyes. Those eyes are so dark, so piercing ... so ... fuck ... I don't know. I never knew someone with eyes and hair so dark could have light skin ... it's almost weird ... it is weird ... but somehow ... someway ... it looks perfect on him. I found out he really likes sports, just like you Zach. I think you will like him ...

As Charles drifted closer to the world of dreams, three last thoughts passed though his consciousness ...

Plan Invisible failed miserably ... maybe not a bad thing ... I really like him Zach ...

And he slowly entered the world of dreams, nightmares, repressed memories, expansive oceans and compressed shores. Before complete transition to that nether world was accomplished, Charles managed one last communication to his sleeping brother.

Sweet dreams Zach, I love you ...