Shut Up and Love Me- A Septiplier Fanfiction

Ready

Jack's POV:

The alarm clock that caused my ears to ring on my night stand blurred with early morning tiredness and unforgiving memories from the night before. It spread a sensation of confusion and anger across my restless figure. I could feel the dried tears from before I had fallen asleep still touching my skin, tainting it with a too regular awful feeling. I felt weak with drowsiness as my head ached for the tenderness of sleep, the only release that I've come to find.

Ireland had been graced by the beauty of winter. Snow had still cloaked the streets with white. The sun hadn't risen yet to melt the grey to color, which left sleep even more so inviting. I told myself that I had a duty to fulfil, a gift brought upon me by millions of beautiful fans. I hadn't fully registered who exactly I would be seeing that day. A man so breathtaking he could only belong to a fantasy, but at the same time my only reality. He allowed me to get lost in a garden of emotions. I was able to love someone more than I hated myself.

I was actually excited rather than anxious, which had once consumed every part of my being. It felt magical. Moments like that, the ones that opened me to positivity, I treasured to an unimaginable scale. I breathed easy when I thought about how smoothly meeting everyone, especially him, would be. I let the waves of pleasure seep and bleed into me.

My bag had sat eagerly on the bedside table beside me. Everything about my apartment made me so unbelievably ready to leave. I had everything I needed in that very bag, and I didn't feel like wasting another dreaded moment being there. It wasn't home, it was something that suffocated me so much that I had imaginary bruises on my neck from being strangled. I thought of the abuse and torture I did to myself when I remembered home.

It seemed like everything never tasted sweeter. Coffee, early mornings, showers. I was truly alive in every sense of the word. The day warmed my body and welcomed me with arms of heat. I didn't even think feeling this way for anything was possible. It felt like it had been years sense I could even qualify as being okay. I knew people would ask me how I was since I haven't interacted too much with them in months. I disassociated myself with everyone, and they could see it. It was hard to have to courage to wake up, and even more to fake being something I wasn't.

I didn't even know how my videos were anymore. People still watched, they still cared. I took a lot of meds to help me before I recorded, but I'm sure the decrease of personality and enthusiasm is readable. I've already seen theories, and the fans losing their minds over this. I felt so guilty, but I couldn't bring myself to pretend anymore. I feared that I would say the wrong thing if I told them, if they would hate me after. If they would think of me as someone who didn't care, when the only two things I cared about anymore was Youtube and Mark.

I tried. I tried so hard. So damn hard that I sobbed after every single recording because it was so unbearable to fake such a large part of who I had become. I missed who I was before. I used to think getting better was possible, but now it seems nothing is working. I really believed I could get help. Now I don't even know who I am anymore.

I didn't let myself think about that for at least that day. I felt like I could see for the first time. I didn't care then what my past was. I just wanted to see Mark, the person who had saved me from myself. He was a breath of fresh air, and I had been inhaling smoke before him. My soul was incomplete without him. Everything was incomplete without him.

I held tightly onto my keys as I walked out of the apartment. The air kissed my bare, cold skin, and I finally felt new. My body unwinded itself with each step closer to who I had loved since the moment I saw him. 

GUYYYSS!!! I UPDATED! Hooray!! I'm so happy I finally got around to this. I don't know how much I like this chapter, I might rewrite it later c: Anwaaays, I hope all of you enjoyed!!