It Never Ends [Of Mice & Men- Alan Ashby fanfic]

Chapter 13: It Hurts More And More Each Day

Trigger warning<3

Also, this is technically the last chapter, but I am posting an epilogue as well c:

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It was already Monday, and after a long day at work, Harper pulled out her phone to see zero missed calls and zero texts. She felt betrayed and empty. She was slowly sliding into a deeper depression with every second gone by.

“I ordered pizza! We’re going to have a girls night!” Lydia enthused when a tired Harper came into her apartment.

“I’m going to shower,” Harper murmured, making her way into the washroom. She quickly stripped off her work clothes and got in the shower, letting the hot water wash away the day.

Harper hadn’t cried over Alan yet, but as she felt the hot water on her body, she burst into a fit of tears, hoping her cries weren’t louder than the sound of the running water. She crouched in the corner of the porcelain bathtub, too weak to hold herself up anymore.

She hadn’t cried until now because she hoped it all wasn’t real. She hoped that she would eventually wake up next to a smiling Alan and everything would be better in the world.

She self-harmed in attempt to feel anything that she knew wasn’t a lie. But now she was finally coming to realize what the real truth was. Alan was a lowlife guitar player who was wrong about being able to love Harper.

Harper finally got out of the shower once the water turned ice cold. She wrapped herself in a towel, examining the cuts that had made their way across her whole body.

She sighed and made her way out of the washroom, straight into her bedroom. She put on some comfortable clothes before finally going to face Lydia.

Lydia smiled, sympathetically. “Let’s watch The Nightmare Before Christmas and fatten up on pizza now, ok?” She offered, opening the pizza box the reveal an appetizing pepperoni pizza.

Harper nodded, grabbing a piece of pizza as she settled onto the couch.

Halfway through the movie, Harper was getting a bit bored so she pulled out her cell phone to see what people were up to on Instagram.

After passing a few photos, Harper came across one picture that made her heart stop. It was from Alan’s Instagram, and it was a picture of Nicole and Alan, sitting in Alan’s apartment, smiling widely at the camera. The caption was ‘I love spending time with this girl.’

Lydia quickly took Harper’s phone from her and put it on the far end of the coffee table. But it was too late, Harper was already sobbing uncontrollably.

“I’m going to murder that son of a bitch,” Lydia muttered under her breath. She took Harper’s phone, going into her contacts.

“What are you doing?” Harper asked, looking at her phone.

Lydia opened Nicole’s contact and started writing a text.

What the fuck is your problem?

She sent it, a fierce look on her face.

“Lydia, that’s my phone! She’s going to think it’s from me!” Harper yelled, using her shirt to wipe away her tears.

“I don’t give a fuck, and she probably doesn’t either.”

Soon, Harper and Lydia heard the familiar sound of a new text message.

Nicole: when i introduced you to Alan, i didn’t want him to date you. I thought you would be smart enough to realize that i liked him. Looks like i won in the end <3

Immediately, everything hit Harper like a ton of bricks. That was why Nicole always glared at her when she was with Alan at parties, and pulled her away from him when they got drunk together at the bar.

She couldn’t live with herself for being so stupid.

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Harper shakily held the pen in her hand. She couldn’t believe she was actually doing this, but it was time. She didn’t want to be here anymore.

Dear whoever,

I guess you just found my body with this letter. Sorry you had to find me like this, but I had no choice. I had to do this to be happy.

There are a few things I want to say that I couldn’t really do when I was alive. Please show this to the following people so they’ll know what I wanted to say to them.

Lydia, you’re probably the one who found me. I’m sorry, but know that none of this is your fault. You helped me every way you possibly could. Things with me were just too messed up for you to fix. You’re the best cousin I could ever ask for, and you and Austin will have cute babies. I love you, Lyd. Ps, could you  look after Satan for me?

Mom, I love you so much. You were the best mom a girl could ever ask for. Look after Lydia and make sure she doesn’t get in any trouble. Don’t feel bad, don’t feel pity. Don’t go looking for revenge. Just remember me as I was, and go on with your life knowing that I’m in a better place.

Austin, if you break Lydia’s heart, I’ll drop a train on you.

Alan, there had to be something in here for you. I do love you, after all. Even though you broke my heart. This isn’t your fault in any way. I never told you how broken I was. I never told you how much I hated myself. You made me feel happy, but now I’m moving on from you like you moved on from me.

To all of my family, even though you are stuck up rich people who hated my tattoos, I hope you don’t forget me. I did love you too.

See you on the other side,

Harper

 

She was happy with the letter. It wasn’t going to get any better than that, in her eyes. Harper sat on the floor with a bottle of antidepressants, downing the pills in handfuls before laying down, letting the feeling of death flood over her.

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Lydia and Austin made their way into her apartment, getting ready for date night.

“Harper? Are you here?” Lydia asked when she walked in. She looked around, suddenly feeling uneasy. She went into Harper’s room. When she saw her, she took a step back and cupped her hand over her mouth.

“Is everything alright?” Austin asked, coming around the corner to see the same horrific sight.            

Satan was licking Harper’s hand and nudging it, obviously wanting Harper to wake up and pet him, but everyone knew that that was never going to happen.